Brokentapestry

A good friend of mine is going through a horrible time in her marriage. Her husband isn't an A, but is in a different 12 step program for a different addiction. However, an addict is an addict. The behaviors are all the same. The loneliness of losing your partner to something beyond your control is the same. The awfulness is the same. We've walked through hell together these past six months. She was ready to be done, but has decided to give it another try.

I keep catching myself wanting to try and control her situation for her. I think that I know best, and that she should leave him. And if I'm really honest, I don't want to have to walk through this next section of hell by myself. I'm going to divorce my AH. I want her to divorce hers too, so that she and I can continue to help each other and know what each other is going through? Wow. That is a super selfish desire. I guess it's good to recognize it and realize that it is a flaw in me that needs to be looked at and worked on.

It's just amazing how much control I crave. The more I go through this, the more I see.

OnawaMiniya

You recognize what's going on and that's great.

Also you've been going through so much together that is so similar and I'm sure you have fears. So far the two of you have been there for each other at similar stages. You're not wanting to do it alone.

This board is great because there are people here at every stage of this issue.

Hugs...You will get through this.

honeypig

Broken, I am right there with you. Learning isn't always painful, I guess, but THIS form of it sure is...however, it is absolutely necessary for our growth and future happiness.

It sounds to me like you're getting some important insights and growing A LOT. Good for you for having the courage to face what you see whether you like that image or not.

Wishing you continued strength and clarity!

myjourney4me

I could relate so much as to what you were saying. I had started recovery with a friend about 12 or 13 years ago. I didn't know it but she just switched to pain pills and kept on going to AA....well she wasn't drinking but?? I didn't understand anything with taking medication so I didn't think to much about it until she got her own mariguana thing going on and trying to get me to smoke it or eat whatever the case may be. My other frend I had took anything she could get her hands on and then just commit on her 4 pack of wine and be all messed up. I feel so frustrated now and pretty much have not hung around them much. I was taking one to AA but the last time I took her she was high and I just felt so frustrated.....I soooo want to fix them and control them and I know I can't . I just have to make new friends.....that's the hard part I'm having. Anyway I know how you feel.
Myjourney

wolfpackfan45

I know what you mean. I wanted to work my son's recovery out the way I felt it should be done. I thought I had all the answers to "fix it". I had it all planned. Boy was I wrong. I was working the steps in AlAnon and turned it all over to my HP. Then I waited. None of it was done in the manner I felt it should be done but I trusted that my HP was working, so I let it be. And I'm glad I did. He's 8 months sober and I've grown so very much. It was hard as heck though. My therapist told me that we grown the most during our most difficult times. I believe it.