DaddyWolf

I am really feeling the need to let my sibs know about my AW.

I have been keeping this secret for some 9 years. It has been the "safe" way of dealing with this... But, I cannot (for so many reasons) lie anymore. Ant I wonder, how much do I tell them?

Has anyone struggled with this?

dandylion

Yes, I have had to admit stuff to family that I avoided talking about (for various reasons). I say tell them what you feel comfortable sharing.

dandylion

jodane

If any of my family were keeping a secret like this then they told me about it, I would go mad at them for not telling me sooner then I would hug them, most likely cry with them, and be there for them 24-7.

bless5

Tell them what you feel comfortable with. From "The Courage to Change", We are only as sick as our secrets! I also told my A that I was not making excuses for him anymore in public. For years I would say "oh, he was just kidding" when he would make an inappropriate comment or cover for him in some way when he made an ass of himself. I finally told him that was ending and I would be truthful and let the injured parties know that he was intoxicated and when he was intoxicated, he was an ass. No more enabling from me!

CeciliaV

It took me a long time to open up to my sister about my AH. And I didn't say anything to my parents until he went into rehab the first time. I'm not telling them about my husband's return to rehab for many reasons, but mostly because it would be a bigger burden on me to console my mom and to field daily "we just had to make sure you're home and safe and alliiiiiiiive" phone calls (yes, really, that's what happened last time!).

As for what/how much to tell? That's up to you. I opened up more to my sister than my parents. She is supportive of me, although I do find myself hearing a lot of "You're way nicer and more patient than I would be" and "he's just a big baby" and the like, and I can't say as I blame her. I focus on myself - I talk about me, I vent about what I want to vent about, and I keep the rest to myself and/or vent about it here where the crowd, shall we say, a bit more understanding.

My last year has been a whirlwind, so I honestly can't even remember when I told my sister or exactly what I said. I do remember it wasn't easy. But it was comforting to know that she was there for me, there to listen. She wasn't mad that I hadn't told her sooner. My parents were a little shocked when I "dropped the bomb" (their words) on them and told them Ah was going to rehab, but they weren't mad at me. It's not like I was being all "mwahaha, I shall keep a secret from you to hurt you!" I just needed to come to a point where I was ready to share something very personal and very difficult.

Do what feels right. Maybe start off slowly and then work your way up so you don't find yourself regretting having divulged more than you're comfortable with later.

EnglishGarden

A few years ago a family went on a picnic---aunts, uncles, children, etc. I believe this was in New Jersey.

One of the mothers put her children in the van to drive back home and she also put her brother's children in the van to bring them along.

No one could tell she was drunk.

She went the wrong way on the freeway and she killed herself and every child in the car with her when she hit another driver head on.

If my sibling had an alcoholic wife, I would want to know.