Talltrees

I know this is probably something I should have my own thoughts about, but I was hoping to start a discussion anyway. And maybe this isn't the most fitting forum to discuss it on, but I want to hear from the people I'm used to talking to.

Last year I met a really good friend. The first real friend I've had since we moved to this state 15 months ago. She's my age, and has two kids about the same age as mine. Since then, we've spent tons of time together for playdates. But over the summer I learned that I really, really don't like her husband. He's a complete chauvinist (this is just my opinion of course, but his wife does joke that it's true). He took pictures of me giving our kids a bath together, which wasn't horrible, but I thought it was inappropriate, seeing how we're not extensively friendly with each other. And pretty often the two of them argue angrily until he storms out, right in front of me. Anyway, I also found out he is kind of a pot head. It came up one day when his wife asked me if I'd ever be interested in smoking with them. When I understood what she meant, I sort of laughed and mentioned I haven't tried that in seven or eight years. He laughed back and proudly said his last smoke was three days ago. I think they could both tell I was uncomfortable and we dropped it, then his wife brought it up later and apologized that things got weird, and started telling me he only does it to relax after work.

So the reason this is all important, is that I asked her (before I knew all this) if she'd watch my kids while I went to school for a semester. I have one semester of student teaching left, and then I get my degree in Elementary Education. Well, she agreed, we talked it over, we made plans, but it turns out our tenants moved out of our other house in SC recently and we're trying to find renters or buyers (aka we are paying two mortgages and can't risk paying for me to finish school at this moment without a loan, which we want to do without). That was a good excuse to call off our agreement, and I haven't brought it up since. I think she's a nice friend, but I don't want her watching my kids if there's a chance her husband will be home. I'm also not crazy about the idea of her being with them alone either anymore, since she made it pretty obvious that she smokes too, even if she never said it out loud. So the answer is no. I haven't told her permanently. I don't know what I'll say when she asks, but I will figure that out.

Honestly, I think I've been denying the fact that I'm a little lonely here. I consider myself happy, sometimes even energetic, but I feel like I haven't been able to meet many people like me. I've always got my husband, and he makes me happy every day, but why does my only close friend have to have a jerk husband and smoke pot? lol, I'm not really asking that.

I don't know where I'm going with this. What I really wanted to know was everyone's thoughts on marijuana. Seems like a lot of people do it. Normal people. Since becoming an adult, then a parent, I've always been disgusted by the idea of anyone in my life smoking pot, addict or not. My husband and I are... what's the word? Plain? Obedient? We're not into bad stuff and never really have been.

Am I overreacting when I think of every pot smoker as a lazy, despicable piece of trash?

And with all this with legalization of marijuana going on?! I'm disgusted by that too. Did SR talk about that? I want to know what all of you smart people think ;-)

SparkleKitty

Over-generalizing, maybe. But I think the point is you aren't comfortable with admitted pot smokers watching your kids, and you are perfectly entitled to feel that, and to act accordingly!

ZiggyB

Yeah you are sounding pretty judgmental there.

IMO people that smoke pot are less obnoxious than drinkers. They don't tend to get angry, violent or commit crimes under the influence of their substance. You can't overdose on it. Check out this website for some other interesting points:

SAFER - Marijuana vs. Alcohol

Of course I also wouldn't want to be around someone who was doing it all day, every day. It can be psychologically addictive and tends to be demotivating if it turns into a serious habit. I guess that would be your "pot head" friend.

Regarding legalizing it: I live in California where it is very prevalent anyway. I don't see why not as long as it isn't available to minors. Out here a lot of "normal" people do it and I don't have a problem with it. I am less disgusted by that than the people I see hanging out at bars all day.

PohsFriend

I think alcohol is worse.

When my 17 year old artist asked me about my thoughts on it I was honest - my main objection was that it's marketed by criminals who don't care whether they use pesticides, who kill people and Who market worse things like meth.

Then we turned to google and looked at the medical evidence, then talked about what an arrest would do to her full ride art scholly ...

She stopped me then and said it just wasn't worth trying it.

Here's a question - id be more worried about a drunk babysitter than one who just smoked some weed now and then but I have a different worry. Drug users hang out with drug dealers, drug dealers are, or know, some really scary folks

Seren

Bottom line for me would be a two-parter.

I would not want my children being cared for by someone under the influence of alcohol or marijuana.

I would not want my children being cared for by someone who has an illegal substance in their home with the risk of being raided by the police while my children were there.

Just my 0.02.

Redheadsusie

I hate it- My AH does it to sober him up some and then he can drink more. He has said he would quit so many times I can't tell you - he gets drug tested at work so he buys this stuff to mask it in his pee. It is illegal where I live and I don't want to be around it or people who do it. Just my humble opinion. I find it sad a 48 year old man (my AH) does it period.

raja12

I don't like pot. I think it is addictive,as much as alcohol is. I think anyone who needs to use any substance to get high,is an addict. Most mj smokers I know don't think of themselves as addicts. And even though pot is illegal,they feel superior to alcoholics. Granted the high is different,but the point remains the same. They are using,so therefore not sober.

FireSprite

I, personally, have known many super-intelligent, very "together" people that smoke pot. Contractors, attorneys, doctors, CPA's... I've met all kinds of uber professional people that handle smoking just fine. In my experience, just smoking pot isn't enough for someone to be a total trashy loser.

However, this guy kinds sounds like a jerk with or without the influence of any substances. That would influence my decision more than the marijuana usage, for me personally. I've run into that situation before when DD wanted to spend the night with a school friend. The mom seemed to be ok to me, but the dad was a total jerk & I wasn't comfortable with DD being around him at all so we still do playdates, but only in public places or at our house.

Justfor1

Marijuana is a very dangerous drug & is without a doubt a "gateway drug" to the harder narcotics. Not all pot smokers are laid back & easy going while high either. I knew a guy who would get very speedy & aggressive when he smoked that stuff. Pot smokers love to point out that it's a plant from the Earth. However, heroin comes from the poppy seed and cocaine/crack come from a coca leave. Pot smokers love to minimize the negative effects compared to alcohol. Then when the pot smoker gets arrested or fails a drug test they whine & complain. Pot is illegal in 48 States & that is why they get arrested.

Florence

What hydrogirl said.

I smoked a lot of pot in my youth, among other things. I'm not a Pollyanna about it, but neither am I a Pollyanna about the way it affects people who are driving and/or caring for children.

Bottom line, if you're high, you shouldn't be taking care of kids. It serves the pro-marijuana legalization argument no issue to concede that people who are high should not be primary caregivers at that time.

NYCDoglvr

All mood-altering druges are addictive. Since pot affects judgement, I wouldn't want a pot-smoking person taking care of my kids. Have you tried Meetup.org? It's a free program that helps you connect to others in your area who share common interests.

thislonelygirl

What do I think of pot?
Just like there are drinkers and alcoholics
I feel there are people who abuse weed and frankly are immature and dumb
And revolves around smoking.
Then there are some who know when to smoke and when not too and
And are responsible. That is fine for them.
Me I wouldnt smoke.dont like it for me or my life and wouldn't want it around my
Home etc but what responsible smokers do is their business
The irresponsible ones can take a hike in my world lol.

Talltrees

Yes. The superiorty thing annoys me severely.

Comparing it to alcoholism wasn't really what I was going for, but I guess that's fair. To me though, it's like saying "If you NEED a substance to numb you up, choose marijuana. Alcohol is for the real losers."

It's all losing.

I actually don't know many people who are "together" and smoke pot, but good for those who are, I guess. My parents smoked it when I was a kid and still do. They're both alcoholics with violence/anger issues among other mental diagnoses. My brother smoked marijuana when he was 13, then started selling it when he was 14, then he became a scary dealer and user of all sorts. It's always been in my head that if my parents had just been able to set a better example (I understand that they could not), maybe he wouldn't be in prison today. Not necessarily saying he wouldn't still have his struggles with addiction, but he certainly doesn't have a supportive family to return to, if he ever does make an attempt to stay clean.

Thank you for the validation :-) I don't think my thoughts on pot smokers are an overreaction. Maybe despicable wasn't the word though. I know it is addictive. Even if not chemically (have not researched that in depth), certainly psychologically.

We all know people who can't stop are addicts.
I think people who do it for fun have maturity issues.

Both of those would indicate a problem. Just my opinion.

Thank again!

Freedom1990

I don't hang out with people who feel the need to chemically alter their state of mind, even if it's pot.

My 34-year-old AD already has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, a direct result of smoking cigarettes and smoking pot on a daily basis for 15 years.

lillamy

Your gut is saying something's "off" with these people.
You're asking yourself if you are entitled to feeling that way.
You're trying to justify making a decision regarding your kids that your gut has already made for you.

You are entitled to listening to your gut.
You don't have to justify, to yourself or otherwise, why you don't want your kids with these people.
If they ask, you can say "Thank you, but I've made other plans."

Trust yourself. This is about you picking up on things subconsciously that you can't verbalize, and you're worried about having to explain yourself.
You have no obligation to explain yourself.

And to answer your question -- I think pot is a drug. Legal or not doesn't matter. I won't have addicts or users watch my children.

Carol Star

imho- very addictive, lose your motivation to do anything- changing seats on the Titanic-withdrawal causes alot of anger.......