Kickme

I live in a very rural area and don't have a car. I am also knew to this area so don't have any friends that I feel I can confide in regarding getting rides into town for Al Anon meetings.
I think my story is no different from anybody elses really-he had stopped drinking on his own then found out he has cirrhosis. He refused to find anything out besides initial diagnosis and has refused medication. Before long he was drinking again but even though he was no piece of cake before, he is far worse towards me now.
He started to say very nasty things to me about my body (being too fat for him all of a sudden) and he has been laughing at me because I had cancer last year.
There are lucid moments but I am finding that I have so much rage for the things he is saying to me that I just cannot let this situation actually calm down long enough.
I feel that he has spent a great deal of time pretending to neighbors that he loves me and in the meantime making them dislike me by divulging awful things to them. This stuff got back to me and now I know why nobody wants to socialize with me.
In addition to all of this, I am disabled and cannot do anything right now-no money, cannot work, no car. What is a good first step?

Hammer

Can you walk?

How far?

How far is town?

Do not look back.

Remember what happened to Lot's wife?

dandylion

I would call the l ocal domestic violence center and talk to one of the counselors. Tell her your whole story. They have all the local resources available at their fingertips. You would qualify because you are being verbally abused--and that is ABUSE.

You could call the alanon main number and find out if someone could give you transportation.

Sometimes the charities (and churches) have cars that have been donated (for the tax writeoff).

The thing is, you have to get aggressive about calling and asking anyone and everyone for help. It is there if you are willing to go after it.

I would make the dv center my very first call, though.

dandylion

Kickme

30 miles from town. I do remember Lots wife
I am not ready to leave.....but when I do it's finished.

dandylion

KickMe--nobody said anything about leaving. You do not have to leave to ask for help!!!

dandylion

Kickme

I called the county DV and left them a message over a week ago and they didn't respond. I have to all again. He'll be working again next week so more privacy. He's currently upset that our adult children text me and friends talk to me on Facebook. Not bad enough to have me isolated in real life.
I will call AlAnon. That's great advise. I feel very overwhelmed in general.

Kickme

Oh, I misunderstood. Thanks for clarifying.
I am trying to ask for help...... I started to then he stopped working for a week. I need the privacy which I will have next week.

dandylion

KickMe---good for you!!! Keep up your attitude--and post here as often as you need to!!

It is understandable that you feel overwhelmed. You are not alone. You don't always have to feel like this. It is amazing how different the whole world l ooks when you start taking some of your control back!

dandylion

wiscsober

The above post is the very best advice for you.
as well with SR....please look up Alanon sites and their literature online.

You deserve a life of peace, love, respect, sanity, and happiness.

Kickme

Thanks for this. Is there a good first read do you know? I had gone to one meeting years ago but literature was not discussed.

Kickme

Dandelion..thanks for this encouragement. I felt pretty pessimistic when I found this forum today but your responses and everybody else's make me feel like there really is goodness out there.

Hammer

Well, In truth, I was sure implying it pretty hard.

What with the Lot's wife ref and all.

My bad. Poor boundaries on my part. Sorry..

Carry on.

nbay2013

Hi KickMe,

I have found when you are trying to get services, from non profits, social services, agencies etc, you have to be aggressive. I know being aggressive is not easy for a lot of us, but it is necessary. If you don't get a call back in 48 hours, call again; and again. Never give up.

Kickme

Hammer, no problem at all. I took it literally which is also no problem since leaving and not looking back is certainly an option.

Kickme

nbay2013, thanks. I have found that too in other types of social service situations. I had called a DV hotline that served the county south of us first and she referred me to the one in this county after she talked to me for awhile. I actually left a message with a real person. I know stuff happens and it turned out okay for now. I sure hope that women in bigger crisis than me get served faster though.

honeypig

Kickme, I think How Alanon Works would be a great first read. You can find Alanon literature online at Amazon quite easily; just search Alanon books and you'll get quite a number of listings. These are often available used, to save some $$, too. In fact, you may find that your local library has many titles available; ours does. And you might want to check into the ability to borrow books from other libraries in the county/state system (my county has a county-wide interlibrary loan setup, just request online and service is free) and you might be able to get them sent directly to your house, as you are disabled. Maybe you can search some of those things this coming week.

There are also telephone, chat and email Alanon groups available: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/electronic-meetings I've heard mixed reviews on these, but if you're limited in mobility, it sure might be worth a try.

I would second the suggestion to check with your local Alanon office to see about transportation. Again, since you're disabled, check into transportation services. In my county, there are a number of transportation options (senior taxi, vans, etc.) that offer rides for a few bucks to elderly and disabled folks. Sure can't say what your specific state/county/community might offer, but some digging might be well worth your time.

Hoping you find some great results!

Kickme

Wonderful suggestions and deeply appreciated. Thanks very much honey pig.
I know from needing help during cancer that my county and state do not offer rides for people my age. With budgets as they are they reserve these for seniors and very very needy. But there maybe other options. I'm not giving up.

Kickme

This morning, he could not get out of bed. His entire abdomen was in pain, especially around the liver. I thought gallbladder right away. Anyway got him to e.r. And 8 hrs later they transferred him to a larger facility in another town to have fluids removed from his belly for a start.it might yet be gallbladder....but first things first. He is a complete and utter mess.
. I couldn't go with him tonight...we have farm animals and pets to take care of. I need my medicine and rest. I feel guilty.
I cried in the hospital when they said they would transfer him and he started to apologize for being sick. If it were so easy!