ugh
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 222
ugh
Sometimes I am strong and sometimes, like now, I am weak. It is one month as of today for our break up...and I'm awake hours before my alarm is scheduled to go off. Rehashing everything... I want to sob and roll into a ball. It hurts so incredibly bad. I opened my eyes and it was like an arrow pierced my heart. A flood of memories.. My life is simpler; yet I keep feeling like I am the one that has lost out. I pray and my eyes still refuse to close. I am so tired...just drained to the core. I miss the good parts of him. I miss who I thought he was. I miss my ignorance of alcoholism's effect on others. I miss holding hands as we fell asleep. I miss my bestfriend.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
I also miss those things about my XAH. But I don't miss the insanity that went with his alcoholism. I've gotten my life back to "normal" and it feels wonderful. You will, too, TeetahLee. Be gentle with yourself.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I kept a record of my *funk* days. I have a medical history of clinical depression. I keep a log of my down/funk/blue days so that I can catch myself getting stuck in depression.
It's okay to seek medical attention if you feel you are unable to recover from the depression of grieving the end of a relationship. It is something positive you do for yourself.
It's okay to seek medical attention if you feel you are unable to recover from the depression of grieving the end of a relationship. It is something positive you do for yourself.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
When my bouts of bad days were at the very darkest, I practiced a kind of focused observation. I had spent so many years in and out of dark moods without ever paying attention. When I began to simply notice and acknowledge when I was moving in or existing in a darker place, it helped remove some of the anxiety from the situation. I literally said to myself in a mirror, "I am here, this is where I am, it's not where I want to be, and it will not last."
I realize now that I was giving myself permission to feel the terrible things I had fought so long and so hard to push away. Some days? All I needed to do was acknowledge it and accept to begin moving out of it. Some days, of course, it wasn't that simple. I, too, have lain awake at 4 in the morning missing things and hurting. I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can tell you is that, in my experience, it got better. It really, really did.
Sending you strength and ((hugs)).
I realize now that I was giving myself permission to feel the terrible things I had fought so long and so hard to push away. Some days? All I needed to do was acknowledge it and accept to begin moving out of it. Some days, of course, it wasn't that simple. I, too, have lain awake at 4 in the morning missing things and hurting. I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can tell you is that, in my experience, it got better. It really, really did.
Sending you strength and ((hugs)).
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