lettinggoagain

I want to thank you all for your posts. I have been on this site for almost two weeks now. I was with my alcoholic boyfriend for two years off and on. I finally have (tomorrow) two weeks of no contact. This has been the hardest part. Almost harder than actually dealing with his BS for all that time. Reading your posts daily have helped me tremendously from staying stuck in that cycle. He was verbally abusive and you have all helped me understand that it was not me that caused any of that...it was his disease. I knew going in that he had a drinking problem, but I guess I just didnt want to believe that it was that bad, or if he was with me it would get better because I would make him happy so he wouldnt want to drink so much. I thought that I could fill the void that was causing that drinking. I now know that it is his underlying issues that he has left unresolved that is causing him to stay stuck in that undesirable lifestyle.
That cycle was so tiring and I honestly dont know how I got through it. I feel so free from it all now. My coworkers have even noticed that I am happier and they can see it...I didnt know it was that obvious. I miss him so much at times, but then I think what do i miss really? abuse? being scared that he will get a dui or kill someone when driving drunk? im embarrassed to say this but he peed the bed numerous times and that was disgusting. How can someone just be ok with that? I dont get that at all. I wish this disease would just GO AWAY! I dont miss wishing for a future that never seemed to come true....he was just like so many of the alcoholics that you post about....that is one of the main things that has helped me. seeing that he is so similar to the others helps me be OK with walking away. knowing that he will probably stay that way or possibly get worse makes it easier to let go. another thing that helps me is acknowledging that i was in love with the potential him...that REALLY helped me put this into perspective. its crazy how you think your eyes are wide open but they werent....i can say they are now. wide open....i know i want more from a man and i know i deserve it....i will never take him back....and if he gets sober i dont know if i would even take him back then....i dont want to be scared for the rest of my life worrying that he might sink back into this lifestyle that saddens me so much. I want a life of happiness and i DESERVE it! I wish there was a magical cure to open his eyes. i worry about him from time to time, but you are all helping me let that go also. you cant help someone that doesnt want to help themselves. it was so tiring waiting all that time for what never came about. empty promises....daily....NO THANK YOU!!
I dont know if this is the kind of post that I am supposed to write here....but i really needed to say thank you because you have saved me from myself. I havent started going to alanon yet....but that is my next step. i am eternally grateful for this site and cant say that enough....
i have noticed that this awareness is helping in other areas of my life too....i find that i am letting other things go that i used to worry about or think it was my job to fix...so THANK YOU ALL!

LexieCat

Hey, kiddo, you made MY day--and probably a few others' here.

Feel free to stick around. You might have some great stuff to share with other new people!

TakingCharge999

(((Hugs)))

I am glad you posted and are finding new ways to live! life in this side -recovery- IS wonderful. This site is a life line, I agree.

We deserve all the good things in life :ghug3 this is a HUGE realization!! well done!