MTSlideAddict

I am pretty sure my husband has started drinking again. The good news? It doesn't matter to me. It felt good to not be jumbled into the mess. We do talk regularly, so when he started talking about how much he loves me and missed me in a sappy way, and put links to our wedding songs on Facebook I kind of got the clue he had started drinking again. He was even being overly pushy when I tried to end a call one night, which resulted in him being hung up on. His calls have become more sparse, and when we do talk he says he was taking a “nap,” which is his favorite thing to do when he drinks. My niece also called me a day before her eighteenth birthday and stated that she had suspected he had been drinking, and reported smelling an odor. Even with my niece supplying me with the unwanted information of confirmation I felt good knowing that I do not have to go home to that depressed house. He did refrain from drinking on her eighteenth birthday, which made for a great birthday celebration for all of us together. Then of course the next week my husband tells me he’s picking up his two month sober chip from AA. I just said, “that’s great.”

I am still separated, and I have NO desire to go back. I pondered the idea one time, and I swear I almost became physically ill. I have had no luck so far with finding a new higher paying job so I could get my own apartment, but I have grown quite comfortable living at my brother’s place. It’s not perfect and it’s not my ‘own place’ in which I dream of, but it holds myself and my dog pretty well. I’m still searching for a better paying job, and I definitely have found an apartment I like. One day I guess. It is kind of discouraging though getting rejection letter after rejection letter from employers, and I just keep putting in those applications.

Now, I am rethinking my plan of remaining here. See, my ultimate goal is to relocate to Pennsylvania, where a friend of mine lives. I have the opportunity to just go now. I mean, what is holding me back? I have a dead end job. My marriage is ending. I have no kids. Why don’t I just go now instead of waiting (waiting for what I don’t even know)? Anyway, I have been meditating on this decision. No clarity has come forth yet. The only logical reason that is against me moving now is the fact that we’re approaching winter. Coming from central Texas I have never ever driven in snow. The thought of doing so is scary especially since I will not know my way around. With the winter coming I think if I get an apartment for six months here that would be perfect amount of time to relocate in the spring, but then again there is that pesky job search hindrance. I’d also have to do it all over again when I do actually relocate. My brother isn’t pushing me out, so I don’t really even have to do one or the other, but I’d really like my own place.

Anyway, I have been going to Al-Anon regularly. Despite what my title states, my husband's drinking has effected me through out the years even though I am no longer living in the chaos of active addiction, and Al-Anon continues to help me cope. There was one slip on my part that I am proud to say I corrected rather quickly. I was over at the house waiting for others to attend for my niece’s party and I noticed the kitchen counters and sink had gunk on them. My husband’s idea of cleaning the kitchen has never included kitchen cleaner sprays or disinfectant. I found myself getting disgruntled and I grabbed the spray to clean the counters and shine the sink. I cleaned one counter top, and I asked myself, “what am I doing? I don’t even live here anymore.” I put everything away, grabbed a sparkling water, and went out on the back porch where I relaxed in the warm sun. It felt good to realize I was being codie and stop it dead in its tracks.

Hammer

Those are just numbers. Once you know your numbers it gets easier. Since most folks try to just get and hold one job, they do not even know this. Here are mine -- when I am shopping for every 100 resumes out, I get 10 calls, for every 10 calls maybe 1 or 2 is a winner. So I allow for 1:100 ratio. Your own numbers will vary, but once you know them it gets way easy.



yes, yes, and yes.

We have Thanksgiving coming up.

For some mental fun and gymnastics -- can you imagine what THAT is like in an Anorexic / Bulimic household?

May sound funny, but it is not really (really not) a joke.

Ruby2

I don't know what type of job you are looking for but can you job search from Texas for Pennsylvania jobs ? Interview over the phone? Seems to me if you have the guts to pull up stakes and just go, then you should do what you want and it sounds like you have the moxie.

Driving in snow is not fun but take lessons. Have your friend teach you on friendly roads. I lived in Minnesota for 12 years and grew up in the Midwest so I learned early and often to drive in snow. I am still one of the very few hold outs who only drives manual transmission because I think it has better control in snow. If yo do not drive stick, don't drive fast in snow. I have seen too many people speeding on ice in their SUVs like they are invincible. Only to see them in the ditch further up the road.