things are changing fast
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things are changing fast
Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've written, but I feel that since I've been attending Al-anon meetings twice a week that I don't need to write. Well, I think I'm wrong, because I'm finding that I need to write and talk more about what's been happening and the experiences I've been going through.
I've been going to Al-anon off and on for about four years and over the last year, I've been noticing the subtle ways that I've enabled my husband's drinking. For instance, the old habit of buying his alcohol thinking "he's going to get it anyway,I might just as well do it".
I've also taken notice of how tense I've become. I suppose the alcoholism is really wearing on me. I haven't said anything to him about his drinking; my comments are focused on me and how I'm affected by his drinking. The other week I had to tell him that his drinking is driving me away. He's gotton drunk once since then. I've made arrangements to stay with a friend if he gets drunk again. I'm very careful with what I say- whatever I say, I must be prepared to carry it out!
I know he's in denial about his drinking- he became very angry the other night when I told him I was thinking about going to an open AA meeting (I was going to suggest that he might come with me, but I couldn't because he broke in on my statement). When he asked me how I knew about open AA meetings, I told him I heard about them through Al-anon. He was crushed that I was still going to Al-anon and said that it was as though I was cheating on him. My friends tell me that I should go to an open AA meeting and just tell him that I am. I mean what have I got to lose? He knows I've seen a counselor because I'm struggling with his drinking and that I'm going to Al-anon too.
Amazingly enough, I feel peace in all this turmoil. I know plenty of people are out there praying for me. It's almost as if God is drawing me closer to Him- wanting me to trust Him no matter what.
Thanks for listening to me. lady
I've been going to Al-anon off and on for about four years and over the last year, I've been noticing the subtle ways that I've enabled my husband's drinking. For instance, the old habit of buying his alcohol thinking "he's going to get it anyway,I might just as well do it".
I've also taken notice of how tense I've become. I suppose the alcoholism is really wearing on me. I haven't said anything to him about his drinking; my comments are focused on me and how I'm affected by his drinking. The other week I had to tell him that his drinking is driving me away. He's gotton drunk once since then. I've made arrangements to stay with a friend if he gets drunk again. I'm very careful with what I say- whatever I say, I must be prepared to carry it out!
I know he's in denial about his drinking- he became very angry the other night when I told him I was thinking about going to an open AA meeting (I was going to suggest that he might come with me, but I couldn't because he broke in on my statement). When he asked me how I knew about open AA meetings, I told him I heard about them through Al-anon. He was crushed that I was still going to Al-anon and said that it was as though I was cheating on him. My friends tell me that I should go to an open AA meeting and just tell him that I am. I mean what have I got to lose? He knows I've seen a counselor because I'm struggling with his drinking and that I'm going to Al-anon too.
Amazingly enough, I feel peace in all this turmoil. I know plenty of people are out there praying for me. It's almost as if God is drawing me closer to Him- wanting me to trust Him no matter what.
Thanks for listening to me. lady
Guest
Posts: n/a
Lady,
We are not ignoring you, it has been a crazy day with the boards being moved. I am a mother and deal with my A in a different way than you do. I'm sure one of the other wives will be a long shortly with a reply.
It sounds like you are taking care of yourself and that's a good thing.
Hugs,
MG
We are not ignoring you, it has been a crazy day with the boards being moved. I am a mother and deal with my A in a different way than you do. I'm sure one of the other wives will be a long shortly with a reply.
It sounds like you are taking care of yourself and that's a good thing.
Hugs,
MG
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hey Lady
Sounds like you are doing great, taking care of you!! I am sure your A sees the changes in you and the way you are living your life for you now and it scares him. You are in control of your life, no longer controling his and he is out of control.
You need to live your life for you (I am learning this myself slowly). Sounds like you should keep doing what you are doing and any answers or decisions will come to you in time.
Keep coming back here and posting if you can. Its a great source of comfort in between those face to face meeting.
Take care.
Hugs
Debbie
Sounds like you are doing great, taking care of you!! I am sure your A sees the changes in you and the way you are living your life for you now and it scares him. You are in control of your life, no longer controling his and he is out of control.
You need to live your life for you (I am learning this myself slowly). Sounds like you should keep doing what you are doing and any answers or decisions will come to you in time.
Keep coming back here and posting if you can. Its a great source of comfort in between those face to face meeting.
Take care.
Hugs
Debbie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lady
You are looking after your needs and recovery - somthing they don't like because it means we are no longer concerned with their needs and they don't quite know what to do with that.
It gets better all the time. Congratulations.
Hugs
You are looking after your needs and recovery - somthing they don't like because it means we are no longer concerned with their needs and they don't quite know what to do with that.
It gets better all the time. Congratulations.
Hugs
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