Happy Birthday to me..not
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 75
Happy Birthday to me..not
Somehow this weekend I was unable to close out my expectations because I know the reality. And I think maybe on my birthday I became single. It hurts, a lot.
So Friday I asked ah to come out with ds and I and he said no he had to stay home in case his freind called. Was already 4 down before I even got home from work.
Saturday we did a family outing to a beach, again ah declined. He went to practice with his band. He called at midnight (barely able to speak) said the other guy was too drunk to drive so he was staying overnight. Ummm he could have got on a train earlier or called me earlier to pick him up. So I told him to have fun, and I would see him whenever he decided to show up...and hung up.
Sunday he didnt call until 2pm to say Happy Birthday day...so I swore at him and hung up. His freind called back and left a message saying how it was his fault and he didnt mean to cause drama, how upset dh is, that he was crying. Are we 15 now where you get your freinds to call? Ugh. He didnt come home until 9pm........and then tried to give me a hug....are you kidding me?!?!?!?
Then he told me he didnt know where to start. And that he loved me very much....I told him his words mean nothing, sorry means nothing, dont even say it ...I dont want to hear it. I dont want to hear the excuses or the lies.
He said I hoped we could do this civily. And I said I dont think I can do that right now. (i was feeling so hurt and angry) So he went to sleep. Wow he must be really upset.
So now I am not sure what he wanted to do civilly. Does he want to split up. I dont want to live like this, I deserve better, but I love him and this is hurting.
So Friday I asked ah to come out with ds and I and he said no he had to stay home in case his freind called. Was already 4 down before I even got home from work.
Saturday we did a family outing to a beach, again ah declined. He went to practice with his band. He called at midnight (barely able to speak) said the other guy was too drunk to drive so he was staying overnight. Ummm he could have got on a train earlier or called me earlier to pick him up. So I told him to have fun, and I would see him whenever he decided to show up...and hung up.
Sunday he didnt call until 2pm to say Happy Birthday day...so I swore at him and hung up. His freind called back and left a message saying how it was his fault and he didnt mean to cause drama, how upset dh is, that he was crying. Are we 15 now where you get your freinds to call? Ugh. He didnt come home until 9pm........and then tried to give me a hug....are you kidding me?!?!?!?
Then he told me he didnt know where to start. And that he loved me very much....I told him his words mean nothing, sorry means nothing, dont even say it ...I dont want to hear it. I dont want to hear the excuses or the lies.
He said I hoped we could do this civily. And I said I dont think I can do that right now. (i was feeling so hurt and angry) So he went to sleep. Wow he must be really upset.
So now I am not sure what he wanted to do civilly. Does he want to split up. I dont want to live like this, I deserve better, but I love him and this is hurting.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
What do you "love" about him? Do you respect him? Would you think your best friend was insane to "love" a man if he treated her in such a disrespectful, hurtful and rude manner? I hope you love yourself enough to hear what you are saying. This behavior and treatment are not ok!!!
Yes, I put up with the same behavior. But I am realizing that I don't love him. I love him as a person that I have known my whole life. I love him as another human being. But I absolutely do NOT love him or how he treats me. I would never sit by and watch my friends be treated in this manner, so why do I allow it? Today, I'm going to start to be a friend to myself! I hope you will try to do that for yourself also!
Yes, I put up with the same behavior. But I am realizing that I don't love him. I love him as a person that I have known my whole life. I love him as another human being. But I absolutely do NOT love him or how he treats me. I would never sit by and watch my friends be treated in this manner, so why do I allow it? Today, I'm going to start to be a friend to myself! I hope you will try to do that for yourself also!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 75
Thank you. I was trying to be a freind to myself. Doing things that ds and I enjoy and trying to get thoughts of him, what he is doing, what will he be like when I get home out of my head.
But for some reason this weekend I am feeling hurt, and angry and sad.
But for some reason this weekend I am feeling hurt, and angry and sad.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
That is completely understandable! I have been there. My birthday was a couple weeks ago, my AH was in rehab at the time. My parents didn't do anything for me. Even my kids didn't do anything for me. It was a very sad, lonely and eye opening day. I fell blessed to have had that hurt. Because out of it came exactly how my depending in other people for my happiness is and will always get me no where. I need to create my own happiness. I hope you will take something positive away from your hurt also.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 75
Happy Birthday...big hugs.
I guess I should be grateful, my dd and sil made a dinner for me and my grandaughter who is 3 was so excited that grama was going to share her cake. They did try their hardest to make the day better. I can usually shake the anger and sadness, but this weekend just seemed overwhelming.
I should not and try not to depend on others for my happiness. I can ususally make myself happy and calm , just couldnt manage it yesterday.
I guess I should be grateful, my dd and sil made a dinner for me and my grandaughter who is 3 was so excited that grama was going to share her cake. They did try their hardest to make the day better. I can usually shake the anger and sadness, but this weekend just seemed overwhelming.
I should not and try not to depend on others for my happiness. I can ususally make myself happy and calm , just couldnt manage it yesterday.
2
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 47
Sky, first Happy Belated Birthday! And second, I just want to share a flip-side experience. My AH planned a whole evening out for my birthday this year. Me, him, my best friend and her boyfriend all went out and did things that I (normally) love to do. He hasn't done anything like this in years and I hated every minute of it. It felt like way too little way, way too late.
Oh, well. Some birthdays aren't so hot. Next year we'll both have better ones.
Oh, well. Some birthdays aren't so hot. Next year we'll both have better ones.
Happy Birthday!!! Yeah you!!
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