Explain Self destructiveness as a lifestyle.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
My StBxah and I both shared a passion for extreme spirts. This is part of what brought us together. And, before I was a mother, I hung out with lots of rebellious people, and dabbled in various substances and such.
I like strong sensations and getting out there on the edge, literally and figuratively, of life for me has made me feel more alive at times and I love life. Giving birth (4 times for me) and experiencing life with my children became a different method for akso living life deeply and passionately. Young people get so excited by things like puddles, and ducks, and shadows. A lot like people smoking weed or taking hallucinogens, actually, in some respects.
But for me having children ended the risk-taking. I am a mother before anything else in my life. But my Stbxah didn't reform when I did. He kept right along drinking, smoking, extreme sports. But he tried to hide it from me.
I actually respect the desire to live life passionately and occasionally getting altered. I just wish Stbxah had found alternative and positive ways to do this and become a responsible, honest husband and father.
Yesterday was a really really tough day for me (another one). I starting actually craving my days of youthful rebellion - smoking pot, boyfriends, being pissed with responsible people going through the daily grind. I even took on my old stride. Funny!
But then I came home and sat myself down between my young children and didn't want anymore than to be the best mommy I can be.
I am just sorry that the love for his children couldn't have kept my Stbxah from getting lost in alcoholism along the way.
Alas, we move on without him.
I like strong sensations and getting out there on the edge, literally and figuratively, of life for me has made me feel more alive at times and I love life. Giving birth (4 times for me) and experiencing life with my children became a different method for akso living life deeply and passionately. Young people get so excited by things like puddles, and ducks, and shadows. A lot like people smoking weed or taking hallucinogens, actually, in some respects.
But for me having children ended the risk-taking. I am a mother before anything else in my life. But my Stbxah didn't reform when I did. He kept right along drinking, smoking, extreme sports. But he tried to hide it from me.
I actually respect the desire to live life passionately and occasionally getting altered. I just wish Stbxah had found alternative and positive ways to do this and become a responsible, honest husband and father.
Yesterday was a really really tough day for me (another one). I starting actually craving my days of youthful rebellion - smoking pot, boyfriends, being pissed with responsible people going through the daily grind. I even took on my old stride. Funny!
But then I came home and sat myself down between my young children and didn't want anymore than to be the best mommy I can be.
I am just sorry that the love for his children couldn't have kept my Stbxah from getting lost in alcoholism along the way.
Alas, we move on without him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I like strong sensations and getting out there on the edge, literally and figuratively, of life for me has made me feel more alive at times and I love life. Giving birth (4 times for me) and experiencing life with my children became a different method for akso living life deeply and passionately. Young people get so excited by things like puddles, and ducks, and shadows. A lot like people smoking weed or taking hallucinogens, actually, in some respects.
But for me having children ended the risk-taking. I am a mother before anything else in my life. But my Stbxah didn't reform when I did. He kept right along drinking, smoking, extreme sports. But he tried to hide it from me.
But for me having children ended the risk-taking. I am a mother before anything else in my life. But my Stbxah didn't reform when I did. He kept right along drinking, smoking, extreme sports. But he tried to hide it from me.
I used to think that drugs were part of maintaining a magical world, for lack of a better term, but now I think that gratefulness and creativity are far more likely to sustain my enthusiasm for life than drugs ever would.
Also, I'm sick of being broke, so I'm totally one of those "responsible people going through the daily grind" now. Don't tell my teenage self!
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