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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 24
New here
Hello everyone,
I am married to an alcoholic & after 5 years of empty promises, sneaking & hiding booze, deciding to smoke pot instead of drinking (he still drinks) I know I have to change. He refuses to get help, complains his drunk ex was in & out of re-hab so many times it just proves it doesn't work & all they want is your money. I believed in the beginning he may have had a drinking problem & he promised me if it ever threatened our relationship he'd seek help, fair enough right? I am too darn trusting, it appeared after he said "I do" he suddenly was drinking more, never hesitates to get behind the wheel of a car & I could go on & on. I completely regret marring this man & his 2 girls are just as sneaky & manipulating.
I have 3 great older kids who are stunned by this behavior. They were raised so differently from his it's like night & day.
I myself was raised in an alcoholic family (lived over a bar for years) I knew I wanted more for my own family one day so there was no alcohol in our home, no cussing or entitlements just peace & harmony & very involved with my kids school & church. (Unfortunately their dad had a few affairs & I divorced him after 20+ years of marriage)
I've been to Al-Alon & it's just not me. All I hear are the same stories, nothing is ever resolved so I went into therapy instead. I'm old enough to know it is I who need to change & no one else.
I'm not really looking for answers but it's just nice to read others situations & know I'm not alone & each day that passes is one more step closer to me leaving this dysfunction. I know in my heart of hearts I do not want to be with this man since he has reminded me he will ALWAYS drink.
And I'm sure some of you know some days are better than others. I no longer have faith in him, he has exhausted all our savings by propping up a company that has been failing from day one (5 years)
He tried to get a P/T job at a really great company & he failed the drug test..surprise!
I am done, for now, I take it one day at a time but I'm very close to packing up & leaving. I've recently been downsizing the past 50 years of stuff.
Oh good lord I could write a book. I am a co-dependant, enabling, trusting person & Type A but I'm working on it
Thank you for taking the time to read a very small part of my life. May you be blessed with the peace & joy we all deserve.
I am married to an alcoholic & after 5 years of empty promises, sneaking & hiding booze, deciding to smoke pot instead of drinking (he still drinks) I know I have to change. He refuses to get help, complains his drunk ex was in & out of re-hab so many times it just proves it doesn't work & all they want is your money. I believed in the beginning he may have had a drinking problem & he promised me if it ever threatened our relationship he'd seek help, fair enough right? I am too darn trusting, it appeared after he said "I do" he suddenly was drinking more, never hesitates to get behind the wheel of a car & I could go on & on. I completely regret marring this man & his 2 girls are just as sneaky & manipulating.
I have 3 great older kids who are stunned by this behavior. They were raised so differently from his it's like night & day.
I myself was raised in an alcoholic family (lived over a bar for years) I knew I wanted more for my own family one day so there was no alcohol in our home, no cussing or entitlements just peace & harmony & very involved with my kids school & church. (Unfortunately their dad had a few affairs & I divorced him after 20+ years of marriage)
I've been to Al-Alon & it's just not me. All I hear are the same stories, nothing is ever resolved so I went into therapy instead. I'm old enough to know it is I who need to change & no one else.
I'm not really looking for answers but it's just nice to read others situations & know I'm not alone & each day that passes is one more step closer to me leaving this dysfunction. I know in my heart of hearts I do not want to be with this man since he has reminded me he will ALWAYS drink.
And I'm sure some of you know some days are better than others. I no longer have faith in him, he has exhausted all our savings by propping up a company that has been failing from day one (5 years)
He tried to get a P/T job at a really great company & he failed the drug test..surprise!
I am done, for now, I take it one day at a time but I'm very close to packing up & leaving. I've recently been downsizing the past 50 years of stuff.
Oh good lord I could write a book. I am a co-dependant, enabling, trusting person & Type A but I'm working on it
Thank you for taking the time to read a very small part of my life. May you be blessed with the peace & joy we all deserve.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Well, sorry for what brings you, but welcome.
First affairs and then alcohol? Some folks get all that in a package deal and get to do a single dump.
Sounds like you know where you are going and how to get there.
So better days ahead for you.
First affairs and then alcohol? Some folks get all that in a package deal and get to do a single dump.
Sounds like you know where you are going and how to get there.
So better days ahead for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Hello,
I would like to add my "welcome", as a newcomer myself.
Reading and posting here, together with therapy, very supportive friends, and some alanon meetings sprinkled in has brought me from despair to hope.
Not hope for my relationship sadly, (I think he's an X as of today), but hope for me, and a future free from this particular brand of pain and disappointment. One Alanon moment that really stuck for me was the understanding nodding of heads in the room when the phrase "insane dread" was read aloud. Yup, I think I was about to get a personalized plate with that on there. INSNDRD?
But not anymore.
Take care - keep coming back here for support, you will find it!
I would like to add my "welcome", as a newcomer myself.
Reading and posting here, together with therapy, very supportive friends, and some alanon meetings sprinkled in has brought me from despair to hope.
Not hope for my relationship sadly, (I think he's an X as of today), but hope for me, and a future free from this particular brand of pain and disappointment. One Alanon moment that really stuck for me was the understanding nodding of heads in the room when the phrase "insane dread" was read aloud. Yup, I think I was about to get a personalized plate with that on there. INSNDRD?
But not anymore.
Take care - keep coming back here for support, you will find it!
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