cr995

I was just talking to my daughter today when out of the blue she mentioned her dad - I started having a full blown panic attack and felt sick. I gently mentioned that given his behaviour I did not want to hear about him at all ever again- she was understanding and confessed she does not communicate with him at all because she can't bear to hear from him and only was contacting him to wish him Happy Birthday.

I was doing so well and now feel like I am going to be a victim of this man for ever .I was so enjoying the serenity. I lost it and gave in - went to check my email and right enough there were about half a dozen emails from him - I did not open them and signed out quickly but I really lost my balance there for a while Ughhh...Thanks for listening.:rotfxko

NYCDoglvr

Obviously you've made a lot of progress. He's not living rent-free in your head and it's a shock to hear his name. "Victim of this man"? How so? He didn't cause a panic attack, it was your reaction to his name. Suggest checking to see if you can block his email, many programs have this. In the meantime, be grateful the terrible stuff is in the past.

lillamy

You will not be a victim forever unless you choose to be.

Your reaction is very familiar to me. I would get panic attacks every time he texted or emailed me. Or when one of my coworkers (who is clueless) went into a long talk about playing golf with AXH while I had a restraining order against him the second time.

It gets better. You get more distance. You get stronger and less frightened. And you will get to the point when he is just another person in the world that you don't have to think about.

dandylion

cr995---have you been diagnosed with ptsd? I think your symptoms are distinct enough for you to consult a professional. You might start with your primary care--or whatever dr. you are seeing---and discuss this.

dandylion

cr995

Thanks for the replies I went on to a website about the ego and was encouraged to read about how we are so affected by what others think of us because of it.

It's something I never really understood but a comment about how I was really torchuring myself with my own thoughts really struck a cord with me. Anyway here is the link - I hope it's okay to put this up. Otherwise just google ego , false self.

Ego - The False Center

transformyself

Love this. Thank you Illamy.

So it seems you're on a more "spiritual" path, which is fantastic. I strongly urge you to additionally be tested for PTSD.

Here's why: I"m a very spiritual person. The trees talk to me. Very connected. And the Spirits regularly heal me like this: BAM. You're healed. Very real, very powerful.

However, until I gained a working understanding of PTSD, how it affects me and how to intercede when triggered, I was unable to choose my way out of being a victim. For me, I have to fully understand what triggers me, what a trigger is and how to deal with them. This is what's given me the ability to choose how I act and given me more options that spinning in chaotic, reactionary mode.

Good luck.