myfreedom

Has your AH had any DUI'S or other charges? Any PFA'S? If you can prove the alcohol abuse, he will not get 50/50. My AH has 2 DUI'S, A pfa and he would have to do supervised visits if we would go to court.

stuckinfear

Thanks onefootoutdoor and unsureoffuture.
Latest: after neither one of us speaking of his drinking episodes of the last few weeks, he actually asked me the other day "is something wrong". REALLY, I said, are you kidding me, that you have to ask? Of course he was apologietic and said "so I slipped". Slipped - that would be one time. I don't think at least 3 times that I know if is "slipping". Then he starts giving me all the reasons why it is so hard, blah blah. Yep, my life is hard too, but I do the right things even when faced with problems.
So now he is on the pity party, asking me how long I am going to punish him for his slip up? He slipped and apologized, so I should go back to normal, is what he said to me. WELL, I said to him, it is not that easy. Now it is like all the progress (what little it may have been) that I may have made mentally has to start all over. Those drinks, in my mind, wiped out all the trust I was starting to build that he was done drinking.
I know I am emotionally just numb at this point and really am not sad or mad, just don't really care. And don't want to be nice to him. I just really want to ignore him. So we are just living in a house of avoidance, ridiculous I know, but the burden is unfortunately on me to change it.
He went to a meeting, only AFTER I told him that I was mad, but why didn't he go on his own. I did tell him that I am not responsible for his recovery or drinking, and that he would not blame it on me. It is on him.

wife1020

Its refreshing to read all the replies and know that people are in my same situation.
My RAH has moved out to his parents but I end up seeing him almost every day for something with the kids or his stuff still at our house. I dont think he is drinking anymore but its been all of a week so I know that is nothing!

NYCDoglvr

Tell your husband he has to earn your trust and respect. And, his actions speak much louder than words.

unsureoffuture

Mine has had none! NO DUI's No DV, no violence, no criminal activity. No nothing, not even a traffic ticket. He is a well respected health care professional with multiple degrees and looks very "upstanding" in the community. It would be his word against mine because I have absolutely nothing in way of proof so yes he would most definitely get 50/50 custody. I don't even have witnesses because he does his drinking at home and the changes in his behavior are subtle that most don't really notice until I point it out. Its frustrating but I just keep focusing on me with the thought that its in my HP hands and more will be revealed one day. he cant be lucky forever so something is bound to happen one day as the disease progresses.

stuckinfear

unsure of future: sounds just like my RAH. I'm usually the only one that notices his behavior. Even my daughter doesn't see it. Sometimes he does get a little "angry" with her, but she doesn't really make an issue of it. To everyone else he is just a "fun" guy. And he is very successful professionally, we have a nice expensive home, nice cars, etc. Shocks my friends that I have told, which makes it harder for me b/c then I start thinking maybe I make too much of it. And my Mom, who is old school, thinks he is a good husband b/c I have more "stuff" than she ever dreamed of. All of the "stuff" is not worth as much as a peaceful existence. I do admit though that I would have left sooner if I wasn't so comfortable. My RAH will also fight for 50/50, and he will probably win. I don't know if the courts can get access to his rehab records for me to contest that, maybe someone else knows?

myfreedom

Its been 3 weeks for my AH and I have been out for 3 months. I do believe that it won't be much longer till he can't fight the urge no more.