Advice Please
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Advice Please
My AH birthday is coming up soon, and the place where the celebration is taking place will be serving alcohol. Now I do wanna celebrate with him, but at the same time I don't want to be subjected to what I know will end badly because of his need to drink. PLEASE HELP!!!!!
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Maybe you can celebrate seperately or before the main celebration? Maybe you can change the location?
There is nothing you can do to stop him from drinking if he should choose to drink. You can get mad, yell, or get bitter, but in the end it will not change anything and you will be left feeling miserable.
If you want to celebrate with the main celebration at that location you have to accept the fact that he may want to drink. If you are not okay with that you have a few options. You can attend and leave the celebration if things start escalating, or you can sit through the celebration and try to make the best out of it regardless of his choice to drink or not.
There is nothing you can do to stop him from drinking if he should choose to drink. You can get mad, yell, or get bitter, but in the end it will not change anything and you will be left feeling miserable.
If you want to celebrate with the main celebration at that location you have to accept the fact that he may want to drink. If you are not okay with that you have a few options. You can attend and leave the celebration if things start escalating, or you can sit through the celebration and try to make the best out of it regardless of his choice to drink or not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Thank you! I'm so confused at this point. In honesty I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I would hate to miss such a milestone in his life but as I said once he gets drunk, a good time takes a horrible turn.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
If you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, then do the thing that will cause YOU the least amount of misery. What good is a milestone event if the memory is destroyed by too much booze. Take care of yourself, hon. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
If it were me, NO WAY would I participate/ attend .
I would make plans to be out of town that weekend.
You already know how this is going to end.. This is not your first rodeo with him.
Did anyone ever share with you that you do not have to take a front row seat to his unacceptable actions?
I spent 5 years babysitting a grown intoxicated man. It's not fun! At the time, I did not realize what was happening. You see, I was in denial, i was just going with the flow, until the flow let loose, and I had all I could do to keep my head above water.
The great folks here at SR shared their life stories. It was quite an eye opening wake up call.
Keep reading, lots of powerful information here. And please keep posting it really helps to talk with those who understand.
I would make plans to be out of town that weekend.
You already know how this is going to end.. This is not your first rodeo with him.
Did anyone ever share with you that you do not have to take a front row seat to his unacceptable actions?
I spent 5 years babysitting a grown intoxicated man. It's not fun! At the time, I did not realize what was happening. You see, I was in denial, i was just going with the flow, until the flow let loose, and I had all I could do to keep my head above water.
The great folks here at SR shared their life stories. It was quite an eye opening wake up call.
Keep reading, lots of powerful information here. And please keep posting it really helps to talk with those who understand.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
I'm determined to follow through by any means. I love my AH but I'm ready and need to love me first. I'm ready to be at peace and be happy. I'm ready to be cute and petite and get my personality back.
Originally Posted by wicked 
It just takes a little practice. And some regressing, but I am doing it.
Beth
Beth
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
Hi Chivon
If sobriety is priority to you, then do what you need to do coz the way I see it is, after this occasion, you'll either have set a boundary the next time smthg like this pops up or he will think its fine then control & or manipulate you! Trust me dear, I live w/ this everyday but drew my line a loooong time ago
If sobriety is priority to you, then do what you need to do coz the way I see it is, after this occasion, you'll either have set a boundary the next time smthg like this pops up or he will think its fine then control & or manipulate you! Trust me dear, I live w/ this everyday but drew my line a loooong time ago
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by marie1960
If it were me, NO WAY would I participate/ attend .
I would make plans to be out of town that weekend.
You already know how this is going to end.. This is not your first rodeo with him.
Did anyone ever share with you that you do not have to take a front row seat to his unacceptable actions?
I spent 5 years babysitting a grown intoxicated man. It's not fun! At the time, I did not realize what was happening. You see, I was in denial, i was just going with the flow, until the flow let loose, and I had all I could do to keep my head above water.
The great folks here at SR shared their life stories. It was quite an eye opening wake up call.
Keep reading, lots of powerful information here. And please keep posting it really helps to talk with those who understand.
I would make plans to be out of town that weekend.
You already know how this is going to end.. This is not your first rodeo with him.
Did anyone ever share with you that you do not have to take a front row seat to his unacceptable actions?
I spent 5 years babysitting a grown intoxicated man. It's not fun! At the time, I did not realize what was happening. You see, I was in denial, i was just going with the flow, until the flow let loose, and I had all I could do to keep my head above water.
The great folks here at SR shared their life stories. It was quite an eye opening wake up call.
Keep reading, lots of powerful information here. And please keep posting it really helps to talk with those who understand.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by 1newcreation
Hi Chivon
If sobriety is priority to you, then do what you need to do coz the way I see it is, after this occasion, you'll either have set a boundary the next time smthg like this pops up or he will think its fine then control & or manipulate you! Trust me dear, I live w/ this everyday but drew my line a loooong time ago
If sobriety is priority to you, then do what you need to do coz the way I see it is, after this occasion, you'll either have set a boundary the next time smthg like this pops up or he will think its fine then control & or manipulate you! Trust me dear, I live w/ this everyday but drew my line a loooong time ago
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by fairlyuncertain
Maybe you can go to the party in separate cars. You aren't powerless to get a headache and go home early!
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
I hope you are able to find enjoyment out of the event. A milestone birthday is important, but be sure to take care of you too.
For the home drinking situation, what I did during my husband's extremely active drinking times I turned the master bedroom, which AH never went, into my safe haven. I placed nice candles, pretty pictures, and comfy pillows. He would spend his time downstairs drinking and I would spend my time reading a nice book on my comfy pillows. Is there a space in your home that you can turn into YOUR special place?
I use mine even still for meditation although I was thinking of moving my special place to an even more private location- my walk in closet since with the addition of my niece in the home my pets seem to want to know what is going on in the house all the time and completely hate the bedroom door being closed.
For the home drinking situation, what I did during my husband's extremely active drinking times I turned the master bedroom, which AH never went, into my safe haven. I placed nice candles, pretty pictures, and comfy pillows. He would spend his time downstairs drinking and I would spend my time reading a nice book on my comfy pillows. Is there a space in your home that you can turn into YOUR special place?
I use mine even still for meditation although I was thinking of moving my special place to an even more private location- my walk in closet since with the addition of my niece in the home my pets seem to want to know what is going on in the house all the time and completely hate the bedroom door being closed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Maybe once we move I will have one. Right now we live with my MIL and only have our room. When he's at work I find solace though. You're suggestion is great though. Thank you very much!
Originally Posted by MTSlideAddict
I hope you are able to find enjoyment out of the event. A milestone birthday is important, but be sure to take care of you too.
For the home drinking situation, what I did during my husband's extremely active drinking times I turned the master bedroom, which AH never went, into my safe haven. I placed nice candles, pretty pictures, and comfy pillows. He would spend his time downstairs drinking and I would spend my time reading a nice book on my comfy pillows. Is there a space in your home that you can turn into YOUR special place?
I use mine even still for meditation although I was thinking of moving my special place to an even more private location- my walk in closet since with the addition of my niece in the home my pets seem to want to know what is going on in the house all the time and completely hate the bedroom door being closed.
For the home drinking situation, what I did during my husband's extremely active drinking times I turned the master bedroom, which AH never went, into my safe haven. I placed nice candles, pretty pictures, and comfy pillows. He would spend his time downstairs drinking and I would spend my time reading a nice book on my comfy pillows. Is there a space in your home that you can turn into YOUR special place?
I use mine even still for meditation although I was thinking of moving my special place to an even more private location- my walk in closet since with the addition of my niece in the home my pets seem to want to know what is going on in the house all the time and completely hate the bedroom door being closed.
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