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Old 09-03-2013, 11:35 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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WTBH

You did great. You were put in a tough place and handled it like a pro.

Your girls are lucky to have a mom like you.

Your friend,
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lizw (09-03-2013)
Old 09-03-2013, 12:01 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
It's so bizarre to listen to a grown man talk about how much he loves his kids and even get teary about them (this is over the years not recently) but not see that his BEHAVIORS don't reflect that at all... One of the things I continue to struggle A LOT with is trying to not think or be upset by how hurtful his behavior is toward his kids...

I can understand that he's not well and it's not about me... But the girls don't understand that and I get stuck being frustrated internally with the fact that they shouldn't have to put up with his insanity.

It would be better if he just disappeared altogether... Instead he makes grandiose promises, shows them a good time at unpredictable intervals and they are constantly left hanging on the edge of their seats wondering when he will next show up and be super dad.

I swear he enjoys disappointing them bc it makes them crave his attention all that much more and when he does spend time with them they can't get enough of him and he of course thinks this is because he's the worlds best dad and doesn't see it's bc of his rare appearances so they're desperate for his attention....
It doesn't feel like it now, but the girls will eventually realize what's going on and understand their father's behavior. They're not quite to the age where those abstract concepts make sense. I think you've done a brilliant job of acknowledging their feelings and displaying empathy toward them. These are things that will help them grow into strong young women. Keep doing what you're doing.
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lizw (09-03-2013)
Old 09-03-2013, 12:09 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Your responses sound spot on! Great job diffusing the situation and validating your children's feelings without bad mouthing their father. That must have required an enormous amount of restraint on your part. Unfortunately this wont be the last time they are disappointed. I know how crushed my kids get when their father bails on activities with them. Just be there for them that is all you can do and keep up the great attitude. I admire you.
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lizw (09-03-2013)
Old 09-03-2013, 12:28 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Mate, it sounds like you handled it like a pro!

I had a similar situation when my daughter was about 8 or 9 and my cousin who is not actually in recovery but is well experienced with AH's told me it was ago to say "I don't know" when it came to her fathers crazy unreliable behaviour.

It also helped me to learn that children are basically self centred and think everything that happens is a reflection of them, it relieved me of a lot of guilt I felt that was certainly misplaced
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