ZenMe

I'm positive if my parents had divorced I would have been better off. Instead I lived with crazy abusive father, nearly killed myself at 17 and ended up with an NPD, alcoholic of a gf who did one huge number on me.

I'm FINALLY dealing with this in my 30s and breaking cycles. You may not be able to protect your child every step of the way but I wish my mom would have communicated with me better. It's not black and white, but what you can do is actively make it a priority and REALIZE this stuff really does affect kids, more than most will admit.

NWGRITS

Visitation with my AM would have been far preferable to the daily hell that was being in that home every day. I would have been much better off with my father, which is why I always wanted to leave with him after visitation. He had a stable home, and an active life in the community. My AM had her job and the bars, until it became her job and drinking alone in her bedroom. At least the visitations would have been temporary time spent in the insanity instead of all the time.

The damage done to children can take a lifetime to undo. I feel cheated by my family for not caring enough to get me out. You don't get to be a child in an alcoholic home. There is no childhood, only survival. You have to grow up faster because someone has to be the adult there. Too bad no one is around to help you do it right. It's completely unfair to them. They are always better off out of the active A home. Being from a broken home is better than being in one.

JanieJane

I have been divorced twice and am now living with an alcoholic boyfriend. I keep thinking that I need to stay because my kids would be so damaged if I left yet another relationship (and had to move, change schools, lose the benefits of a second income, etc). I worry it would be the straw that broke the camel's back for them. I am also holding onto the stupid idea what he will quit drinking.

But as I type this, I can't help but wonder if staying with him will be that straw for my kids and I.

Much to think about....

dandylion

JanieJane, what kind of help are you getting? (besides, SR, of course, LOL).

It sounds like financial security is holding you prisoner...

very sincerely,
dandylion

JanieJane

I am trying to get to Al Anon. Making the time is a challenge - I'm very busy with work, children, and generally trying to manage (control?) everything. I have a friend I talk to a little. Also my mom (but I don't tell her everything).