itsvally13

Yesterday I had a good day because I was busy. Today, I was so lonely at times without him. It has been 4 days since I have seen/spoke to my ex. Seems like an eternity when you spend almost every waking moment with them.

This morning I just wanted to run away. Run as far away as I could from everyone, including my own family who have done nothing but try to help me during this trying time. I did leave for a bit. I went for a drive to clear my head. When I came home I was a little better.

It's like a rollercoster ride. One minute I'm okay, the next I am upset and crying, the next I am enraged, the next I feel numb, then I feel free. I feel like I'm CRAZY!

I applied for a few jobs today, as I don't have one because I recently just got out of school and pursued a job in my field (dental assisting) and it didn't work out. I applied at a few places that have nothing to do with my field so I can stay busy. I don't feel that I am ready to pursue my job field just yet. I don't know if it was because of my previous nightmarish job or what. But I want nothing to do with what I went to school for as of right now.

I am also trying to learn how to make myself happy. This is so hard for me because I depended on my addict for 3 years to make me happy. And he did! despite being an addict. (are these codependent tendencies?) I just don't know where to begin to try to make myself happy. I don't have many friends, so I was thinking getting some sort of job would help me meet people. It is driving me crazy sitting at home all day everyday.

I miss who I thought was my "other half" every single day. It is excruciating at times, and I feel like I could pull my hair out.

LifeRecovery

I definitely found after I left that being busy helped me to numb out from what was going on.

I want to say that what you are experiencing is pretty normal (from what i have read and what I experienced). Could some of your free time be spent doing some recovery work from your experience, and if so what are you doing?

Finally there was a book by Susan Anderson during this time that helped me called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing.

Keep posting it helped me a lot.

cr995

I know how you feel , just posted something similar. I am hoping that this passes the thought of always feeling like this - is I guess the scary and depressing bit. It must get better, I wish I'd never met him. I thought he was so nice, Hope we get over this.
Hugs to you.

PohsFriend

Hang in there sweety. We all get overwhelmed sometimes.

One good question I learned here is to ask yourself "what's the next right thing?"
Then do it. If you can't figure out that question just find the next good thing - work out, put in some job apps, do anything productive.

And keep reading and talking through it. This place will prove to you that either you are not crazy or else you are but here on the island of misfit toys there are lots of other crazies and we are good company.

..laughter is always a good thing ;-)

itsvally13

Thank you for your kind words. When I broke up with him at first I told him I wished I had never met him. But everything happens for a reason. I was meant to meet him. Maybe if I hadn't met him, he wouldn't be coming to terms with his addiction. Maybe it would be too late if I wasn't in his life. Who knows? I have learned so much from him. Even with all the pain and suffering. He was truly a great guy, but the devil addiction captured him. I hope you start to find peace with yourself too. This is going to be a long road for both of us. I wish you all the luck in the world to get through this as well.

ZiggyB

Hi,
I know what you are going through and it is difficult. I have been having a very hard time rebuilding my life, my axbf and I were together for 3 years and we spent all of our weekends together as well as most of our time during the week. When we broke up I was devastated, even though I knew it was the right thing for me.

I am sure a job would help you to take your mind off things, but what you need now are ways to stay busy. Try anything to get you out of your own head and not moping - take up an exercise program, do volunteer work, join a Meetup group, go to the library and read a book, find a hobby or craft project that you like to do, go to church, go to meditation class.

It's pretty common when a relationship ends to feel lost without your partner there. You will adjust, it just may take a while.

itsvally13

Ziggy, thank you so much for that. I needed to hear that. My axbf and I were together for almost exactly 3 years. He went to rehab 4 days before our 3rd anniversary It is so hard, sometimes i'm up, sometimes i'm down. Sometimes I'm numb. The stupidest reminder of him can set me off crying buckets of tears. I hate it. This site is so helpful though. I know it was the right thing to do. I'm just trying to continue on day by da.