husband coming home tomorrow only 15 days in rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 78
husband coming home tomorrow only 15 days in rehab
his counselor let me know he would be coming home early because of insurance but that he has done lots and lots of work to start dealing with underlying issues that he never dealt with that trigger his addictions...
when he comes out it will be back to his outpatient everyday 3 hours and a.a. everyday, which he was always doing but obviously not fully commited.
so we shall see this time.
i learned that he was seriously contemplating suicide and thats what really made him sign himself in... and my worry is that (he said he is scared to come out and relapse) hes coming out too soon . I dont want him to end up killing him self i hope he can keep talking to me and whoever else he needs to talk to when he is feeling low like that.
I guess we will take it hour by hour day by day... yes he is responsible for his sobriety, and I will try and help his self esteem and the counseling sessions we are signing up for im looking forward to. lots and lots of communication we need.
thats a big part of the problem we had. i was always disgusted and never looked him in the eye or cared to be bothered with him because of the way he treated me. but looking at him yesterday in his eyes was awesome to be able and address the main issues we have with one another.
im sure i will be on here as the days come its not going to be easy but im willing to try
when he comes out it will be back to his outpatient everyday 3 hours and a.a. everyday, which he was always doing but obviously not fully commited.
so we shall see this time.
i learned that he was seriously contemplating suicide and thats what really made him sign himself in... and my worry is that (he said he is scared to come out and relapse) hes coming out too soon . I dont want him to end up killing him self i hope he can keep talking to me and whoever else he needs to talk to when he is feeling low like that.
I guess we will take it hour by hour day by day... yes he is responsible for his sobriety, and I will try and help his self esteem and the counseling sessions we are signing up for im looking forward to. lots and lots of communication we need.
thats a big part of the problem we had. i was always disgusted and never looked him in the eye or cared to be bothered with him because of the way he treated me. but looking at him yesterday in his eyes was awesome to be able and address the main issues we have with one another.
im sure i will be on here as the days come its not going to be easy but im willing to try
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Are you in any counseling for you? To help you determine what you need? I think Al-anon would be priceless in this very stressful situation.
I feel for you, knowing he's not ready to be released and having him come home anyway. That's really hard.
I feel for you, knowing he's not ready to be released and having him come home anyway. That's really hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 78
we talked about what we need from each other to make it work in a long counseling session yesterday,
honest communication is one of the most important on both our lists, since we didnt even communicate all we ever did was fight .
im hoping to be able to do alanon... I know I need something. there are online alanon meetings i used to do, while he was at his a.a. meetings. we have the kids and their homework baths dinner etc so
i feel like i have to do all that first even though its said we need to take care of ourselves first.
maybe i can do one meeting a week while he does all his stuff everyday... and i can use here and fine online alanon again
honest communication is one of the most important on both our lists, since we didnt even communicate all we ever did was fight .
im hoping to be able to do alanon... I know I need something. there are online alanon meetings i used to do, while he was at his a.a. meetings. we have the kids and their homework baths dinner etc so
i feel like i have to do all that first even though its said we need to take care of ourselves first.
maybe i can do one meeting a week while he does all his stuff everyday... and i can use here and fine online alanon again
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear DRO, AA is there, every day, as well as his sponsor, for the feelings he is having. This is the heart of treatment--and where his thinking, attitudes and behaviors will change--and where true recovery happens.
Until he is on a solid path to real recovery, he is not ready for a relationship with anyone else.
Step back and leave it to the professionals.
sincerely, dandylion
Until he is on a solid path to real recovery, he is not ready for a relationship with anyone else.
Step back and leave it to the professionals.
sincerely, dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 78
he said he is always going to be an alcoholic and a drug addict. he said not always active hopefully never again but he wants me to understand that before i decide if i want to be in this relationship...
i did bring that up. i asked him if it crossed his mind that we were toxic for each other while he was in there, and it has and things got a little intense and he had to get up and walk out. when he did that i was like ok i have to figure this out from here (living arrangements and where he would be going on friday if not home) not that it would be my responsibility of finding him a place but i wouldnt want him at the house if he felt that irate. but he came back in after two minutes and said he is willing to work on this ... yeaaaah i hear you cant love someone truly unless you love yourself i get that. i think we both have low self esteem and dont love ourselves. but we are starting to . just by working on ourselves separately and then together. hard work and we will either make it or break it
we have been together since early 2000 and i cheated on him two summers ago, it wasnt about him it was about me when you get down to it. i used to send him dirty pictures of myself and one day he said stop sending me that **** I know what you look like. that devestated me. besides him being a total jerk everyday , that was the lowest blow for my ego and i said well it looks like we are wasting our time here. if hes a jerk and tellllls me to stop (you think most men would like that) so i decided to look else where.
call me what you want ive accepted ive done wrong and will probably go to hell. its low self esteem and codependency along with other things ....
but thats one thing we will have to work on, with communication... its one thing he cant seem to let go and it is totally understandable because i dont think i could get over something like that either.
man i hate that i ramble. the last thing i have to say is that i am going to alanon . i need to figure out my boundaries, detachment etc... i know we need to both work on ourselves.... i also need to and am looking forward to letting him know that i love him and to lift his spirits and whatever i can do to show him i do love him . the counselor asked us both what we needed from one another and he said he needs to hear that i love him stuff like that. i never did it. i used to , years ago but these few years have been horrible and i wasnt so sure.
im willing to give this a try. i hope it will get through and he will realize how much i care and am here for him, so he can just focus on working on himself all the while knowing we are here and love him and he is worth it. thats a big thing for him. i told him we could have left while he was in but were here thgat should say something.
im sure i annoy some of you with these ramblings but its helping me get the racing thoughts out of my head so thanks
i did bring that up. i asked him if it crossed his mind that we were toxic for each other while he was in there, and it has and things got a little intense and he had to get up and walk out. when he did that i was like ok i have to figure this out from here (living arrangements and where he would be going on friday if not home) not that it would be my responsibility of finding him a place but i wouldnt want him at the house if he felt that irate. but he came back in after two minutes and said he is willing to work on this ... yeaaaah i hear you cant love someone truly unless you love yourself i get that. i think we both have low self esteem and dont love ourselves. but we are starting to . just by working on ourselves separately and then together. hard work and we will either make it or break it
we have been together since early 2000 and i cheated on him two summers ago, it wasnt about him it was about me when you get down to it. i used to send him dirty pictures of myself and one day he said stop sending me that **** I know what you look like. that devestated me. besides him being a total jerk everyday , that was the lowest blow for my ego and i said well it looks like we are wasting our time here. if hes a jerk and tellllls me to stop (you think most men would like that) so i decided to look else where.
call me what you want ive accepted ive done wrong and will probably go to hell. its low self esteem and codependency along with other things ....
but thats one thing we will have to work on, with communication... its one thing he cant seem to let go and it is totally understandable because i dont think i could get over something like that either.
man i hate that i ramble. the last thing i have to say is that i am going to alanon . i need to figure out my boundaries, detachment etc... i know we need to both work on ourselves.... i also need to and am looking forward to letting him know that i love him and to lift his spirits and whatever i can do to show him i do love him . the counselor asked us both what we needed from one another and he said he needs to hear that i love him stuff like that. i never did it. i used to , years ago but these few years have been horrible and i wasnt so sure.
im willing to give this a try. i hope it will get through and he will realize how much i care and am here for him, so he can just focus on working on himself all the while knowing we are here and love him and he is worth it. thats a big thing for him. i told him we could have left while he was in but were here thgat should say something.
im sure i annoy some of you with these ramblings but its helping me get the racing thoughts out of my head so thanks
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