Helping your kids understand the illness alcoholism is
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Helping your kids understand the illness alcoholism is
This Sunday my kids came home from their Dad's very agitated. On the way home they saw the results of a horrible car accident. The road to my house was blocked, police cars, fire trucks and ambulances were everywhere, light poles knocked over. My older son's first response to me was it must have been a drunk driver mom. How could anyone do that much damage? How could anyone drink so much that they could do that much damage. Whoever it was, they must have died.
It turned out to be a very sad sad story. A drunk driver came off an exit ramp in hit a woman who was out running and then continued on.
This morning as I was checking out the weather I discovered that my son was right. It was a drunk driver. However what I also found out is that it was the bishop of the church where xah works. I do not know the whole story yet-but did call xah and he told me he had noticed the bishop had started "to drink more" after his wife died. xah probably sat with him while they got drunk together. Suddenly, all the extra chances xah has gotten over the years became clear. The bishop forgave his alcoholism perhaps because he was struggling with it himself.
It again, makes me so aware of how insidious alcoholism is. How the stigma attached to it makes it difficult for people to ask for help. I wonder what the church would have done if the bishop came forward and told them he was an alcoholic and he needed help. Would they judge him and fire him or would they help him. Right now on their website they are saying the generic things one says when something like this happens. I do not know the bishop extremely well on a personal level but I know what he believes in--and that is to always help those in need-always. He and his wife lived their life that way. I feel sad he was not able to reach out to someone and get the help he needed. I feel sad for the woman who died and her family and friends who are grieving her loss. I feel sad for the bishop's family as they probably feel the same helplessness I have often felt when dealing with my mother and xah. My prayers go out to all of them.
My kids knew the bishop and had met him several times. He invited them to his installment. I could see in my older son's eyes this morning his confusion.
It turned out to be a very sad sad story. A drunk driver came off an exit ramp in hit a woman who was out running and then continued on.
This morning as I was checking out the weather I discovered that my son was right. It was a drunk driver. However what I also found out is that it was the bishop of the church where xah works. I do not know the whole story yet-but did call xah and he told me he had noticed the bishop had started "to drink more" after his wife died. xah probably sat with him while they got drunk together. Suddenly, all the extra chances xah has gotten over the years became clear. The bishop forgave his alcoholism perhaps because he was struggling with it himself.
It again, makes me so aware of how insidious alcoholism is. How the stigma attached to it makes it difficult for people to ask for help. I wonder what the church would have done if the bishop came forward and told them he was an alcoholic and he needed help. Would they judge him and fire him or would they help him. Right now on their website they are saying the generic things one says when something like this happens. I do not know the bishop extremely well on a personal level but I know what he believes in--and that is to always help those in need-always. He and his wife lived their life that way. I feel sad he was not able to reach out to someone and get the help he needed. I feel sad for the woman who died and her family and friends who are grieving her loss. I feel sad for the bishop's family as they probably feel the same helplessness I have often felt when dealing with my mother and xah. My prayers go out to all of them.
My kids knew the bishop and had met him several times. He invited them to his installment. I could see in my older son's eyes this morning his confusion.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
what a heartbreaking situation
prayers of comfort for all affected by this tragedy ~
For me, I struggle and pray for the right words to explain this disease to our almost 9 yr old granddaughter that lives with us - her father (my step-son) is an alcoholic & addict - she is beginning to realize it. We talk about how sometimes alcohol & drugs make people do things that they normally wouldn't do and it makes them not think healthy, but that it is still ok to love them. And I tell her that her Dad would still want her to do want is best for her - even tho sometimes he may not be thinking right - he would always want her to be safe.
It's a tough battle - I hope as she gets a few years older she will be ready to read her Alateen books I am getting for her - at nine she is still a little too you -
Maybe if your son is a little older - that literature could help him.
gentle pink hugs for all
prayers of comfort for all affected by this tragedy ~
For me, I struggle and pray for the right words to explain this disease to our almost 9 yr old granddaughter that lives with us - her father (my step-son) is an alcoholic & addict - she is beginning to realize it. We talk about how sometimes alcohol & drugs make people do things that they normally wouldn't do and it makes them not think healthy, but that it is still ok to love them. And I tell her that her Dad would still want her to do want is best for her - even tho sometimes he may not be thinking right - he would always want her to be safe.
It's a tough battle - I hope as she gets a few years older she will be ready to read her Alateen books I am getting for her - at nine she is still a little too you -
Maybe if your son is a little older - that literature could help him.
gentle pink hugs for all
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
So tragic. And yes, it makes perfect sense that the bishop would be so understanding and give so many chances to your ah given that he too is an alcoholic.
I have yet to find anyone who sympathizes with alcoholic behavior who themselves doesn't have an issue too...
I have yet to find anyone who sympathizes with alcoholic behavior who themselves doesn't have an issue too...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Maybe this is an unhealthy perspective, but my AH is like a Mr. Rogers to some of our friends. Their are lots of ladies ready to stand up for him and swear he isn't capable of any wrongdoing. They are convinced deep down that he is a wonderful, kind, gentle person. I was, too.
Still, he drank his poison, cheated, lied, endangered his children, abused his wife (me), and refused us the money we need to pay for our basic necessities, ignoring the law and rules of common decency.
What is real? Your bishop drank the poison that led to an innocent woman's sudden death.
We can teach our children to beware the bottle. For some people it takes their souls.
God bless.
Still, he drank his poison, cheated, lied, endangered his children, abused his wife (me), and refused us the money we need to pay for our basic necessities, ignoring the law and rules of common decency.
What is real? Your bishop drank the poison that led to an innocent woman's sudden death.
We can teach our children to beware the bottle. For some people it takes their souls.
God bless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Pippi my xah was/is the same way. He is Mr. Chruch Guy (he is a church music director and has been for 28 years-although could not get a decent job about 8 years ago because the church community is small enough that they get word and no one wanted to work with him). But the bishop always found him another job when he lost one. He would always have him play at the convocations and conventions every year. To the world around him I am the evil woman who left him. I left that branch of the church because I was villanized because he was that "famous enough" and moslty women flocked in to save him. They cooked for the kids when he had them, they babysat for him for free, one wound up getting divorced because she too fell for his game.
I always wondered why the bishop would save xah a** every time he lost another job.
I know the wheels will start to turn for my older son now. Although he was 5 when things started to get bad and 8 when I left-and saw a lot--he has "forgotten" it. I know he has not but he does not want to see his dad that way. He sees him as the good man that people see at church. He went on and on about how horrible the accident was on Sunday that he saw and that the person had to be drunk and dead (he had never considered that someone else died--he just saw the damage to the light poles). Then he said he was NEVER going to drink because it hurt people. So I know, now that he is 12 years old he is admitting to himself things about his dad that he did not want to see before. Hearing that the bishop was the drunk driver and he hit a woman and killed her was a massive kick in the gut to him because it is not a far step to go from "if the bishop did that, will dad?" I have always told him that if he EVER felt in danger or thought his dad was drinking he should call me and I would come pick him and his brother up. I have told him that no matter how angry his dad gets (and he has major anger problems in a very sporadic way so it is very unpredictable)--if he thinks he is drunk to NEVER get in the car. I think this will help him understand even more how important that is to remember.
I always wondered why the bishop would save xah a** every time he lost another job.
I know the wheels will start to turn for my older son now. Although he was 5 when things started to get bad and 8 when I left-and saw a lot--he has "forgotten" it. I know he has not but he does not want to see his dad that way. He sees him as the good man that people see at church. He went on and on about how horrible the accident was on Sunday that he saw and that the person had to be drunk and dead (he had never considered that someone else died--he just saw the damage to the light poles). Then he said he was NEVER going to drink because it hurt people. So I know, now that he is 12 years old he is admitting to himself things about his dad that he did not want to see before. Hearing that the bishop was the drunk driver and he hit a woman and killed her was a massive kick in the gut to him because it is not a far step to go from "if the bishop did that, will dad?" I have always told him that if he EVER felt in danger or thought his dad was drinking he should call me and I would come pick him and his brother up. I have told him that no matter how angry his dad gets (and he has major anger problems in a very sporadic way so it is very unpredictable)--if he thinks he is drunk to NEVER get in the car. I think this will help him understand even more how important that is to remember.
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