OT - post-divorce thoughts
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
OT - post-divorce thoughts
I had dinner with a man on Saturday night who is separated from his wife and soon to be going through a divorce.
He is the friend of friends and we'd been talking for a few weeks online casually, friendly.
I thoroughly enjoyed being out with him and we had a great conversation, and I am very aware that he has a long road ahead of him.
I don't date married men, but he has been separated from his wife since December and this was friendly, pleasant, outside at a cafe', no dark theatres or anybody's empty living room, so I felt okay about it. Just friends having dinner.
The divorce is the wife's idea. They have 2 children. All of our mutual friends tell me what a wonderful man he is and I agree with them.
It was interesting to talk to someone who is dreading the divorce process, but is resigned that it's happening.
We talked a lot about marriages and what goes wrong and we discussed what things are deal-breakers and we laughed a lot, and just generally had a really nice time.
Talking to him made me realize how far I have come and what I have overcome and how lucky I am to be on the other side of that process (2.5 years ago on divorce, 6 months ago on custody trial when all xah's faults were on display in the courtroom).
It would be easy for me to become attached to this man and he is very sweet, but he is just about to embark on an unpleasant journey. We are friends and I like him and he likes me and he doesn't need to become attached to me either.
On the other hand, I now know the value of a good man who likes children and loves God and believes in his marriage vows, and when the time is right (ie, when he's actually divorced), I would totally consider being more than friends. It's hard to wait, but his process hasn't even officially started and he is in for some hard times ahead.
He is the friend of friends and we'd been talking for a few weeks online casually, friendly.
I thoroughly enjoyed being out with him and we had a great conversation, and I am very aware that he has a long road ahead of him.
I don't date married men, but he has been separated from his wife since December and this was friendly, pleasant, outside at a cafe', no dark theatres or anybody's empty living room, so I felt okay about it. Just friends having dinner.
The divorce is the wife's idea. They have 2 children. All of our mutual friends tell me what a wonderful man he is and I agree with them.
It was interesting to talk to someone who is dreading the divorce process, but is resigned that it's happening.
We talked a lot about marriages and what goes wrong and we discussed what things are deal-breakers and we laughed a lot, and just generally had a really nice time.
Talking to him made me realize how far I have come and what I have overcome and how lucky I am to be on the other side of that process (2.5 years ago on divorce, 6 months ago on custody trial when all xah's faults were on display in the courtroom).
It would be easy for me to become attached to this man and he is very sweet, but he is just about to embark on an unpleasant journey. We are friends and I like him and he likes me and he doesn't need to become attached to me either.
On the other hand, I now know the value of a good man who likes children and loves God and believes in his marriage vows, and when the time is right (ie, when he's actually divorced), I would totally consider being more than friends. It's hard to wait, but his process hasn't even officially started and he is in for some hard times ahead.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I hope you find the happiness you deserve stella.
I am having coffee with a man I met on chemistry.com.
We both agree to take it very slow.
Nervous, but just looking for a friend. Not forever.
Beth
I am having coffee with a man I met on chemistry.com.
We both agree to take it very slow.
Nervous, but just looking for a friend. Not forever.
Beth
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by wicked 
I am having coffee with a man I met on chemistry.com.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I hope his name isn't Walter White. Or Heisenberg.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry to derail your thread with silliness, stella. FWIW, I think you are being smart to keep things at arms' length for now. It's always enlightening, though, to find out there are nice guys out there with whom to connect.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Stella, that sounds wonderful that you both were open minded enough to actually get together to meet for a nice dinner. My sister is separated from her husband and has a man from church who is interested in her. He's already divorced from his wife, has no kids, etc and he knows my sis has a long road ahead of her. For now, they are friends and that works for both of them. It's giving her hope that there are normal people out there instead of the psychopath that she is married to. Hugs to you, good luck on your journey!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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a) I love silliness.
and
b) I was married to emotionally abusive AXH for 14 years. He left in an ugly storm of anger. I was separated for a year during which time I just tried to get my children on an even keel. (they were very young).
Divorced for 2 years in same small town. No social life to speak of. Not much choice in terms of nice men to date. Dated a couple of guys from out of town. A few times each. Remain friends with all of them.
6 months ago - after a majorly contested child custody hearing with AXH - I moved 200 miles away and didn't know anyone. I had lunch a few times with an arrogant guy I met at work, whom I didn't really find all that interesting but he was nice.
This was just a really pleasant evening with someone I liked a lot and found easy to talk to. It's like discovering that there may be a whole new life out there for me after a lot of hard years and a whole lot of crazy/ugly.
Wow.
and
b) I was married to emotionally abusive AXH for 14 years. He left in an ugly storm of anger. I was separated for a year during which time I just tried to get my children on an even keel. (they were very young).
Divorced for 2 years in same small town. No social life to speak of. Not much choice in terms of nice men to date. Dated a couple of guys from out of town. A few times each. Remain friends with all of them.
6 months ago - after a majorly contested child custody hearing with AXH - I moved 200 miles away and didn't know anyone. I had lunch a few times with an arrogant guy I met at work, whom I didn't really find all that interesting but he was nice.
This was just a really pleasant evening with someone I liked a lot and found easy to talk to. It's like discovering that there may be a whole new life out there for me after a lot of hard years and a whole lot of crazy/ugly.
Wow.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Mr.PINK is a really nice guy - not perfect in any way - but wonderful to me!
They do exist and it is nice to find one that fits you ~
How healthy of you to realize this man needs his space to walk this difficult path right now and to keep yourself on your healthy recovery path - so IF something should happen you will be in the right place too!
what a very wise woman you are!
pink hugs!
They do exist and it is nice to find one that fits you ~
How healthy of you to realize this man needs his space to walk this difficult path right now and to keep yourself on your healthy recovery path - so IF something should happen you will be in the right place too!
what a very wise woman you are!
pink hugs!
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