kudzujean

The reason I ask is my father was an alcoholic, and by the time I was old enough to be aware, he seemed to enjoy hurting my mother and also hurting me to indirectly hurt her.

I remember reading somewhere "if you're beating your enemy over the head with a club, you don't much care if you break your club in the process."

Another thing, too, yeah, I know some people who aren't alcoholics enjoy hurting other people.


I have read lots of good stuff here on SR.

dollydo

I believe that is a personality disorder enhanced by drugs or alcohol.

Tuffgirl

I agree to a certain extent. My friend was definitely angry before she died, but she wasn't overtly cruel to others. However, my Mom, when she is manic AND drunk, is meaner than a wet hornet. I think its often based on the level of denial and blame-storming going on within a person, and definitely exacerbated by personality disorders.

Your Mom, for instance, was the perfect target as the spouse, who is often blamed by alcoholics. My Mom insists my Dad "made her crazy". My Ex was certain his drinking was because of this "bad marriage" he was in (with me).

Interestingly enough - my friend never blamed anyone else for her drinking, at least not to me. Even up to the very end, she was fully accountable for her actions.

So that's a long, rambling, comparative response, which probably could have been summed up with a simple "depends on the person". ; )

choublak

I remember reading somewhere that sociopaths do have a tendency to use drugs or alcohol.

thislonelygirl

He could have truly enjoyed it and that was who he was. He could have
Had mental problems enhanced by using or he could have been hurting others because thats what addicts do....they hurt others.

Hopeworks

My father enjoyed hurting others and I don't recall him ever having empathy for others. He was very twisted in addition to his alcoholism and when he was drunk he was a scary man.

The day I broke with him emotionally forever is when he ran over my pet dog in the sand and deliberately ran him over again by throwing it in reverse to insure he killed the dog completely to avoid the coming vet bill. He ran him over unintentionally to begin with but laughed about it later.

Another time two of our dogs were fighting and my dad's favorite dog was losing the fight so he grabbed a 2x4 and cracked her over the head for being a wimp! Drunken insanity.

And my dad loved animals more than he ever cared for his family or people ... what he did to us kids to create a level of fear and terror was unbelievably cruel.

Maylie

I think it depends on the person.

Many times depression and mental disorders accompany addiction which could account for some of the excessive harmful actions and complete disregard for the people around them.

In all honesty, we can try to figure out what goes on in the minds of our A's, but at the end of the day all we'll have are guesses. What is most important is not why they act the way they do, it is how we react to what our A's do. I have made a point in my life to try to avoid people who exhibit such extreme behaviours (some are easier to stay away from than others unfortunately).

kudzujean

What he did to the animals was bad enough.

Glad you survived!

Carol Star

I have read they lose the ability to feel remorse.

sofie

That is scary stuff. It's horrible people have to witness that...

Hope4Life

My father would come home from work drunk, EVERY SINGLE DAY! He would walk in the house with a 5th of Bourbon Deluxe and proceed to berate and terrorize my Mom, Brother and I. Verbal and Mental torture were his specialty but when he grabbed my Mom one time and bruised both her arms, that was it for me.

I was 17 and he was 50..... I put my nose right in his face and let him know that if he EVER did that again, I was going to KICK HIS ASS! I was so pissed off that I was spitting as I was letting him have it.... if I remember correctly, my Mom pulled me away.

A sad incident for sure....but after that he seemed to have more respect for me and luckily he never got physical with Mom (or me) again.

I cant imagine that scenario you described and I am sorry you had to go through that. I would have hurt him badly if he did something like that.....

ZiggyB

I had an incident like that with my father once and he never even drank... he got angry at my brother and broke his arm. I was quite furious & told him never to do anything like that again. We were hit quite often as kids.

As for my axbf, he would seem apologetic after hurting me but not apologetic enough to actually do something about it, like get help. I believe he will just move on to the next person and repeat a longstanding pattern he has had. He tends to blame the women for everything. He seemed proud of the fact that he never actually hit me but I think in some ways the verbal abuse is just as damaging. I certainly wish I had never met him for the amount of pain he caused me.

lovingenabler

My Alkie Grandfather once pulled out a massive gas tank with a blow torch and attempted to use it to stop a pair of fighting dogs from killing themselves. When that didn't work, he pulled out his gun!!!!