calblondie

Hi all,

I am very excited to say that today my AXBF is signing a one-year lease on a house, and he is moving his stuff out in the next week or two.

I feel so relieved. I am ready to focus on my recovery - time to re-read Codependent No More and attend weekly Alanon meetings. I also picked up a book over the weekend called "The Broken Picker Fixer". Rule #1 is to have a 90 day man-ban.

Although my AXBF talks about still working it out, I am not sure what will happen over the next year. He seems to hate the uncertainty and told me that he will likely start dating. Fine with me! My boundary of him being in active recovery for a year before I consider dating him again still stands.

I had a pretty good weekend - tried to keep as busy as possible doing things that I liked. I took a 1 hour walk on Saturday and Sunday, planted flowers, had lunch with a dear friend and read books. I LOVE not having to worry about his drama...

Thanks to everyone at SR for your warm support and straight talk. It is amazing to have such an honest and friendly sounding board.

Karin

4MyBoys

Good for you Karin!

Tuffgirl

Congrats on your upcoming freedom,and great plans for taking some time to work on yourself.

Keep us posted!
~T

calblondie

Thanks so much, everyone. It feels wonderful to have time on my side - and room to breathe!

Karin

lizatola

Sounds like you are on your path to serenity and that you have turned your BF over to his higher power. That's all you can do, you had your boundary and you're sticking to it. Good for you!

calblondie

Thank you, lizatola...Yes, I am on my way. I appreciate your support and encouragement.

Karin

calblondie

Just a quick update...

My XABF moved his stuff out over the weekend and left his keys behind.

I have absolutely loved this entire week - no drama, just time focused on me and my son.

I started seeing a counselor on Monday to deal with some of my ongoing codependency issues. It really is such a relief to begin to address things that have been plaguing my existence for so long.

Thanks again for everyone's support. I am still reading on this forum every day and find such strength in all of your stories.

Karin

LexieCat

Sounds WONDERFUL.

Not to be paranoid, but if I were you, I'd have the locks changed anyway. It doesn't cost much and it's worth it to have the peace of mind.

calblondie

Thank you...Good idea, Lexie! You can't be too safe.

Tuffgirl

Sounds as if things are going as well as they can for you right now. That's awesome!

wicked

I just LOVE this! When I was fine with him dating other women (that used to scare the hello out of me, abandonment anyone?) I knew I was gonna be OK!
That feels good!
Fine with me.

The look on my ex's face when I said one year sober, you would have thought I said,
"murder your mother"!

Shock, disbelief, the humanity!
Wow.

I am so glad for you Karin.
You sound like you are in a good place now.

Beth

ZenMe

Both you and Karin hit close to home with my current situation. I used to be worried about her dating another guy (which she did , FAST after we broke up) and have learned that's what alcoholics do and I'm loving this post. I'm at that point as well, "sweet! go for it.".

I have been trying to meet up with her this week to lay down my boundary and let her know we aren't going to continue with our current relationship. Somehow it logistically hasn't happened yet and I want to do it on my terms so don't have to force it. Maybe it will go down tomorrow. Either way reading these forums has helped keep me engaged and focused on what I want.

OH and this totally reminded me of a seinfeld episode "Even steven" i think, where Jerry always balances out, the girl says "it's over", he says "oh np, I'll meet someone else =)), this has been fun, see ya!"

calblondie

TG - Thanks for your post and encouragement. And YES! things are going really well. I feel so focused right now...not distracted by XABF and the drama. Right now I am exercising daily, enjoying the California sunshine, trying to get back in a groove at work, hanging with my DS and reconnecting with girlfriends. I think this is what serenity feels like -

wicked/Beth - You are sooo right. I have released all hope of us being together again. What did I read earlier this week on these forums about hope? It is a combination of denial and rationalization. What an amazing realization! That is gone and my "fine with me" attitude has surfaced. Luckily my XABF has some time in AA, so the 1 year boundary didn't really shock him all that much. I think he knew it was coming and he signed a one year lease on a house.

Zen - I have been following your story in the threads, and believe me, it has given me a lot of perspective on my situation. Good luck on getting logistics aligned to meet up with your AGF and setting your boundaries. I'm sure you will feel a great sense of relief once you are able to address her.

Happy Friday, everyone!
Karin