DreamsofSerenity

I received a very upsetting email from exabf last night. It was a link to some conceptual art piece and a bunch of crap about how he wanted to share it with me because it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, reminded him of me, and that it will prove to me how much he deeply loved me. I deleted it without watching it and burst into tears.

He is the one who left me. He says it was because I wouldn't commit but it was really a punishment for my trying to intervene with his family about his drinking. He made this huge show about how my failures in the relationship were the thing that made him drink, and said he needed space from me to get sober, but that we could be friends in a few months after sobriety was under his belt. The love affair was OVER according to him.

Now he sends me this crap? Why? If he was sober and wanted to be a friend, he would not send a romantic email like this. I think he was drunk when he sent it, and his favorite pastime while drinking was always to f*** with me. He doesn't, nor did he ever love me. He "loved" me like a dog loves his favorite chew toy.

I have been total NC with him for five weeks, and doing so much better. I'm not going to answer him, and need to block him from my email so this doesn't happen to me again.

Anyway, I am sharing because I never do so in Al-Anon. The meetings are huge and I am not comfortable speaking in front of all those people. Also, I want to thank all at SR. Last night when I was momentarily freaking out, I kept thinking about what everyone on SR would have said to do. And deleting his BS became so easy, whereas in the past I would have analyzed the sh*t out of it and probably responded to him.

stella27

block him, honey. Block him. You don't need this crap.

FireSprite

Sounds like you handled the situation wonderfully!

SparkleKitty

Oof. Ditto. Block him. I can guess the piece he is referring to, it's been circulating FB for weeks now. The message is about love transcending relationships. For the artists involved and those who do not try to usurp and personalize their story, it's incredibly powerful. To use it as a comparison for your relationship both cheapens the piece and doesn't acknowledge the realness of what happened between you. The artists chose to end their relationship because it had run its course; not because one of them was having an affair with a bottle.

I'm sorry you're hurting. If it helps, IMO, this just reinforces that he is not someone you should be with.

DreamsofSerenity

Thanks for the support, everyone. And thank you SparkleKitty for telling me about that video piece. My ex knows I quit FB and therefore wouldn't have seen it. I'm so glad I didn't watch it. I guess I intuitvely knew it was just a way of his to hurt me, or make me pine away for our "lost love"--what a crock of sh*t. I can't even be mad at him, just sad he is still drinking--not that I expected any differently. I know he is not the man for me, and actually want nothing to do with him ever again, sober or not.

I can't believe how far I've come and I seriously owe most of it to SR. I know Al-Anon is very good but the people in my meeting all speak very philosophically, almost in the abstract. I think most of them are much further along in their recovery than I am so they barely ever mention their alcoholics. Sometimes it's helpful to hear the stories of people who are still struggling because it helps to see yourself in them.

LexieCat

You're doing great, Erika.

Hugs,

DreamsofSerenity

Thanks, Lexie.. And thanks for everything you do on SR!

Rosiepetal

The way you have reacted to this situation shows how far you've come already in your recovery.
Good girl, keep doing what you're doing, it will be ok.

brokenrose

Erika...I know its been a long while since I pm'd you or posted....I am so proud of you, I really am. I can "hear" the strength in your words....and you know what I feel the exact same way as you do now...once I finally blocked him, I let him go, and now I feel nothing towards him absolutely nothing. I remember praying months ago for him to contact me, that he had made the biggest mistake of his life, and now I pray and say I hope I never see him again and Dear God when the time is right send me somebody new. Like we said in the early days Erika, we will be fine, those guys will not. As always we can thank all these wise people who have helped me (and you) so much with their wisdom and experience. All the best Erika! Stay strong. Hugs!

DreamsofSerenity

Rose!! I've been wondering what happened to you but assumed all was well. I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better and have seen the light about your ex. You are a strong woman and I knew you'd be okay.

Yes, I am doing better. I'm definitely in a different place but have a ways to go with my own recovery. At least I've moved on from mean alcoholic . It makes it so much easier to love myself without him around hating me.

Thanks for checking in.. Hugs!!!!