EmmyG

As I've documented on SR, my husband is a binge-alcoholic. This last stretch (6 months) of sobriety came to an end on Monday night, when he went to dinner at the home of the doctor he works with. This doctor is a very nice man and has been a good friend to my husband. The doctor is sadly suffering with terminal cancer. He broke out a several-thousand dollar bottle of wine and my husband partook. Unfortunately, he got a DUI on his way home. Fortunately, it was his first one and his BAC wasn't very high, so he shouldn't be punished too severely.

I'm so disgusted with him for getting a DUI, and for taking a drink. I can't begin to comprehend how he can tell me he absolutely won't drink and remind him of all the bad things that happen when he does, yet when faced with a social setting and an offer, he can't resist it if I'm not there. How does he take it so lightly? He says I wouldn't understand, and that I'm taking it personally, when in the moment he really isn't thinking that he's hurting our family because he thinks he'll control it.

I don't know what to do. I can't do this every six moths for eternity. Since we moved to this house and this neighborhood, and he's been making such an effort to be a better dad/husband, our boys have been really happy and doing great. We have a nice little routine going. AH set-up soccer goals in the backyard and they've been having a blast playing together. I hate to disrupt their lives when they have no idea daddy drank.

AH tells me he has nothing to say because he knows words mean nothing. He says he had a problem, he is going to take proactive action immediately, and that he's not just doing it for me. I've heard this before. I love him and I love our family. I told him I am absolutely uncomfortable with him going into drinking settings without me right now and he said that's totally understandable and he won't be doing that. That seems to be the only time this happens. He doesn't drink outside of those situations.

Do I make demands or do I say nothing? I've really come to the conclusion that talk means nothing and ultimatums and "convincing" are a waste of my time.

choublak

Well, at least he's being honest, and not blaming his drinking on, say, the dog or the weather.

I understand your frustration though.

LoveMeNow

What kind of pro-action is he going to take? Right now, it is every 6 months but it is a progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions, and death.

Honestly, I don't want and can not babysit, police or try to control my husbands choices any more. I found once I started working my own recovery with Alanon, I was able to accept that I am powerless over anyone else. It was so freeing and life changing for me.

My husband is working on his recovery too and its hasn't been easy. He relapsed once because he wasn't "as bad as some" (comparing out) and thought he could control it again. Despite all the consequences of his addiction, he actually questioned if he was an addict. He found out, and yes he is. Addiction is very cunning!

You don't have to make a decision right now, if don't want to. Alanon has a saying.....more will be revealed and it is so true.

Keep reading and educating yourself so you can make a wise decision if the time comes. In the mean time, enjoy your life and keep the holiday spirit. God Bless!

EmmyG

He's saying he'll go to the next SMART meeting in our area that he's been talking about going to for awhile. He was also supposed to join a soccer team but he told the manager he's not going to join now because all of the guys are young and single, and that hasn't been the best environment for him in the past.

He's telling me he's so sorry for letting me down but to please understand why. I'm not holding my breath for change. But I'm at least glad he's not denying this is a problem and he didn't try to hide this.