Does this happen to you?
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
spiderqueen- thank you for your kind words and encouragement. AH said these things today while sober, but he's only sober because I left with the kids for 5 days.
Doesn't matter to me anymore. Sober or drunk, there's no excuse for him to walk around raging like a lunatic
Doesn't matter to me anymore. Sober or drunk, there's no excuse for him to walk around raging like a lunatic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by transformyself 
He also says really horrible stuff to me, like I am a failure and there will be no predictability in my house because i don't have follow through and all sorts of other things.
If I'm not careful, I start to believe him.
If I'm not careful, I start to believe him.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
ok I just sort of lost it
I think I better make an escape plan and fast.
We have no money. nothing. He's paid all the bills and there is nothing left. no credit cards, nothing.
My sister comes in tomorrow from Florida and I am planning to go the a little village next to our town with her to our other sisters house. I'm working on borrowing money.
He's freaking insane. I swear. And the longer I'm in the same house with him, the more insane I become too. I hugged him last night while he cried, and told him it was OK for ***** sake and he freaks out on my today? Tells me what I need to do in order for him to be ok? Is he nuts?
Folks here keep reminding me that he's sick, but when he goes after me it triggers my PTSD and that is very bad
We have no money. nothing. He's paid all the bills and there is nothing left. no credit cards, nothing.
My sister comes in tomorrow from Florida and I am planning to go the a little village next to our town with her to our other sisters house. I'm working on borrowing money.
He's freaking insane. I swear. And the longer I'm in the same house with him, the more insane I become too. I hugged him last night while he cried, and told him it was OK for ***** sake and he freaks out on my today? Tells me what I need to do in order for him to be ok? Is he nuts?
Folks here keep reminding me that he's sick, but when he goes after me it triggers my PTSD and that is very bad
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by transformyself
Is he nuts?
If I were you I wouldn't share ANY information with him about what you are planning to do, until you and the kids are safely away. This is a volatile situation, and you seem to have a hard time not doing the "fairness" thing with him by telling him what you are planning to do. At this point, forget about what's "fair" to him. If you REALLY feel the need, you can make it up to him at a future time. For now, just quietly do what you need to do.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thanks Lexi. I do appreciate your advice.
I"m feeling sort of lost. I'm sure when I'm out of here I'll feel better and have more clarity. That's my experience recently at least.
I"m feeling sort of lost. I'm sure when I'm out of here I'll feel better and have more clarity. That's my experience recently at least.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by transformyself
This morning, AH laid out his plan for sobriety. It starts with me doing exactly what I tell him I will do, you know so he can count on me. And then moves onto me cleaning the house better, and that plan finishes with me getting a job.
No, really. That's his plan.
I told him that:
A- he needs treatment of some kind and it ain't me
B- He should probably look at his own damn self and
C- should have started with an apology about how he's treated all of us recently. You know. Something like, "Transform I"m sorry you have to regularly flee the house with the kids because of my drinking. Here's how I"m going to fix that."
It went downhill from there. In fact, I came home just now and he was all red running around the house raging and started yelling at me.
I listened for a little while but it ended with me screaming GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CAN"T RAGE AT ME AND THE KIDS
great.
I'm going to keep packing. We're completely out of money, which was why he started raging at me, I think. To be honest, I can't remember what he was raging at me about to begin with.
does this happen to anyone else? Your A starts attacking you and you can't understand what the hell they're talking about, only that you need to get away?? I mean, sitting here right now thinking about it, I can say he was mad because "You think me not drinking is going to make things better? You think I"m the problem? You're going to have to make some changes too, I need help around here!"
Man. I"m living in madness. And so are the kids.
My sister comes into town tomorrow. I can stay with her and my other sister for a week. Just need to materialize a few hundred dollars.
Get me oughtta here....
No, really. That's his plan.
I told him that:
A- he needs treatment of some kind and it ain't me
B- He should probably look at his own damn self and
C- should have started with an apology about how he's treated all of us recently. You know. Something like, "Transform I"m sorry you have to regularly flee the house with the kids because of my drinking. Here's how I"m going to fix that."
It went downhill from there. In fact, I came home just now and he was all red running around the house raging and started yelling at me.
I listened for a little while but it ended with me screaming GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CAN"T RAGE AT ME AND THE KIDS
great.
I'm going to keep packing. We're completely out of money, which was why he started raging at me, I think. To be honest, I can't remember what he was raging at me about to begin with.
does this happen to anyone else? Your A starts attacking you and you can't understand what the hell they're talking about, only that you need to get away?? I mean, sitting here right now thinking about it, I can say he was mad because "You think me not drinking is going to make things better? You think I"m the problem? You're going to have to make some changes too, I need help around here!"
Man. I"m living in madness. And so are the kids.
My sister comes into town tomorrow. I can stay with her and my other sister for a week. Just need to materialize a few hundred dollars.
Get me oughtta here....
More than once I've been on the receiving end of a drunken lecture about how the "stress" that I'm causing by working "too many" hours is causing her (the AGF) to drink.
Never mind that she hadn't worked for two years, and I was picking up 100% of her bills.
When it's just us and the AGF/ABF whatever, that's one thing, but with children involved the more space you put between him and the children the better.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
My sister missed her plane and isn't coming
because she can't afford to buy another ticket for her son. Long story. Nothing I can do about it but regroup and take off anyway...
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
My littlest guy and I are scheming right now. He's all packed and can't wait to get away from his Dad.
I am on deadline and have two more articles to finish before I can really get moving.
I am on deadline and have two more articles to finish before I can really get moving.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
just remember what you are doing for you and your son is A GOOD THING!!
also MSPINK also says "just because they say it doesnt make it true" i always keep that in my head now...
also MSPINK also says "just because they say it doesnt make it true" i always keep that in my head now...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
I think yours and others do this as a manipulation tactic. They push the button they know that gets to you and then you lose your cool & they say to everyone else "see, she's the crazy one" to take the focus off you. My exAH would tell a lie about me right before I entered a room to someone and then that someone would confront me with something he said that I has said--not true. Then he would sit back & watch the sparks fly. He purposely started rumors about people he worked with to get them in trouble. I think mine got pleasure from this & also it takes the focus off him. And anything that happens in their life they have to retaliate even if it was not caused by someone else--they are paranoid and assume someone did it on purpose. My exAH actually called it "tit-for-tat" to a counselor & gave a stupid example of something he said I did on purpose to him that he had to "get even" with & left the counselor & me both scratching our heads in disbelief! The best way to play the game is Not Play At All!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Let's get you prayed back up?
=========
Dear God,
Please Bless and Guide transformyself and her family through their darkness.
Help light and direct their path to walk in Your will and Your way.
Please heal Mr. transformyself's heart, mind and soul to be a responsible and caring father and husband.
Amen.
=========
You Go, Girl.
But Go with God.
=========
Dear God,
Please Bless and Guide transformyself and her family through their darkness.
Help light and direct their path to walk in Your will and Your way.
Please heal Mr. transformyself's heart, mind and soul to be a responsible and caring father and husband.
Amen.
=========
You Go, Girl.
But Go with God.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Sorry you have to go through this. When you start to believe what they are telling you it's time to pull the plug. I was in a relationship like that in my early 20's. Toward the end not only was I buying into all the bad things he was telling me about myself I actually started to think like him. So much pain when someone you loves turns on you like that. Luckily I didn't have any children with him . How he never got me pregnant I don't know.
As far as you needed to do something to keep him sober. That is BS. I only have a little over 5 months going for me. My husband need do nothing more than just not bring it in to the house. That's it. Not understand me, not change to make me stress free, not baby me. He doesn't even believe I am one. That's fine. I know what I saw and me being sober is a complete and separate issue from everything else in my life. It's totally about me and if I want someone to understand me I come here. There are things we have to work out yes, but that's on us.
As far as you needed to do something to keep him sober. That is BS. I only have a little over 5 months going for me. My husband need do nothing more than just not bring it in to the house. That's it. Not understand me, not change to make me stress free, not baby me. He doesn't even believe I am one. That's fine. I know what I saw and me being sober is a complete and separate issue from everything else in my life. It's totally about me and if I want someone to understand me I come here. There are things we have to work out yes, but that's on us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Transform,
Sorry to hear that you're going through this. I feel for you.
It's amusing that HIS plan for recovery revolves entirely around what YOU do. That would be some seriously funny stuff if it wasn't so insane!
You're smart to get the heck out of there. You and your children sound like you could really use some sanity right now.
Best of luck to you, and keep posting to keep us all updated, please.
Sorry to hear that you're going through this. I feel for you.
It's amusing that HIS plan for recovery revolves entirely around what YOU do. That would be some seriously funny stuff if it wasn't so insane!
You're smart to get the heck out of there. You and your children sound like you could really use some sanity right now.
Best of luck to you, and keep posting to keep us all updated, please.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by transformyself
Doesn't matter to me anymore. Sober or drunk, there's no excuse for him to walk around raging like a lunatic
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
