Apparently I caused his drinking.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Originally Posted by owathu 
Thanks everyone for the kind words. What he said really really stung. Apparently his affair wasn't traumatic at all and I should just shut up about it. If he is sober, I am truly happy for him. And I would be perfectly fine with our marriage ending to have him sober.
Other than that, I am truly seeing him, the real him. Not the fantasy I have had in my head for the last decade. He is not that fantasy I had of him. This cruel person, drunk or sober, that's the real him.
Other than that, I am truly seeing him, the real him. Not the fantasy I have had in my head for the last decade. He is not that fantasy I had of him. This cruel person, drunk or sober, that's the real him.
Yes, we are still in love with the Illusion!! but it is just that an illusion! Keep your head up !! God has something much better for you!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
It wasn't until I came on this site that I realised that blaming is what most A's seem to do. My A loves to blame me for his addiction and it got to the point where I actually believed it. I am now starting to understand that he is going to drink with or without me in his life.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Yup. We all saw you. With that funnel and sledgehammer beating those bottles of vodka down his throat while he was fighting you off going, "no, no, you evil wench, leave me alone!"
Puhleeeze.
Here's what I know about active alcoholics: They will deny the bleeding obvious and claim the total opposite even in light of overwhelming evidence. They will push any and all responsibility to whoever is closest.
If he lived alone with a cat, the cat would "make him drink." Yup.
My AXH was more subtle. After I left him, he asked me if I had ever considered why he had to drink all those years we were married, and if I wasn't going to have any insight into the shortcomings that I had that drove people around me to doing desperate things.
Puhleeeze.
Here's what I know about active alcoholics: They will deny the bleeding obvious and claim the total opposite even in light of overwhelming evidence. They will push any and all responsibility to whoever is closest.
If he lived alone with a cat, the cat would "make him drink." Yup.
My AXH was more subtle. After I left him, he asked me if I had ever considered why he had to drink all those years we were married, and if I wasn't going to have any insight into the shortcomings that I had that drove people around me to doing desperate things.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by lillamy
Yup. We all saw you. With that funnel and sledgehammer beating those bottles of vodka down his throat while he was fighting you off going, "no, no, you evil wench, leave me alone!"
Puhleeeze.
Here's what I know about active alcoholics: They will deny the bleeding obvious and claim the total opposite even in light of overwhelming evidence. They will push any and all responsibility to whoever is closest.
If he lived alone with a cat, the cat would "make him drink." Yup.
My AXH was more subtle. After I left him, he asked me if I had ever considered why he had to drink all those years we were married, and if I wasn't going to have any insight into the shortcomings that I had that drove people around me to doing desperate things.
Puhleeeze.
Here's what I know about active alcoholics: They will deny the bleeding obvious and claim the total opposite even in light of overwhelming evidence. They will push any and all responsibility to whoever is closest.
If he lived alone with a cat, the cat would "make him drink." Yup.
My AXH was more subtle. After I left him, he asked me if I had ever considered why he had to drink all those years we were married, and if I wasn't going to have any insight into the shortcomings that I had that drove people around me to doing desperate things.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by redatlanta
If you talk to him again would you please let him know that he made me just eat a doughnut I didn't need and I am really pissed off about it.
Quack quack quack
Quack quack quack
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Good I am glad you laughed! Humor gets me through life.
Reality is your husband no more made me eat a doughnut than you made him drink. Fact. I have found with RAH when he made ridiculous accusations I threw them right back at him.
AH - "you made me get upset and say things I didn't mean its not my fault I said you're an awful person and I want to move out"
Me - "oh wow I am sorry. 20 years ago you made me call my boss an ******* and I got fired from my job".
AH - "I didn't even know you 20 years ago that's ridiculous!!!"
Me - I know but its still your fault.
He doesn't do that anymore.
Reality is your husband no more made me eat a doughnut than you made him drink. Fact. I have found with RAH when he made ridiculous accusations I threw them right back at him.
AH - "you made me get upset and say things I didn't mean its not my fault I said you're an awful person and I want to move out"
Me - "oh wow I am sorry. 20 years ago you made me call my boss an ******* and I got fired from my job".
AH - "I didn't even know you 20 years ago that's ridiculous!!!"
Me - I know but its still your fault.
He doesn't do that anymore.
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