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Divorce is final - my emotions are all over the place

Old 04-28-2013, 10:04 AM
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Divorce is final - my emotions are all over the place

Just needed some support - after three years of going through the courts, the divorce from my wife is final. Some of that delay has been for hope that things would change on her end and well as my hope my feelings would change for her. Other pieces of the delay have been her refusing to sign anything throughout the divorce. She has been sober for 11 months, but during that time, I haven't been able to heal all that much.

One of the discussions that I had with her a couple of days before the court date was why I was still going through with this - the two answers that I had were - I needed this to help my healing process as well as having written rules (ie. boundaries) going forward.

Now that it is final, I am in such a state, that I really don't want to do anything, but I need to at least do the regular day to day stuff. Just need reassurance that I am not alone on this.
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Old 04-28-2013, 10:23 AM
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No, you are not alone. It's been about 1 year now since the final separation and a few months later, the divorce. I am just now feeling mostly normal again.

I don't think it matters how long it takes, or how bad things were, or how justified a divorce is...it is still a loss and one must go through the grieving process nonetheless.

Good news is - it gets better! Life gets fun again! And lessons are learned to be filed away for the next adventure.

Be easy on yourself.
Peace,
~T
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Old 04-28-2013, 10:44 AM
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sipher,

It took me probably the best part of two years to really feel 100% normal. It was like you were in a foxhole and afraid to look out. I'm now over three years past my divorce and I look at it as the single best thing I have ever done for myself.

You'll get there...trust the process.
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:03 AM
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Sending support. I'm at the beginning of what will end up being divorce. I don't have any words of wisdom other than to take care of yourself.
It's comforting to read the other posts that is does get better - just takes time. I know I will need to give myself time to grieve at the loss of my 17 year marriage. However, I'm trying to focus on the idea I will have a home I can feel comfortable in and relax.
Hang in there!
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:04 AM
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I'm going through the process now after 37 years...take time to grieve. I found this wonderful divorce/separation group that has been so helpful! I'm with others that get what I'm going through. I can verbalize my fears and ask others so many of the questions that can hopefully help me process and heal. Thoughts to you in your healing..hard but we're there with you.
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Old 04-28-2013, 02:27 PM
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I thought when my divorce finally came through that I would feel like dancing in the street and buying champagne and strawberries. Or at least feel relief that it was finally over. But I didn't. I felt nothing. Just dullness and tiredness.

I was relieved. I had been let out of a prison I had voluntarily entered years earlier. But I felt no joy. No excitement. That all came, later. But immediately after, I was just tired.
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Old 04-28-2013, 03:59 PM
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I had asked for, initiated and carried out the divorce, but experienced the most acute bought of deep sadness when I got the paperwork.

I do feel better (just over two years out), but it took a lot of time....and I have heard (this made me feel better) that no matter how much time you are seperated prior to the divorce the actual divorce takes 1-2 years to heal from.
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Old 04-29-2013, 06:18 AM
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Thanks everyone for all of the kind words and your experiences.
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