Am I Normal?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Am I Normal?
Am I normal because I sure don't feel like it. I'm up then I'm down... I'm angry beyond all rationale, I think of ways to get even with him. I want to hurt him, but in the back of my mind remains a small glimmer of hope. Then I'm sad, depressed, anxious and turn to my drug of choice (junk food). I want him to hurt like I hurt, then I pray nothing happens to him.... I'm just all over the place! 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Weeellll... I don't think anyone living in a situation like yours can be considered "normal"--it's a crazy situation. That isn't a judgment of you--it's just what happens when you live around alcoholism day in and day out. It literally makes us sick.
HOWEVER, I think you are feeling the way most of us felt when we started on the road to recovery. So, if you consider the universe of people living with active alcoholism in the home, yeah, you're feeling pretty much the way the average person feels.
You can feel better, but it's going to take some effort on your part to get there. Because the situation, and the alcoholic, are not going to change. You can only change YOU.
HOWEVER, I think you are feeling the way most of us felt when we started on the road to recovery. So, if you consider the universe of people living with active alcoholism in the home, yeah, you're feeling pretty much the way the average person feels.
You can feel better, but it's going to take some effort on your part to get there. Because the situation, and the alcoholic, are not going to change. You can only change YOU.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Honey, what necessary steps are you willing to take in order to feel healthy again?
Insanity, is doing the same thing, over and over again and expecting a different result.
I have walked in your shoes my friend, I understand how this disease can rip apart a relationship. It will cut you to your very core.
So what can you do today, to help yourself feel better about YOU?
Insanity, is doing the same thing, over and over again and expecting a different result.
I have walked in your shoes my friend, I understand how this disease can rip apart a relationship. It will cut you to your very core.
So what can you do today, to help yourself feel better about YOU?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by marie1960 
Honey, what necessary steps are you willing to take in order to feel healthy again?
Insanity, is doing the same thing, over and over again and expecting a different result.
I have walked in your shoes my friend, I understand how this disease can rip apart a relationship. It will cut you to your very core.
So what can you do today, to help yourself feel better about YOU?
Insanity, is doing the same thing, over and over again and expecting a different result.
I have walked in your shoes my friend, I understand how this disease can rip apart a relationship. It will cut you to your very core.
So what can you do today, to help yourself feel better about YOU?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Chivan,
I posted a long post for you, but realized that you did not say that you were being abused. It's almost automatic to me to think if someone has as strong feelings as you do, that you are being abused, and maybe not even know it.
I think your reactions and feelings are normal.
In what I was going to post, it was how I felt, but I was diagnosed with PTSD, and my psych thought my feeling were normal as long as I did not act on them.
Happy to hear that you will be going to a therapist and al-anon.
Do whatever you can to work on yourself so that you can be happy. Forget everything else. You matter.
I posted a long post for you, but realized that you did not say that you were being abused. It's almost automatic to me to think if someone has as strong feelings as you do, that you are being abused, and maybe not even know it.
I think your reactions and feelings are normal.
In what I was going to post, it was how I felt, but I was diagnosed with PTSD, and my psych thought my feeling were normal as long as I did not act on them.
Happy to hear that you will be going to a therapist and al-anon.
Do whatever you can to work on yourself so that you can be happy. Forget everything else. You matter.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by amy55
Chivan,
I posted a long post for you, but realized that you did not say that you were being abused. It's almost automatic to me to think if someone has as strong feelings as you do, that you are being abused, and maybe not even know it.
I think your reactions and feelings are normal.
In what I was going to post, it was how I felt, but I was diagnosed with PTSD, and my psych thought my feeling were normal as long as I did not act on them.
Happy to hear that you will be going to a therapist and al-anon.
Do whatever you can to work on yourself so that you can be happy. Forget eve
rything else. You matter.
I posted a long post for you, but realized that you did not say that you were being abused. It's almost automatic to me to think if someone has as strong feelings as you do, that you are being abused, and maybe not even know it.
I think your reactions and feelings are normal.
In what I was going to post, it was how I felt, but I was diagnosed with PTSD, and my psych thought my feeling were normal as long as I did not act on them.
Happy to hear that you will be going to a therapist and al-anon.
Do whatever you can to work on yourself so that you can be happy. Forget eve
rything else. You matter.Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Sounds to me like your grandmother is one smart woman. And I am certain she has your best interest at heart.
I am glad you confided in her.
I can understand how it can be difficult to believe the words of complete strangers. At times if we sound harsh, don't take it as a personal attack.
Sometimes, another's story, can trigger our own pain . Often when I read your posts all I can think is "OH, Hell No."
I just want to wrap my arms around you and get you to a safe haven.
Hoping you get to an Al Anon meeting soon.
I am glad you confided in her.
I can understand how it can be difficult to believe the words of complete strangers. At times if we sound harsh, don't take it as a personal attack.
Sometimes, another's story, can trigger our own pain . Often when I read your posts all I can think is "OH, Hell No."
I just want to wrap my arms around you and get you to a safe haven.
Hoping you get to an Al Anon meeting soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Costa Mesa, ca
Posts: 46
I am so sorry your having to deal with this. Is it normal? I don't know. Am I experiencing that same exact emotions 2 weeks after the breakup with my exabf-yes. I want to show him what he lost and rub it in his face and I want him to beg and plead and try to get me back, but at the same time, regardless of every disrespectful, cold, and harsh act he has ever done to me. When all is said and done, I don't want to hurt him. And in reality, I would be terrified if he showed up at my door. You may have seen my post earlier about my reoccurring nightmare as well. All I can say is that each day that I take care of me I feel better. Slowly but surely. Thank you Amy55 for your post about PTSD. I think that might personally be what I am dealing with right now and will have to look into it. I wish you the best and all the strength in the world Chivon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by marie1960
Sounds to me like your grandmother is one smart woman. And I am certain she has your best interest at heart.
I am glad you confided in her.
I can understand how it can be difficult to believe the words of complete strangers. At times if we sound harsh, don't take it as a personal attack.
Sometimes, another's story, can trigger our own pain . Often when I read your posts all I can think is "OH, Hell No."
I just want to wrap my arms around you and get you to a safe haven.
Hoping you get to an Al Anon meeting soon.
I am glad you confided in her.
I can understand how it can be difficult to believe the words of complete strangers. At times if we sound harsh, don't take it as a personal attack.
Sometimes, another's story, can trigger our own pain . Often when I read your posts all I can think is "OH, Hell No."
I just want to wrap my arms around you and get you to a safe haven.
Hoping you get to an Al Anon meeting soon.
I really wanna thank you for what you said. It made me feel protected and cared for ( in a non toxic way) something I haven't felt in a long time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by amy55
Chivon, (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). I am sorry if I hit on something that you might not want to discuss or think about now.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Avalon393
I am so sorry your having to deal with this. Is it normal? I don't know. Am I experiencing that same exact emotions 2 weeks after the breakup with my exabf-yes. I want to show him what he lost and rub it in his face and I want him to beg and plead and try to get me back, but at the same time, regardless of every disrespectful, cold, and harsh act he has ever done to me. When all is said and done, I don't want to hurt him. And in reality, I would be terrified if he showed up at my door. You may have seen my post earlier about my reoccurring nightmare as well. All I can say is that each day that I take care of me I feel better. Slowly but surely. Thank you Amy55 for your post about PTSD. I think that might personally be what I am dealing with right now and will have to look into it. I wish you the best and all the strength in the world Chivon.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by ChivonYvette
There was a reply to something I posted yesterday that I did take as an attack, but it was just another poster telling me the truth... At first I was embarrassed, then I thought about not revealing so much, but I realize that's part of the problem, I would still be hiding the truth. How could I heal if I did that?
I really wanna thank you for what you said. It made me feel protected and cared for ( in a non toxic way) something I haven't felt in a long time. 
I really wanna thank you for what you said. It made me feel protected and cared for ( in a non toxic way) something I haven't felt in a long time.
We are here, we do care - I'm glad you are seeing that now. The truth hurts sometimes, especially when it goes deep.
I'm glad you are still here and posting, and reading, and taking it in.
Blessings,
C-OH Dad
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by ChivonYvette
Thank you so much! Initially when I called her it wasn't to talk about my situation, it was to check on her ( she's in the hospital) but some way some how, my options came pouring out like a flood. There was a reply to something I posted yesterday that I did take as an attack, but it was just another poster telling me the truth... At first I was embarrassed, then I thought about not revealing so much, but I realize that's part of the problem, I would still be hiding the truth. How could I heal if I did that?
I really wanna thank you for what you said. It made me feel protected and cared for ( in a non toxic way) something I haven't felt in a long time.
I really wanna thank you for what you said. It made me feel protected and cared for ( in a non toxic way) something I haven't felt in a long time.
Have your read Codependent No More? It's really a great place to start with your own recovery.
I remember feeling embarrassed to be honest too, even over the Internet where no one knew me. I was just a name and a story. But each time I told my truth, I got a little stronger. Each time a reply stung like h&ll, I became a little more aware and a little wiser.
One of the bests replies i remember was - healthy attracts healthy, sick attracts sick. I wanted and needed to get healthy for me. Healthy people make healthy choices.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
I am glad your are trying to face the truth. I was amazed about how many layers of denial and lies I had created to justify my own choices. Oh, and it was painful but so worth it. But I learned *I* was worth getting healthy for and Chivon, YOU are too.
Have your read Codependent No More? It's really a great place to start with your own recovery.
I remember feeling embarrassed to be honest too, even over the Internet where no one knew me. I was just a name and a story. But each time I told my truth, I got a little stronger. Each time a reply stung like h&ll, I became a little more aware and a little wiser.
One of the bests replies i remember was - healthy attracts healthy, sick attracts sick. I wanted and needed to get healthy for me. Healthy people make healthy choices.
Have your read Codependent No More? It's really a great place to start with your own recovery.
I remember feeling embarrassed to be honest too, even over the Internet where no one knew me. I was just a name and a story. But each time I told my truth, I got a little stronger. Each time a reply stung like h&ll, I became a little more aware and a little wiser.
One of the bests replies i remember was - healthy attracts healthy, sick attracts sick. I wanted and needed to get healthy for me. Healthy people make healthy choices.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I just wanted to say that more than once, on this forum and elsewhere, I have read stories of someone who is being abused start on the path to recovery. In some cases, this causes the abuser to escalate the abusive behavior. Please make a plan for yourself in case your situation becomes dangerous. I hope you will not have to use it, but a "plan B" would be a very wise thing to have. Here is a link to many tips on how to deal with abuse:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
L
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
L
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