The decision to move on
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
The decision to move on
First I want to thank SR for being here. I have checked in a few times over the last couple of years when I discovered this site and have read and received some great suggestions.
I have allowed alcohol to rule my life for the last 25 years. I didn't realize it at the beginning of our marriage but as it has taken a more dominant place in our relationship I realized how it was destroying our family and me. I was becoming a codie without realizing it. Twelve years ago I had an relationship with someone else because I was lonely. I would come home from work and he would be drunk. I needed someone to talk to. That ended and we agreed to work on our marriage. Flash forward. The drinking consistently got worse. I spent so much time and energy trying to keep his drinking under wraps from our kids, friends, family. I made sure he got up from work and prayed that if he got pulled over on his way to work his BAC would be low enough not to lose his license. We depended on his salary and benefits.
The drinking got so bad that he had to get into a program. He tried outpatient and that wasn't a good fit. Did it for for a few weeks and then I got a phone call from the program that said his BAC was high when he arrived there and they were calling a cab and sending him home. Oh, and in the same weekend my college son was arrested for underage drinking and driving, lost his license for 3 months and had to go through a program. Did I also mention that my husbands father died of alcoholism in his 50's?
After several trips to the ER and a family intervention we were able to get him to go to a 30 day inhouse program. He did it, did the outpatient program too when he got out. Was able to get back to work. Went to AA after outpatient was done. A year later fell off the wagon and he went to a detox for a few days. Eight months later has fallen off again. Why didn't you call someone? Shrugs. What do you want to do. Shrugs. I am done.
Well I know what I need to do. We are in a financial mess so I called our bankruptcy attorney and I made the decision to end this all and sell our home, move into a rental with my teenage daughter (son's last year of college is coming up)and have my husband move elsewhere. I need peace. I need to come home and breathe.
I am mad at myself for letting alcohol destroy my family's life. My kids understand, my daughter especially as she has been in the middle of the mess the last couple of years and although is very sad about this decision understands and is supportive. She has been seeing a therapist over the last couple of years and that has helped too. I need to start back at Alanon again.
Thank you for reading this. I needed to get this off my chest.
I have allowed alcohol to rule my life for the last 25 years. I didn't realize it at the beginning of our marriage but as it has taken a more dominant place in our relationship I realized how it was destroying our family and me. I was becoming a codie without realizing it. Twelve years ago I had an relationship with someone else because I was lonely. I would come home from work and he would be drunk. I needed someone to talk to. That ended and we agreed to work on our marriage. Flash forward. The drinking consistently got worse. I spent so much time and energy trying to keep his drinking under wraps from our kids, friends, family. I made sure he got up from work and prayed that if he got pulled over on his way to work his BAC would be low enough not to lose his license. We depended on his salary and benefits.
The drinking got so bad that he had to get into a program. He tried outpatient and that wasn't a good fit. Did it for for a few weeks and then I got a phone call from the program that said his BAC was high when he arrived there and they were calling a cab and sending him home. Oh, and in the same weekend my college son was arrested for underage drinking and driving, lost his license for 3 months and had to go through a program. Did I also mention that my husbands father died of alcoholism in his 50's?
After several trips to the ER and a family intervention we were able to get him to go to a 30 day inhouse program. He did it, did the outpatient program too when he got out. Was able to get back to work. Went to AA after outpatient was done. A year later fell off the wagon and he went to a detox for a few days. Eight months later has fallen off again. Why didn't you call someone? Shrugs. What do you want to do. Shrugs. I am done.
Well I know what I need to do. We are in a financial mess so I called our bankruptcy attorney and I made the decision to end this all and sell our home, move into a rental with my teenage daughter (son's last year of college is coming up)and have my husband move elsewhere. I need peace. I need to come home and breathe.
I am mad at myself for letting alcohol destroy my family's life. My kids understand, my daughter especially as she has been in the middle of the mess the last couple of years and although is very sad about this decision understands and is supportive. She has been seeing a therapist over the last couple of years and that has helped too. I need to start back at Alanon again.
Thank you for reading this. I needed to get this off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I am glad you came back winnie1202.
Al Anon is a great idea, and I am so happy your daughter has been getting help too.
I can tell you, the peace is like heaven.
Truly a lovely place to be.
My first place without alcohol was a small two bedroom with my two young children.
It was wonderful.
I wish the same for you.
Beth
Al Anon is a great idea, and I am so happy your daughter has been getting help too.
I can tell you, the peace is like heaven.
Truly a lovely place to be.
My first place without alcohol was a small two bedroom with my two young children.
It was wonderful.
I wish the same for you.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Western PA
Posts: 151
Winnie -
Sending celebratory thoughts for this milestone in your recovery.
I am very recently in the same place - finally able to move on after almost two decades. I am filing for divorce and possession of my house. I am going to make a happy, peaceful life for myself and my sons. I read your post and I thought, hey - maybe I am sad - but this is actually a big accomplishment.
I felt proud of you and realized I should be proud of me too. For whatever reason, those of us with codependent tendancies can get really, really stuck. We should feel really good when we achieve clarity and follow up with right action.
Best wishes.
Sending celebratory thoughts for this milestone in your recovery.
I am very recently in the same place - finally able to move on after almost two decades. I am filing for divorce and possession of my house. I am going to make a happy, peaceful life for myself and my sons. I read your post and I thought, hey - maybe I am sad - but this is actually a big accomplishment.
I felt proud of you and realized I should be proud of me too. For whatever reason, those of us with codependent tendancies can get really, really stuck. We should feel really good when we achieve clarity and follow up with right action.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 62
You're in great company as many of us are working towards moving on. Working on finding some peace, trying to regain control of ours lives and survive. It won't be easy as the A's in our lives continue to create chaos but it's worth it. Best of luck on your new path.
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