A Is "Trying" But I want Out
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Westland,
GOOD for you.
Getting out is a great step toward regaining control over your life.
And I don't want to preach attcha but I've been divorced for more than two years (separated 2 1/2) from my alcoholic and I can tell you the behaviors I learned during that marriage (including taking responsibility for another adult's behaviors and choices) are still haunting me.
Al-Anon. Hang out here and chat -- because the ups and downs of post-leaving are kind of good to have support for, too -- and read up on codependency. So that you can leave the baggage behind, too, not just the alcoholic.
GOOD for you.
Getting out is a great step toward regaining control over your life.
And I don't want to preach attcha but I've been divorced for more than two years (separated 2 1/2) from my alcoholic and I can tell you the behaviors I learned during that marriage (including taking responsibility for another adult's behaviors and choices) are still haunting me.
Al-Anon. Hang out here and chat -- because the ups and downs of post-leaving are kind of good to have support for, too -- and read up on codependency. So that you can leave the baggage behind, too, not just the alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by Westland 
Just thought I should give an update since you all were so helpful and kind. I have moved out, and my back is killing me from packing today. She says she has been up since I left three nights ago. I am fine with the leaving but as I was finishing up packing for tonight, I went out to tell her I was leaving, and it was just so sad. She is killing herself slowly. The heavy drinking, medications, not eating, not sleeping, all add up to one conclusion and that breaks my heart. I really do feel bad for her--but that doesn't change the fact that I cannot be there to save her. She has to do it herself or not at all.
I learned a lot here about how I was enabling her behaviors, and I watch her mother who lives there, and she is on hyperdrive enabling.
Nothing is going to change over there. I am thankful that I am out. The first two days felt so good, what a relief, but tonight I am just sad.
I actually spent Thanksgiving alone. My family live out of state, I don't know many people here, and the friend I am staying with went to visit his family. But the weird part was it might have been one of the best Thanksgivings I have had in years. It was so peaceful and all I had to worry about was my puppy and what to watch on TV. No stressing about not knowing what is going to happen from one minute to another.
Thanks again everyone. This board and all the people who shared their thoughts were tons of help.
I learned a lot here about how I was enabling her behaviors, and I watch her mother who lives there, and she is on hyperdrive enabling.
Nothing is going to change over there. I am thankful that I am out. The first two days felt so good, what a relief, but tonight I am just sad.
I actually spent Thanksgiving alone. My family live out of state, I don't know many people here, and the friend I am staying with went to visit his family. But the weird part was it might have been one of the best Thanksgivings I have had in years. It was so peaceful and all I had to worry about was my puppy and what to watch on TV. No stressing about not knowing what is going to happen from one minute to another.
Thanks again everyone. This board and all the people who shared their thoughts were tons of help.
Thanks for posting again. It's okay to be sad... Thanksgiving was a bit tough for me but I was able to go to a friend's house. I'm glad you are finding some peace.
-z
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 11
lillamy, doesn't sound preach'n at all. I had another little incident tonight that really opened my eyes about how much I have to do to recover from this. Had nothing to do with the separation but, in light of that event, your message resonated with me.
ZiggyB Thank you.
I think I will be hitting this board from time to time. I seem to learn something about myself each time I visit. I didn't spend much time here the first time I posted, I mean I read a bunch of posts, but then didn't come back for awhile, but boy did it change the way I was looking at things.
I also think writing it down and having someone say yes, that is a legitimate feeling and also having others help you set where the boundaries should be.
Just a big thank you to everyone.
ZiggyB Thank you.
I think I will be hitting this board from time to time. I seem to learn something about myself each time I visit. I didn't spend much time here the first time I posted, I mean I read a bunch of posts, but then didn't come back for awhile, but boy did it change the way I was looking at things.
I also think writing it down and having someone say yes, that is a legitimate feeling and also having others help you set where the boundaries should be.
Just a big thank you to everyone.
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