What do you do?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 124
Keep posting. I had a rough night myself. Sometimes I just want to cry with the way the xgf fights. I feel I want it, and she's in dreamland. Then I imagine how easy it would be with none of the drama mess. Ugh. You are going to be fine...bumps in road are expected. Keep on swimming!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by iamthird 
Ok, ive read, watched movies, cleaned, talked with friends, surfed the net, slept, journaled....and every time I come to a quiet moment, separated AH pops in my head. Thinking of him, wondering what he is doing, who he is with, if he thinks of me and our child, if he thinks about turning his life around and getting sober again....
What the heck is wrong with me? I know I deserve better and I am not acting on these thoughts, but its honest that these are my thoughts. Is this eventually going to fade over time? We have been separated for 9 months and i feel like I should be further along.
My higher power is helping a lot right now but the wheels turn in my mind. I wonder how he can just walk away from wife and child and latch on to a new girl who enables his terrible behavior. I go from missing him to anger to hoping he feels the pain of the damage he has caused.
I guess I just want to know when this gets easier...it doesnt feel like it hurts any less than the first day he relapsed and walked out.
What the heck is wrong with me? I know I deserve better and I am not acting on these thoughts, but its honest that these are my thoughts. Is this eventually going to fade over time? We have been separated for 9 months and i feel like I should be further along.
My higher power is helping a lot right now but the wheels turn in my mind. I wonder how he can just walk away from wife and child and latch on to a new girl who enables his terrible behavior. I go from missing him to anger to hoping he feels the pain of the damage he has caused.
I guess I just want to know when this gets easier...it doesnt feel like it hurts any less than the first day he relapsed and walked out.
First of all- Yes, it gets better, but you must make that happen.
I used to do this, to myself, and realized I only hurt myself with those thoughts. when you get tired of hurting yourself over someone not worth worrying about, you will stop. that was my realization, anyway.
i was totally in control of how much pain I felt over anyone.
a certain amount of grief is normal, but flogging yourself over and over wishing for someone who has hurt you greatly, is self destruction. not very productive. He will get his reward. He will either get well or he won't , and nothing you could ever do will make any difference. You are free to take care of you! you deserve this.
I asked myself, and maybe you should too, 'Would I really want him back? Is he my FRIEND?' would things be lovely and happy, and would I get what I need in life if he was here today?' I bet you really know the answers to these things. perhaps your answers are what mine were. No, no and no.
work on changing where your mind goes. dwell on positive things, your mind will respond in a good way, and you have to find your own happiness, and make a good life for yourself, and deal with all you must do to become well. it is hard to fight a disease when you feed yourself with negativity.
I say this with love , and I am sorry that you are hurting, but you are the only one who can stop the pain you feel over that abusive relationship. what he does is no reflection on who you are as a loveable person.
prayers for a better day today. focus on you! you deserve peace and wellness.
love and hugs
chicory
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