Katchie

Im sure Im about to sound like a whiner, or a codie, or something other than I'm trying to sound like, but Ill take that risk.
I THOUGHT my AH to be dry the last couple of weeks since I first reposted. According to my boys just now this is not the case. I suspicioned he wasn't quite right yesterday but couldn't really tell. Maybe intuition? I dunno. This is always a problem for me and is not safe for my boys. Anyway, I asked how their dad was last night because he drove them to a hamburger place after practice last night. They said he acted a little weird. Then, my youngest said that two days ago when I went grocery shopping he saw his dad poor a beer in a glass after I left to shop, then said he left the house for a long time saying he was just leaving to get copenhagen and would be right back, but wasn't right back.
I need to set some boundaries but I don't know how to do that. Our relationship has always been a live and let live type of thing where neither party had to worry about the other. Things have so drastically changed in that aspect. I don't know how to approach that.


I have to add... this only reinforces my mindset to plan for the worst and hope for the best; go back to school.

lillamy

There are things you can do right now. The one that comes to my mind immediately is make sure you are always the one driving the kids. I did that for the last five years of my marriage -- I thought it was going to kill me but I just could not see him stuff those sweet children in the car and then not know when he had had his last drink and whether he was sober enough to drive or not.

Protect yourself and the children. That's the most important part right now.

Mountainmanbob

the honesty way of living just doesn't seem to be there for him
as I know
if and when we truly sober up later
all of those lies told to our children
will come back to haunt us

possible best starting place for all of you may be
a starting point where only the truth is shared
if he's drinking why hide it
everyone finds out in time anyway

MM

hopeful4

Totally agree. You are in a position that your first reaction has to be to protect your children. I would tell him that in a very calm and matter of fact way and leave it until you are ready to make a move. I understand that you have plans to make changes in your life but protect yourself and your dear children first.

Katchie

Ok... I will drive the family to practice; I will pick the family up from practice; I will drive the boys to the chicken wing joint to watch the first NBA ball game with friends. Then, I will take daddy dearest home for a private dinner chat about the fact that he is no longer allowed to drive the kids anywhere because of his cunning drinking habits that are putting them and us all in jeopardy. I will do this, hopefully, before he gets the chance to sneak another drop of booze down his gullet. I HATE people games and I'm mad as he77 he's forcing me to play them against my will!!!

hopeful4

I am sorry, I know just what you mean. I am literally gone every night because I drive my kids to everything unless I totally trust he has not been drinking at all (I am fortunate because I always know, no hiding it from me at all). I figure I would rather my kids be safe and in reality, I guess I am getting a taste of what it will be like if I tell him he has to leave as that will be one of my conditions, I will be the driver. My children will be safe, one way or another. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Katchie.

anona

Right now my AH is not allowed to drive my son (or me!!) at all. He is also not left alone with our child at all. It is a logistical nightmare in many ways, and I'm calling in lots of babysitting favors so I can get to Alanon meetings & other places where I can't bring a kid. I hate that it has to be like this & it makes me feel like I am parenting all by myself (because, well, I am....)

So sorry you are having to deal with this, it's not fair. Just do whatever you need to do to keep your kids safe.