"S.O.S.," Advice Urgently Needed.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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"S.O.S.," Advice Urgently Needed.
Hi, all, I am the boyfriend of a woman with a severe alcohol problem, and I'm hoping you can help me with what is becoming a frightening and deeply serious, likely immediate, problem.
First of all, let me note some history: My girlfriend and I recently moved into a house together on 9/1. We've been together for almost two years; I've known that she drinks excessively, and I've made it clear that I will do absolutely anything to help her minimize her intake, if not abstain completely. Unfortunately, she has a co-occurring, and long-standing (i.e., at least 10 years), mood disorder (depression) and also long-standing eating disorder symptoms. Drinking temporarily alleviates her anxiety/depression, and so it seems, for her, to be a viable solution in the face of it - this makes sense to me, and I've done my best to be as empathetic as I can be. I've been walking a very fine line between a loving recognition of her needs and struggles and an awareness of the corrosive effect that alcohol is having on our relationship.
As for my immediate problem: my girlfriend has apparently decreased her alcohol intake over the past couple of weeks, although she still drinks approx. 2-3 drinks' worth at least 4-5 days a week. Since we moved, she has experienced visual hallucinations, a sense of persecution by a spirit in the house, recurring nightmares, and other psychotic symptoms. Last night, she had a particularly severe episode in which, as we were sitting together, she saw something come through the room and move behind her. She had other symptoms as well, including thought blocking. I'm assuming this is symptomatic of alcohol withdrawal, from everything I've read. Each day, we wake up, and basically go about our business as though nothing is happening.
I'm *extremely* worried, and right now, I feel completely at a loss as to what to do. I can't "make" her seek treatment, obviously. I'm not prepared to issue some kind of ultimatum, either (e.g., "either get help, or we'll have to end our relationship") - that seems extremely counterproductive, especially given her depression; not to mention, I love her very much. But, I have no idea what to do, and I'm welcoming any advice anybody may have, here. Right now, I am quite literally dealing with this entirely on my own; nobody in my family, her family, or our circle of friends, has any knowledge of this.
Thank you very much.
First of all, let me note some history: My girlfriend and I recently moved into a house together on 9/1. We've been together for almost two years; I've known that she drinks excessively, and I've made it clear that I will do absolutely anything to help her minimize her intake, if not abstain completely. Unfortunately, she has a co-occurring, and long-standing (i.e., at least 10 years), mood disorder (depression) and also long-standing eating disorder symptoms. Drinking temporarily alleviates her anxiety/depression, and so it seems, for her, to be a viable solution in the face of it - this makes sense to me, and I've done my best to be as empathetic as I can be. I've been walking a very fine line between a loving recognition of her needs and struggles and an awareness of the corrosive effect that alcohol is having on our relationship.
As for my immediate problem: my girlfriend has apparently decreased her alcohol intake over the past couple of weeks, although she still drinks approx. 2-3 drinks' worth at least 4-5 days a week. Since we moved, she has experienced visual hallucinations, a sense of persecution by a spirit in the house, recurring nightmares, and other psychotic symptoms. Last night, she had a particularly severe episode in which, as we were sitting together, she saw something come through the room and move behind her. She had other symptoms as well, including thought blocking. I'm assuming this is symptomatic of alcohol withdrawal, from everything I've read. Each day, we wake up, and basically go about our business as though nothing is happening.
I'm *extremely* worried, and right now, I feel completely at a loss as to what to do. I can't "make" her seek treatment, obviously. I'm not prepared to issue some kind of ultimatum, either (e.g., "either get help, or we'll have to end our relationship") - that seems extremely counterproductive, especially given her depression; not to mention, I love her very much. But, I have no idea what to do, and I'm welcoming any advice anybody may have, here. Right now, I am quite literally dealing with this entirely on my own; nobody in my family, her family, or our circle of friends, has any knowledge of this.
Thank you very much.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Sounds like she needs a medical evaluation.
If she won't go and you are going to watch over her be prepared to call 911
It sounds to me, given the fact that she is still drinking that there is more going on here.
It's nuts for her to expect you to deal with a potentially dangerous medical situation.
Not suprising though.
There is really nothing you can do but get her to a medical facility..
She can go the easy way or the hard way, that is up to her.
If she won't go and you are going to watch over her be prepared to call 911
It sounds to me, given the fact that she is still drinking that there is more going on here.
It's nuts for her to expect you to deal with a potentially dangerous medical situation.
Not suprising though.
There is really nothing you can do but get her to a medical facility..
She can go the easy way or the hard way, that is up to her.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
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If I were faced with this situation, it would be so far beyond anything I was even remotely equipped to deal with. I would likely insist she see a professional, and if she refused and was acting so erratically that I feared for her safety or my own safety, I would call the authorities. Here in the US under certain circumstances someone can be sent for a 72-hour psychiatric evaluation against his or her will. Different states also have laws on the matter. I would educate myself on the laws and processes where I lived, and be prepared to call in the professionals.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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I've thought a lot about that, hisimage48 - my worry is this: they'll recommend that she have inpatient Tx, and she works a demanding, full-time job. She would be devastated if anything jeopardized her work.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
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Originally Posted by rmax785 
I've thought a lot about that, hisimage48 - my worry is this: they'll recommend that she have inpatient Tx, and she works a demanding, full-time job. She would be devastated if anything jeopardized her work.
Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Alcoholic hallucinosis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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Your worries about her job won't amount to a hill of beans if she doesn't get the medical attention she needs.
It is extremely difficult not to try to protect our loved ones from the consequences of their addictions; there's not a single person here who does not understand that so please don't think we don't sympathize. Unfortunately, we almost exclusively make situations worse by trying to manage this kind of thing ourselves. Sometimes we get in so far over our heads we forget that we're in the water at all.
It is extremely difficult not to try to protect our loved ones from the consequences of their addictions; there's not a single person here who does not understand that so please don't think we don't sympathize. Unfortunately, we almost exclusively make situations worse by trying to manage this kind of thing ourselves. Sometimes we get in so far over our heads we forget that we're in the water at all.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Sometimes we get in so far over our heads we forget that we're in the water at all.
Wishing you the best, rmax.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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I would also call 911. Let's just say that it is or it could be DT's, but lets look at this again. She has been diagnosed with depression. Or perhaps misdiagnosed. Let's just say that she becomes frightened of the thing that came through the room, and is behind her, and she tries to get away, and jumps out a window.
Not trying to scare you. But, both situations are possible, and they could be more dangerous to her or you, if she was to act on these hallucinations.
JMHO, even though said bluntly
Take care of you. ((((((((hugs))))))), sorry you are going through this.
Not trying to scare you. But, both situations are possible, and they could be more dangerous to her or you, if she was to act on these hallucinations.
JMHO, even though said bluntly
Take care of you. ((((((((hugs))))))), sorry you are going through this.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Thanks a bunch, Wisconsin, and everybody else who's replied so far. I'm going to talk about this tonight with my g/f. I'm pretty damn scared, I have to admit, this is kind of surreal. I know/have known that she has a serious problem, but it's so easy to fall into a "business as usual" mode, and like SparkleKitty said, "normal" gradually becomes something different.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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I agree with Carlotta,
I get a bit nervous when I hear this stuff. My neighbor went through something like this and the other neighbor did call 911. You know her work would probably still be there for her , especially if she had a "break down". Just think, she might get a leave that is terribly needed.
At any rate , there is more at risk than her job her, I would think. That is a lot of responsibility for you also.
I get a bit nervous when I hear this stuff. My neighbor went through something like this and the other neighbor did call 911. You know her work would probably still be there for her , especially if she had a "break down". Just think, she might get a leave that is terribly needed.
At any rate , there is more at risk than her job her, I would think. That is a lot of responsibility for you also.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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She's depressed and drinking alcohol (major depressant) on top of it. Of course she's depressed.
And her family knows nothing of her health problems? If she was diagnosed with cancer, would you not tell her mother? Brother? Cousin? You need to stop protecting this ugly disease called alcoholism. Rip it right out of the closet and look at it for what it's worth. If you are going to walk beside her, you need to not protect that skeleton. SPEAK UP! Tell her family! Tell her drs! Tell your family.
If an alcoholic could keep one secret... they would keep their demon hidden from ALL to see.
And her family knows nothing of her health problems? If she was diagnosed with cancer, would you not tell her mother? Brother? Cousin? You need to stop protecting this ugly disease called alcoholism. Rip it right out of the closet and look at it for what it's worth. If you are going to walk beside her, you need to not protect that skeleton. SPEAK UP! Tell her family! Tell her drs! Tell your family.
If an alcoholic could keep one secret... they would keep their demon hidden from ALL to see.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Hi rmax,
My exABF, also a depressive with anxiety disorder, and atypical migraines to boot, had several episodes of hallucinating and it scared the living crap out of me.
I still don't know what combination of the above issues, mixed with the doctor-prescribed and self-medicated substances caused it, but like you, I did NOT feel equipped to manage it, and was horrified to find myself with a front row seat.
I am sorry you are watching someone you love suffer. It really sucks. I hope she would agree to a neuro-psych evaluation, and maybe an MRI to rule out other issues...
I am glad you have found us. I hope you keep coming back.
SQ
My exABF, also a depressive with anxiety disorder, and atypical migraines to boot, had several episodes of hallucinating and it scared the living crap out of me.
I still don't know what combination of the above issues, mixed with the doctor-prescribed and self-medicated substances caused it, but like you, I did NOT feel equipped to manage it, and was horrified to find myself with a front row seat.
I am sorry you are watching someone you love suffer. It really sucks. I hope she would agree to a neuro-psych evaluation, and maybe an MRI to rule out other issues...
I am glad you have found us. I hope you keep coming back.
SQ
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
If you are going to walk beside her, you need to not protect that skeleton. SPEAK UP! Tell her family! Tell her drs! Tell your family.
I told my XAH's family and friends XAH is a drunk and an addict but because most of them are also drunks and addicts, they didn't believe me or offer any help or support at all. YMMV.
I used to itch to tell my XAH's Dr., but didn't want to be that codie. I still sometimes have my moments where I want to beg XAH's family and his Dr.s to KNOW THIS, DO SOMETHING, HELP HIM but, um, meh?
My begging and pleading, the kids' begging and pleading and my threatening to kick him out - which I had to do, achieved nothing. He is still drinking and drugging himself to death so what could they or anyone else do?
What is your boundary? What are your plans for you when she crosses it? Has she crossed it? Is her current behaviour frightening you? What's the smartest thing you need to do for you in order to live with her and her behaviour right now?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
Alcohol is a depressant and she's drinking it while suffering from a clinical depression. Her depression won't get better until she stops drinking. Also, if she's on meds for the depression, they won't work because of the alcohol. alcohol also exacerbates anxiety and panic. That being said, the things she sees MAY be from the DTs, but they also may be from an undiagnosed mental illness such as schizophrenia.Only a qualified Dr. can help you with this as it's a tricky diagnosis to make. Many folks with this mental disorder have addictions as they try to self medicate. And left untreated it can be very dangerous as the person can hurt themselves or others. Whatever it is, DTs or a mental illness, she needs to see a health professional. This is not a good situation. I wish you all the best.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: southern IN
Posts: 121
If she is still drinking, but cutting back, it could be DTs. From my experience with clients it could more likely be Hypomagnesemia. Alcohol stimulates renal excretion of magnesium. Similiar symptoms to DTs are produced from magnesium def. Either way, doctors visit is needed.
Another posibility....does she drink to self-medicate? Possible she has a psychotic disorder and alcohol was hiding it?
Another posibility....does she drink to self-medicate? Possible she has a psychotic disorder and alcohol was hiding it?
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi rmax, I'm not going to offer any advice on your gf as I don't have any.
What I am going to say is maybe you should put the focus on yourself. Perhaps you should take some time to make up a set of boundaries, things you find unacceptable, and what you will do if they are crossed. An action plan so to speak.
If her behavior is that erratic there is a chance you are putting yourself into harms way. She may do something dangerous or stupid while she is in one of these states and you might be in a different room or even asleep.
I wouldn't find it hard to believe that she could leave something cooking and start a fire, leave the gas on on some appliance, wander out of the house leaving everything open and unlocked and the list goes on.
Be sure to take care of yourself first.
Your friend,
What I am going to say is maybe you should put the focus on yourself. Perhaps you should take some time to make up a set of boundaries, things you find unacceptable, and what you will do if they are crossed. An action plan so to speak.
If her behavior is that erratic there is a chance you are putting yourself into harms way. She may do something dangerous or stupid while she is in one of these states and you might be in a different room or even asleep.
I wouldn't find it hard to believe that she could leave something cooking and start a fire, leave the gas on on some appliance, wander out of the house leaving everything open and unlocked and the list goes on.
Be sure to take care of yourself first.
Your friend,
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