how would you answer this?
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy 
It's so bizarre to listen to a grown man talk about how much he loves his kids and even get teary about them (this is over the years not recently) but not see that his BEHAVIORS don't reflect that at all... One of the things I continue to struggle A LOT with is trying to not think or be upset by how hurtful his behavior is toward his kids...
I can understand that he's not well and it's not about me... But the girls don't understand that and I get stuck being frustrated internally with the fact that they shouldn't have to put up with his insanity.
It would be better if he just disappeared altogether... Instead he makes grandiose promises, shows them a good time at unpredictable intervals and they are constantly left hanging on the edge of their seats wondering when he will next show up and be super dad.
I swear he enjoys disappointing them bc it makes them crave his attention all that much more and when he does spend time with them they can't get enough of him and he of course thinks this is because he's the worlds best dad and doesn't see it's bc of his rare appearances so they're desperate for his attention....
I can understand that he's not well and it's not about me... But the girls don't understand that and I get stuck being frustrated internally with the fact that they shouldn't have to put up with his insanity.
It would be better if he just disappeared altogether... Instead he makes grandiose promises, shows them a good time at unpredictable intervals and they are constantly left hanging on the edge of their seats wondering when he will next show up and be super dad.
I swear he enjoys disappointing them bc it makes them crave his attention all that much more and when he does spend time with them they can't get enough of him and he of course thinks this is because he's the worlds best dad and doesn't see it's bc of his rare appearances so they're desperate for his attention....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Your responses sound spot on! Great job diffusing the situation and validating your children's feelings without bad mouthing their father. That must have required an enormous amount of restraint on your part. Unfortunately this wont be the last time they are disappointed. I know how crushed my kids get when their father bails on activities with them. Just be there for them that is all you can do and keep up the great attitude. I admire you.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Mate, it sounds like you handled it like a pro!
I had a similar situation when my daughter was about 8 or 9 and my cousin who is not actually in recovery but is well experienced with AH's told me it was ago to say "I don't know" when it came to her fathers crazy unreliable behaviour.
It also helped me to learn that children are basically self centred and think everything that happens is a reflection of them, it relieved me of a lot of guilt I felt that was certainly misplaced
I had a similar situation when my daughter was about 8 or 9 and my cousin who is not actually in recovery but is well experienced with AH's told me it was ago to say "I don't know" when it came to her fathers crazy unreliable behaviour.
It also helped me to learn that children are basically self centred and think everything that happens is a reflection of them, it relieved me of a lot of guilt I felt that was certainly misplaced
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