ForeverOptimist

So... The holidays have been interesting. Thank goodness my mother is here to offer some sanity. But most of our events have been with AH's family. Maybe they are not all hard core A's but they all drink a lot. The kicker was tonite - AH was out with 18 yr old nephew and bought him a fifth of rum. He's from Canada and ca legally drink there but I am not OK with it in our house. Plus, what kind of an example is this setting??? I guess i wonder sometimes if AH will ever get sober with the family he has. As much as I might still hope for that for him I wonder if I am fooling myself. It's me against all of them and I think I'm on the losing side. Anyone's spouse been able to overcome this -- or is it a losing battle? I almost wonder if he sees drinking as a part of his family identity.

Recovering2

If he doesn't see it as a problem, then nothing will change. It's not about how he sees it, it's about how you feel about it. You are (rightfully so) uncomfortable serving alcohol to a minor in your home. You are uncomfortable with the drinking in his family. Doesn't matter if they're all A's or not. What matters is you are not comfortable. That counts. As long as nothing changes...I would say you are fooling yourself to expect change. Don't worry about what your AH is doing...get help for yourself...it's the only part you can control.

neferkamichael

It is illegal to serve alcohol to an 18 year old, that's what I'd be concerned about. If something went wrong and the law showed up, you could be charged as well as all the other adults.

dabrewsky

You cannot give away what you do not have. Love yourself and when It's paramount to say NO, say IT if it's imperative to say DO NOT, go ahead and say it. Recovery begins with YOU(rself). just sayin.

thislonelygirl

There have been alcoholics who come from family dynamics where drinking is the norm and rise above it.
He must want it for him though. He must crave sanity within himself to be independent from his family in their choices and values.

redatlanta

People, places and things - yes I do think if you have people (family) around you drinking its easier to rationalize that you don't have a problem.

Yet there are many on here who do not drink and their spouses/children/SO are alcoholics. My AH's parents were not drinkers when he was a child and still aren't - yet he is an alcoholic.

IMO its more about him than his family, much more. They didn't cause it and they aren't the reason he isn't sober. He is.

BoxinRotz

My AH's whole family are alcoholics. He hasn't talked to his mom since before Thanksgiving because she's as big of a drunk as he could be. It's sad but AH says that if he wants to be sober, he cannot have them in his life. He told me that when he went to rehab 20 years ago or more, he knew that if he had them in his life, he'd never ever be sober because they went to rehab to visit him drunk!