House Arrest
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
he also should be grateful
Originally Posted by jewel5k1978 
How do I cope with this? Why do I feel like a am the one who has committed a crime?[/FONT][/B][/COLOR]
it is a shame that the ones around use have to also suffer
when I lost my license my wife had to do all of the driving
but
I was very appreciative of her
he should be kissing up to your backside about now
if
he truly has a clue
you are in our prayers
he also should be grateful
in Calif with that many DUI's
he would be in prison for a couple of years
onehigherpower
when I lost my license my wife had to do all of the driving
but
I was very appreciative of her
he should be kissing up to your backside about now
if
he truly has a clue
you are in our prayers
he also should be grateful
in Calif with that many DUI's
he would be in prison for a couple of years
onehigherpower
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Getting back on the original topic……his house arrest turning into your prison sentence for the next 6 months.
You use the word “endure” you don’t have to endure anything, you do have choices. And one of those choices is to endure whatever his moods are going to put you through.
Boundaries – you have the choice to set some for yourself. If you don’t want to be his errand girl then don’t.
If you don’t want his moods/anger to bully you, then don’t allow him to.
This is his punishment for choices he has made, if you find that this is turning into a punishment for you and you don’t do anything about it, then that is a choice you have made for yourself.
You use the word “endure” you don’t have to endure anything, you do have choices. And one of those choices is to endure whatever his moods are going to put you through.
Boundaries – you have the choice to set some for yourself. If you don’t want to be his errand girl then don’t.
If you don’t want his moods/anger to bully you, then don’t allow him to.
This is his punishment for choices he has made, if you find that this is turning into a punishment for you and you don’t do anything about it, then that is a choice you have made for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
The addict in your life made some bad choices because of his drinking and now he has to deal with the consequences of those actions. However, just because HE has to deal with the consequences does not mean that you do. He might be on house arrest but you are free to leave at any time.
You're post seems to be filled with sadness and dread of what the future will hold. Do you go to counseling? I would suggest sitting down with a counselor and looking at the reasons why you are willing to stay with someone when you are dreading the future. It is important you look at why when you are dreading the future and feel if you are living with the consequences of his actions that you accept that. You deserve to look toward the future and have hopes and goals, not to have to think about how much worse the future is going to get now.
Addicts usually will not leave when asked. It might be because he has no place to go or because he doesn't think that you will ever actually get fed up and pack your things and leave. You can always contact a lawyer and find out your options or if you are financially able it might be a lot easier to pick up your stuff and leave and start fresh.
Lastly, I would look into some family counseling for you and your children or some children's therapy groups for children with addictions. I am not sure how old your children are, but no matter what their ages I can assure you that they are being negatively impacting by addiction (even if they seem fine or you don't think they know what is going on). Children pick up on everything and it is better to give them an outlet to discover how to cope with things and to get them in a healthy mind set now before the negative impact this has had on them comes out later in the future since it always eventually comes out.
You and your children deserve to have a calm house with laughter and no drama. They need you to be in a good place mentally and physically and your stress and dread of the future sets a negative tone in the household that everyone picks up on. Please consider stepping out of the situation and then all the things you are worried about happening in the future will be gone. All to often we stay with our addicts because it becomes the norm and change is hard. We have to remind ourselves and eachother that our addicts problems are not ours, we can't control or change them, that if the present is bad then the future ill most likely be worse since addiction is progressive, and that we always have a choice. We can always take a step back and step off the crazy train of addiction.
You're post seems to be filled with sadness and dread of what the future will hold. Do you go to counseling? I would suggest sitting down with a counselor and looking at the reasons why you are willing to stay with someone when you are dreading the future. It is important you look at why when you are dreading the future and feel if you are living with the consequences of his actions that you accept that. You deserve to look toward the future and have hopes and goals, not to have to think about how much worse the future is going to get now.
Addicts usually will not leave when asked. It might be because he has no place to go or because he doesn't think that you will ever actually get fed up and pack your things and leave. You can always contact a lawyer and find out your options or if you are financially able it might be a lot easier to pick up your stuff and leave and start fresh.
Lastly, I would look into some family counseling for you and your children or some children's therapy groups for children with addictions. I am not sure how old your children are, but no matter what their ages I can assure you that they are being negatively impacting by addiction (even if they seem fine or you don't think they know what is going on). Children pick up on everything and it is better to give them an outlet to discover how to cope with things and to get them in a healthy mind set now before the negative impact this has had on them comes out later in the future since it always eventually comes out.
You and your children deserve to have a calm house with laughter and no drama. They need you to be in a good place mentally and physically and your stress and dread of the future sets a negative tone in the household that everyone picks up on. Please consider stepping out of the situation and then all the things you are worried about happening in the future will be gone. All to often we stay with our addicts because it becomes the norm and change is hard. We have to remind ourselves and eachother that our addicts problems are not ours, we can't control or change them, that if the present is bad then the future ill most likely be worse since addiction is progressive, and that we always have a choice. We can always take a step back and step off the crazy train of addiction.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
other peoples business is just that...THEIRS...
lets worry about YOU and that is how you get by
me? i would cut my losses and leave...save the serenity for my soul and my kids....
trust me--you will learn alot by al anon....this takes time, patience, and GROWTH...you will know when you really have had enough...(the planning starts now...)
think of your two kids as well as yourself
lets worry about YOU and that is how you get by
me? i would cut my losses and leave...save the serenity for my soul and my kids....
trust me--you will learn alot by al anon....this takes time, patience, and GROWTH...you will know when you really have had enough...(the planning starts now...)
think of your two kids as well as yourself
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