WalkAlone

Hi everyone. I need someone to tell me not to do this as I don't want to let myself down and be as weak as my parents.

Basically my dad is an alcoholic and after an incident three weeks ago which was the last straw he's finally moved out of our house and I haven't seen him since. Despite him keeping on texting me when I've told him I have nothing to say to him and that it's not on his terms anymore.

Things have been more peaceful since he left but now my mum is hitting the bottle again. She's not an alcoholic but when she does drink she does stupid things and I hate the person she becomes because of everything that's happened in the past which has been due to her getting wasted.

She was drunk yesterday when I came home from work and all night, leaving the gas on because she was in a state and she's been drinking all day again today since she woke up. I get so angry when she gets like this and sometimes my temper gets the better of me.

I've always told myself I'm stronger than they are and I will never end up like that. I drink with friends on social occasions but not once have I ever gotten drunk alone but I'm seriously considering going and getting a bottle of vodka and just drinking that all night to forget about things.

I keep telling myself to be strong but then again I'm sick of being strong. My mum knows how much pain drinking has caused us so why is she doing it?

I'm scared because I'm actually considering getting drunk alone and it terrifies me that I could end up like my dad but I feel as if I've got nobody at times like this.

I just don't know what to do.

Katiekate

Hey sweets.

Go to a movie, the park, take a ride a walk.

Drinking will only make it worse.

If there is a friend you can go visit, do it.

Take care of yourself and block your father from texting you.

I can't stand my mother when she drinks either, I usually just leave and do my own thing.

SparkleKitty

As I've heard many an RA say on the other side of the forum, There's no problem that drinking won't make worse.

I second Katie's advice above. Take care of yourself.

Seren

Hello WalkAlone, Welcome to SR!

It's not clear to me how old you are WalkAlone, but I hope you are working to finish your schooling, get a job, and find a place of your own. That would be No. 1 on my list.

I completely agree with the advice you have received already. Sadly, you can't change your parents, but you can distract yourself, keep yourself busy, and work on making a peaceful and happy future for yourself!

I'm glad you found us. You are definitely not walking alone now!

pinkdog

Dear walkalone, You are not alone. And don't do this! So everyone else gets to get drunk and escape and you are left to sort it out? They might have a temporary escape from reality, but it will definitely catch up with them. A soberhead will serve you so much better. Don't punish yourself. It's not your fault. Sobriety makes things easier, not harder.

Flicka57

WalkAlone:
You are not alone any more--please go to an Al-Anon meeting tonight instead. Go be with grandparents, uncles, aunts, some adults that do not drink. When your mother is sober--tell her exactly what you wrote here. Maybe if she sees what she is doing hurts you she will get help. . .Ask her to go to AA while you go to Al-Anon. Your father has moved out and maybe this is just temporary on your mother's part because of this. Go spend the day with other sober adult relatives if possible or the parents of a close friend of yours. Confide in someone today whom you can trust. My thoughts are with you that you will do the right thing and maybe you can set the example for your mother.

Hammer

dunno how everyone has missed the obvious . . . is there not AA and/or Alanon in your area?

Those are the Been-There-Done-That ABSOLUTE Best Experts on what and where you are at.

Do you need help finding them?

Hammer

ahh, my friend Flicka beat me across the finish line by a nose.

wolfpackfan45

WalkAlone, don't drink like your parents. Alcohol is only a temporary fix and will only cause more problems. You say your mother isn't an alcoholic, but the fact that her drinking causes problems like leaving on the gas, drinking all day and in the morning is troubling. I applaud the fact that you recognize alcohol abuse is a serious risk for you due to your family history. I'm so glad you are aware of it. Drinking to alleviate stress and deal with problems is never a good thing, and it's also never an answer. It's a very slippery slope. If you have an AlAnon group near you please try your best to go. If there isn't one then there is a site called In the Rooms that has online ones you can attend. You can get some help. If you're open to it, you can also go to a church and ask to speak to a minister who can counsel you or lead you to a group that can give you support. Hang in there. You are not alone.

lillamy

The only way alcohol is a solution is if you're answering a question on a test in chemistry.

Alcohol is a depressant that makes you feel worse if you feel bad, and bad if you feel good. (Medically speaking.)

I'm glad you don't have to deal with your father anymore, but it sounds like you're taking responsibility for your mother's drinking -- which is a burden you shouldn't have to bear.

If you were living on your own, do you think you'd still feel like drinking? Or is it because you're upset about your mother's drinking? I like the suggestion above to try to find a place of your own. And I also like the suggestion of getting yourself to Al-Anon. Hugs.

WalkAlone

Thanks so much for all of the support and kind words everyone, I'm overwhelmed.

I'm planning on moving out soon, even if I have to get a flat by myself, I'll have to manage (I'm 23) Me and my friend wanted to travel next year for about a year but I don't know if I can hang on in this house until then. Either way I'm getting a flat in a few months or going travelling next year for as long as possible. I know if I lived on my own there's no way I'd feel like drinking. I'd be a lot happier than I am here.

The police have just been to my house, things just keep getting worse, I honestly couldn't make it up. It was in relation to call she made a few days ago to them. I have no idea what it was about but I suspect it was about a man she's been seeing for the past few years, a man who usually sends her into her drinking states and is the cause of a lot the problems over the years (I say he, I mean their joke of a relationship, if it can even be called that)

This has just upset me even more. I've just poured all of the bottle of vodka she has in the kitchen down the sink and shouted at her, although it won't do any good. I'm seriously sick of her. Maybe I am making excuses for her. Compared to my dad she isn't as bad so maybe that's why I think she hasn't got a problem?

I won't go and get myself a drink though, your kind words and support have helped me through. I don't want to end up like that, in that state. I'll actually be strong and get myself through it as always, something they have never been able to do.

There is a local al anon meeting near to me that I was looking at going to a few months ago when my dad was still living with us but I didn't have the courage to go. But I think I'm going to try and go this week.

I'm scared that I even considered getting drunk by myself though in a stupid moment of weakness. Can alcoholism be hereditary? I think I'm coping well with everything my dad has done over the years, and everything my mum has done too. I've got a lot of bad memories of their behaviour whilst they've been drunk, all of which I wish I could forget but can't. Do you think I need to see someone? Am I not coping as well as I think?

Sorry, I hope I'm not rambling. I am deeply touched by all of your support everyone. I can't thank you enough.

LexieCat

A lot of people believe there's a hereditary component to many cases of alcoholism. So you'd be smart to keep that in the back of your mind. If the tendency is there, it's there. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that requires attention.

You might be one of those people for whom the 12 Steps, in AA and/or Al-Anon would do a lot of good. One of the issues that we alcoholics have (I'm sober almost five years) is that we have difficulty coping with the tough stuff life hands us without numbing out and drinking it away. The Steps help you cope with that without needing a drink.

WalkAlone

Thank you Lexi. I'm definitely going to give al-anon a try this week.

I thought that once my dad moved out I would be fine but I don't think he realises what mess he's left behind. The fact that hasn't acknowledged his problem when he texts me just makes it worse knowing he's never going to change. It's all about how HE misses me. All about himself.

I've never even thought about wanting to get drunk alone before tonight, I don't like that it even entered my head.

Congratulations on being five years sober too. It's people like yourself who have the courage to beat their addiction who I really admire and respect.

NYCDoglvr

Get far away from people who drink ... I strongly suggest AA, which is incredible support for not drinking one day at a time. It's not about will power, it's about realizing you're powerless over alcohol (after you take the first drink). Remember: you don't have to drink!!