I did it!!! I left today.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 6
I did it!!! I left today.
After my husband's last big drunken episode where he stole alcohol from his best friend's 80 year old mom, passed out across the street in the neighbor's yard, then accuses me of stealing his phone (fell out of his pocket across the street), and then accuses me of purposely puncturing our air mattress (slow leak for weeks that finally gave out to a large hole) I knew I had to find my escape but how was the scary part. My only options were a shelter and if he knew I was leaving I feared he'd freak out worse than he has when I've left him before and for the first time I actually feared he'd snap and I'd be in some kind of physical danger.
There were other drunk days for him after this but not nearly as traumatic for me as the big drunkfest with his continuous onslought of harrassment/verbal abuse I had to endure about a week ago over his missing phone and the leaky air mattrews, but I still felt shaky all over and nauseous around him and could barely eat. The last 3 days he was sober but I know it was because he was completely broke. He had work for a few days last week (remodeling job), but the work ground to another halt due to a snag again with the client's loan coming through. I had talked with my older daughter in California last Sunday and she agreed to let me come stay temporarily for a week or so until I can get in a shelter. She also said I could store my 2 boxes and 2 suitcases at her place until I can get situated with stable housing. I was so grateful I was crying, thanking her over and over. I realize this is kind of a hardship on her as she has an extremeley tiny apartment (no living room, just a very small bedroom, kitchen and bathroom) she shares with her boyfriend and they'll be stepping over me while I'm sleeping on the floor. Kind of like Tetris.
The plan was I'd leave while he was at work to avoid any unnecessary chaos that could result in a police standby (again). I was going to leave on Tuesday, but found out Sunday evening he would have no work this week and wasn't sure when they'd start again, but hopefully it was to be soon. Not soon enough for me!! I was so super stressed out. I thought for sure I was going to get out of here last Tuesday (train only departs 3 days a week to California here) and didn't know when I'd be able to leave and what kinds of hell I'd have to endure until I could get away.
So because he was sober the last few days we actually had a fairly good time around each other, though it also made me sad, and I actually cried a few times because it reminded me of the sweet, loving, sober husband who I have given so many chances to get sober so we can have a happier marriage, at least a better chance at it anyway. And knowing I was planning to leave as soon as I got the opportunity and he didn't know I was leaving just broke my heart because he was being the man I fell in love with and I didn't want to hurt him. It's such a devastating feeling to come home expecting the person you live with to be there and all you find is an empty place with all their things gone. I also felt he gave me very little choice than to leave this way due to his past behavior when we've split up before.
Last night we were watching a movie and he decides he doesn't like it and goes to bed early. I stayed up to finish the movie and notice his phone is lying on the table. He's had a history of cheating on me (at least the attempt to with women from the Craigslist Casual Encounters) and something told me to check his phone. Sure as sh!t enought I find an email from him to an ad that he replied to 3 days ago. It was very sexually explicit regarding setting up a discreet encounter. And then I read the thread and it started 2 days after our 6 year anniversary. I confronted him about it and he gives me a bunch of BS about how he doesn't know how it got there, he didn't respond to that ad, that someone else did it. Lies!! And then and there I told him I'm done, I'm leaving, I've had enough. As if dealing with his drinking hasn't been hard enough, I've also had to deal with what I believe is his sexual addiction to CL personals and escorts, which he has always denied anything ever physically happened. Well if that were true, which I believe isn't, it sure wasn't from a lack of trying. He then tells me he is going to prove me wrong about the email and I'll owe him an apology. WTF??? He leaves about 11pm, and that's when I packed everything together. Still not home by 7am, Thank God, and I called a cab, went to Amtrak, got my ticket and checked my bags and boxes and have about 9 hours before I leave.
I know I have a hard road ahead going back to California without a job, stable housing or money, but I'll be near my daughter's and away from the hell I've been living in with my husband.
Just wanted to share the good news. Sorry for the long post.
There were other drunk days for him after this but not nearly as traumatic for me as the big drunkfest with his continuous onslought of harrassment/verbal abuse I had to endure about a week ago over his missing phone and the leaky air mattrews, but I still felt shaky all over and nauseous around him and could barely eat. The last 3 days he was sober but I know it was because he was completely broke. He had work for a few days last week (remodeling job), but the work ground to another halt due to a snag again with the client's loan coming through. I had talked with my older daughter in California last Sunday and she agreed to let me come stay temporarily for a week or so until I can get in a shelter. She also said I could store my 2 boxes and 2 suitcases at her place until I can get situated with stable housing. I was so grateful I was crying, thanking her over and over. I realize this is kind of a hardship on her as she has an extremeley tiny apartment (no living room, just a very small bedroom, kitchen and bathroom) she shares with her boyfriend and they'll be stepping over me while I'm sleeping on the floor. Kind of like Tetris.
The plan was I'd leave while he was at work to avoid any unnecessary chaos that could result in a police standby (again). I was going to leave on Tuesday, but found out Sunday evening he would have no work this week and wasn't sure when they'd start again, but hopefully it was to be soon. Not soon enough for me!! I was so super stressed out. I thought for sure I was going to get out of here last Tuesday (train only departs 3 days a week to California here) and didn't know when I'd be able to leave and what kinds of hell I'd have to endure until I could get away.
So because he was sober the last few days we actually had a fairly good time around each other, though it also made me sad, and I actually cried a few times because it reminded me of the sweet, loving, sober husband who I have given so many chances to get sober so we can have a happier marriage, at least a better chance at it anyway. And knowing I was planning to leave as soon as I got the opportunity and he didn't know I was leaving just broke my heart because he was being the man I fell in love with and I didn't want to hurt him. It's such a devastating feeling to come home expecting the person you live with to be there and all you find is an empty place with all their things gone. I also felt he gave me very little choice than to leave this way due to his past behavior when we've split up before.
Last night we were watching a movie and he decides he doesn't like it and goes to bed early. I stayed up to finish the movie and notice his phone is lying on the table. He's had a history of cheating on me (at least the attempt to with women from the Craigslist Casual Encounters) and something told me to check his phone. Sure as sh!t enought I find an email from him to an ad that he replied to 3 days ago. It was very sexually explicit regarding setting up a discreet encounter. And then I read the thread and it started 2 days after our 6 year anniversary. I confronted him about it and he gives me a bunch of BS about how he doesn't know how it got there, he didn't respond to that ad, that someone else did it. Lies!! And then and there I told him I'm done, I'm leaving, I've had enough. As if dealing with his drinking hasn't been hard enough, I've also had to deal with what I believe is his sexual addiction to CL personals and escorts, which he has always denied anything ever physically happened. Well if that were true, which I believe isn't, it sure wasn't from a lack of trying. He then tells me he is going to prove me wrong about the email and I'll owe him an apology. WTF??? He leaves about 11pm, and that's when I packed everything together. Still not home by 7am, Thank God, and I called a cab, went to Amtrak, got my ticket and checked my bags and boxes and have about 9 hours before I leave.
I know I have a hard road ahead going back to California without a job, stable housing or money, but I'll be near my daughter's and away from the hell I've been living in with my husband.
Just wanted to share the good news. Sorry for the long post.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
You've got NOTHING to apologize for, HS! Thanks for sharing your situation and your courage in making this move; I know many of us here benefit every time we hear a story like this.
All I can say is GOOD FOR YOU for heading out of hell and on to a much better life! You'll be OK. Things will work out in ways you probably can't even imagine right now.
You GO, HS! Go, go, go...!
All I can say is GOOD FOR YOU for heading out of hell and on to a much better life! You'll be OK. Things will work out in ways you probably can't even imagine right now.
You GO, HS! Go, go, go...!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Amazing hopestrength simply amazing!!! Good for you for being smart about getting out safely. I think those last facts you found on his phone are your reminder that he's not going to change, he is who he is and you no longer wish to tolerate or accept that behavior.
You have grown and found a deep strength that will guide you forward. So you have some temporary logistics to work out but you will!!! When you get out there and look into shelters also look into what the town/county might have to offer. There may be some private not for profits that help woman get back on their feet. Also look into churches in the area. Lots of avenues you can pursue.
Very proud of you!!!
You have grown and found a deep strength that will guide you forward. So you have some temporary logistics to work out but you will!!! When you get out there and look into shelters also look into what the town/county might have to offer. There may be some private not for profits that help woman get back on their feet. Also look into churches in the area. Lots of avenues you can pursue.
Very proud of you!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I hope you get some time to rest and relax on the train ride. What you did was very brave! I'm happy you were able to leave without incident.
Please take good care, and good luck with the hunt for work and housing!
Please take good care, and good luck with the hunt for work and housing!
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