Shutterbug1

I believe I have fallen out of love. Actually, I was pushed…I didn’t fall. But I built my home on a ledge. I let myself become absorbed and misdirected. I focused so much energy and attention on him and his problems…I lost sight of myself. I kept thinking if “we” could solve the problems at home, I could breathe again, live again. Now I see more clearly. It’s the other way around, and “we” isn’t going to happen. I’ve been lied to, so many times. I used to get so upset, irate, and depressed over the deceit, the untruth, the half-truth; but now I’m calm and things look different. I didn’t even get mad the last time. For the first time in almost 10 years, saw him for who he really wants to be and is. He was caught and the apologies came forth…the declarations of love…the self pity…and of course the “I’m going to change AND I want to” impassioned speech…then the good behavior…the overly kind gestures etc. I could see the cycle happening all over again. Then when everything calms down a bit he will be free to sneak about more easily once that the heat is off. But this time I see it coming…I didn’t buy it. I am as cold and clear as a winter night. I don’t love him anymore. The sight of him annoys me, I don’t want to be around him, and I’m not upset and worried the way I have been in the past. I am not even rushing to get out, which I have done in the past…one step at a time….thinking it through, calmly and clearly. I finally realized that what he really wants is to get high…even though he says he doesn’t…because if he really didn’t want to, then he wouldn’t. Simple. He wants to, so he does.

RollTide

Very well said, Shutterbug1! You worded it much better than I could have but it really hit home with me. I've fallen out of love with my XAH and I look at it as a gift. I am free and able to live a healthy life and have healthy relationships that are good for me.

petmagnet

I thought I was reading my sentiments about my AH in your very well stated words Shutterbug1. I feel exactly the same as you. I am so disenchanted with this person my AH has become. He knew I wouldn't take him to his car that he left for a cab ride home at 3am last night, so he had to call another cab to go get it because he can't get it any other way. I just said, "I don't even know who you are anymore. I guess this is how you choose to spend your money these days." And walked away. I'm so over it. I can totally relate to the sight of him annoying you and not even wanting to be with them. I'm detaching, but not so sure it's in the loving way...

Shadydeal

Amen!

DetachedWife

Couldn't have said it better myself Shutterbug !

sunnshinegirl

Wow, powerful post and I needed to read it. I saw myself when you wrote you lost sight of yourself focusing on his problems. I so relate.