amy55

Surprisingly she went to sleep already. They usually stay up till 1 am.

She was supposed to come up on Tuesday, she came up on monday. Called me after she already left to see if Monday was Ok.

I was staying with friends this weekend, so didn't hear phone call, till after she had already left.

So couldn't tell her Monday was not ok. I went home and cleaned up the cat hair around the house. Did as much cleaning as I could, then got a phone call, they were an hour away. It was my daughter, her H, my 2 grandsons and their dog.

I have 4 cats.

I couldn't call back and say, what are you effing crazy ?????????????

Instead, I went into zombie land.

Also contractors are still here. They are putting the railings on my deck.

My daughter (the drama queen wears 3 outfits a day. All tight clothes. She sells jewelry, and has to show off her jewelry. I don't know what more I can say about that. Maybe that just gets me sick, because if I am overweight, I would prefer wearing baggier clothing.

Lots more to say about this visit, but I think my mind was just liquified.

I ended up taking care of her dog for another at least 4 - 6 days. The dog was crated, and still effed up my new rug. He had moved the bottom tray out, and tried to dig to China.

And non of the time they were here, and how crazy they made me even mattered once they left. I have the dog, I know I will have to do this again next week.

I hate trying to be nice.

If anyone here has read things I wrote, this is the daughter that had filed a restraining order against me, it's the daughter that turned my other children away from me.

I know, I know, cut her out of my life. It's a little more difficult then that. She is sick, physically, I mean. My other 2 will never (not support) her !!!!!!!! I won't get to see my grandchildren if I am not nice.

So Please, go ahead and have at me, please, I need that 2 x 4

amy55

I'm sorry everything was so disjointed, that is how I feel, and I need to go to sleep soon to make sure they leave.

Sueski

You don't need the 2x 4. She's already been at you with hers, and hers has nails in it. I hope you've been able to get some solid sleep.

I have no advice for this. I really wish you peace, though. Sending you a hug..

amy55

Wow, I read what I posted last nite. No excuses. I just wanted them gone !!!!! All in all this visit actually did go quite well !!!!!!!!! It was a freudian slip up there that they left, they didn't leave till today.

I don't know if I am just numb today, or if I have totally detached from all the craziness in my life, or if I am becoming more without boundaries?

Yes, my daughter had to change clothes several times a day, then had to match her jewelry with each new set of clothing. Yes, that normally would make me "nuts", but I did expect it. She is physically ill, (also somewhat mentally ill), she hates her marriage, and hates her life, so she does this to feel good about herself. At least that is how I want to think about it.

My grandchildren were on Ipad the entire time here. Not my problem!!!!!!!!! I did get to spend some quality time with them when we went out to eat, and played miniature golf. They only screamed and yelled at their parents, not at me.

My son-in-law, actually did something for me when he wasn't on the computer, which he was on the entire time here. He changed my lightbulbs !!!!!!!!!!

The dog is still here, and I love the dog. He made me go out today !!!!!!!!!! Another good thing.

OK, so my rug is really messed up, but it is a material thing.

My cats are coming around now, and starting to warm up a little to the "big alien". After my daughter left, all my cats came out and sort of surrounded the dog. They let the dog know who is boss. Now they are playing together very nicely.

I want to be a cat. They know how to show boundaries.

I think I was pretty good with detachment, I feel calm today, and at peace. Normally these visits would wind me up for days at a time. I feel total serenity.

I know that since I have the dog now, they will come back to get the dog, and I may have another overnight or so with that, but that is ok also.

So I guess I don't really know if I became more of a doormat, or it I actually detached from expectations.

I have no idea of why I feel this "calm".

wicked

Amy, this is amazing. Beautiful. This is what I hear, acceptance of what is, and yes,
that is excellent!

You know you can only expect so much from them, and you took the good and
remembered that. You took their bad manners in stride and decided not to fight it
or wind yourself up about it.

Progress, Amy. Fantastic, calm, cool, and detached progress.
big hugs for you.

Boundaries. Yes, to be a cat and let the interlopers know when they have crossed the line!
LOL I like that idea.

Beth

amy55

Is this really what detachment feels like? I have PTSD, so this is not normal for me. Is it that I am so use to the drama, and that I didn't let this affect me, that I feel so calm, that I can actually just sleep the day away today. Yes, I am tired. No one lifted a finger to help out while they were here except to put the dishes in the sink. Surprisingly this is so much more than what they normally do.

My grandchildren are 8 and 5. Would you believe that I started breakfast yesterday at noon time and they had to be woken up for that? Normally that would make me "nuts", I just enjoyed the peace in the morning. I just did quick food shopping, and then went outside to talk to my contractors. So I had a really good morning.

I really need to know, is this really detachment, or do I just not give a sh!t anymore, or really do I just try to tolerate more, so this daughter of mine does not get p!ssed at me more, and make it worse for me and my 2 other children. Guess I am really trying to figure out what that "calmness" is about. I don't know that emotion. (lol) Is that the "I don't give a d@mn anymore emotion? Am I making myself into more of a doormat?

Or am I perhaps disassociating myself from the situation as a coping mechanism?

I talked to a friend of mine today, I told her what happened while they were here, described the whole thing to her, and she got mad, couldn't understand why I wasn't, so I question myself. She helped me to see so much of what I didn't want to see when I was married. But I was able to divorce him, you can't really divorce your children. (lol), so I think there is a difference in that.

I don't want dysfunction in my life, but I do have to deal with dysfunctional families. I think as long as they are respectful to me, or as much as they understand what respect is, I need to let the rest of it go, and be happy when they are here, and glad to see them go, and not try to fix their dysfunctional lives. DID I GET THIS RIGHT????

LexieCat

Don't look gift serenity in the mouth. If their "nutso" behavior doesn't bother you, why would you work on letting it get you upset? Happy and serene beats stressed-out and pissed-off any day, in my book. Nothing they are doing is harmful to you, so if you tolerate more than some people would, who cares?

24Years

Peace and serenity, way to go!

I was taught by a spiritual director to not allow myself to lose my inner peace. I will always be grateful for that advice as working on that has caused me to grow
in ways I had not imagined. A light bulb moment for me was to realize that since feelings are indicators of past and present situations, I shouldn’t assume that my feeling should be acted upon since it may be triggered by something unresolved or something long ago (e.g. an angry feeling may have been tied to an unresolved past issue more so than the present situation). Ultimately, by focusing on keeping inner peace, it never mattered why I had certain feelings, only that I adjust my sails as needed to keep my peace and serenity. True, if you don’t care (or I believe is probably a form of accepting things you can’t change), it makes it that much easier to keep the peace.