Depression and alcohol.
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Depression and alcohol.
Does anyone have any experience living with an alcoholic who is also depressed? My husband is very depressed and also alcoholic. I am not sure which came first, I think they both sort of came along "together." He lost a job 4 years ago that he held for 32 years (the place where he worked closed). He was 56 at the time, hasn't found any permanent job since, some seasonal, some temp, but none that are permanent. He was making great money before, now it's down to little or nothing. Long story short, he has not been acting at all like himself for a few years now (though again that could be either alcohol or depression or both). He finally told me a couple months ago that he was depressed (previous to that he would deny it). I was able to get him to the doctor about 3 weeks ago. He is now on Zoloft, 50 mg for now. He has a recheck appointment in 2 weeks. So far, he says he doesn't notice any difference.
When I first started noticing he was drinking too much (in my eyes anyway), he told me "Beer makes me less depressed, it makes me feel better."
I miss his smile, I miss his laugh, I miss his caring words, I miss HIM.
I go to a counselor, husband doesn't come with me though I have asked him too. The counselor said he thinks my husband has "dysthymia," (without actually meeting him, just from what I have told him), a form of depression and that if he does, talk therapy usually helps more than meds for it and a combination of both would be the best thing to do. I just want him to get help and get better if possible, so I am glad he has at least gotten a start (taking the medicine). He walks around so sad looking all day, doesn't even look for work now, pretty much sits out in the garage all day or in front of the TV. It gets hard for me to watch him just waste his days. Most days he says his stomach and/or head hurt. (He just had a ton of blood work done, all was okay--even liver, which I had convinced myself it was.)
Anyway, this could get too long, but basically I am just looking for any insight from others who have dealt with someone going through both issues. I would just like to hear your stories and how you were able to deal with it and/or help him/her.
Thanks to anyone in advance!
When I first started noticing he was drinking too much (in my eyes anyway), he told me "Beer makes me less depressed, it makes me feel better."
I miss his smile, I miss his laugh, I miss his caring words, I miss HIM.
I go to a counselor, husband doesn't come with me though I have asked him too. The counselor said he thinks my husband has "dysthymia," (without actually meeting him, just from what I have told him), a form of depression and that if he does, talk therapy usually helps more than meds for it and a combination of both would be the best thing to do. I just want him to get help and get better if possible, so I am glad he has at least gotten a start (taking the medicine). He walks around so sad looking all day, doesn't even look for work now, pretty much sits out in the garage all day or in front of the TV. It gets hard for me to watch him just waste his days. Most days he says his stomach and/or head hurt. (He just had a ton of blood work done, all was okay--even liver, which I had convinced myself it was.)
Anyway, this could get too long, but basically I am just looking for any insight from others who have dealt with someone going through both issues. I would just like to hear your stories and how you were able to deal with it and/or help him/her.
Thanks to anyone in advance!
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Hi there,
I suffer from depression and anxiety and all I know is when I drink, my symptoms just get worse. Alcohol is a known depressant so I don't know how much the medicine will help him unless he stops drinking. 50mg is not a very large dose so his Dr. might increase it eventually, they usually start at a lower dose to minimize side effects. I know it is fairly common for people (especially men) to self medicate in this way.
My axbf drank when he was depressed after losing his job, and then he just got angry (mostly at me) so at least be grateful yours is not going down that road. I know its difficult.
Hang in there and I hope things get better soon. If you can get him to exercise with you that might help.
I suffer from depression and anxiety and all I know is when I drink, my symptoms just get worse. Alcohol is a known depressant so I don't know how much the medicine will help him unless he stops drinking. 50mg is not a very large dose so his Dr. might increase it eventually, they usually start at a lower dose to minimize side effects. I know it is fairly common for people (especially men) to self medicate in this way.
My axbf drank when he was depressed after losing his job, and then he just got angry (mostly at me) so at least be grateful yours is not going down that road. I know its difficult.
Hang in there and I hope things get better soon. If you can get him to exercise with you that might help.
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Alcohol is a known depressant so I don't know how much the medicine will help him unless he stops drinking.
Drinking when you're depressed is sort of like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it.
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Thanks ZiggyB. My counselor also said the medicine may not work along with my husband's drinking or it could work "some," but then he may end up taking a larger dose than he would need if he weren't drinking, because of the alcohol's effects on the Zoloft. And yes, it is a low dose right now, they will adjust it (possibly) at his follow-up appointment. I have been thinking he is self medicating also.
I would love to have him exercise with me. We live in a beautiful area with lots of great places to walk. Even years ago though he wouldn't go with me, said I walk too fast, LOL. I do walk fast, especially when I am walking for excercise, but I would wait for him if I needed to or walk at his pace (though in my eyes, he walks slow, HA HA). I have tried other exercise ideas out on him too, but he has never participated, but again I love the idea!
Thank you so much for your input.
I would love to have him exercise with me. We live in a beautiful area with lots of great places to walk. Even years ago though he wouldn't go with me, said I walk too fast, LOL. I do walk fast, especially when I am walking for excercise, but I would wait for him if I needed to or walk at his pace (though in my eyes, he walks slow, HA HA). I have tried other exercise ideas out on him too, but he has never participated, but again I love the idea!
Thank you so much for your input.
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[QUOTE=Loughborough;3626463]
I would love to have him exercise with me. We live in a beautiful area with lots of great places to walk. Even years ago though he wouldn't go with me, said I walk too fast, LOL. I do walk fast, especially when I am walking for excercise, but I would wait for him if I needed to or walk at his pace (though in my eyes, he walks slow, HA HA).
Oh that is the sweetest thing to say! That you will wait for him...
You sound like such a beautiful and caring person and I hope things get better for you both. I really do.
I have no real advice as I am the drinker but I have been made redundant and the monotony of being at home can get very very dull when you are used to working.
My dad was also made redundant and he started to go downhill. Not drink but he stopped getting out of bed, getting washed or having a shave.
At first he spent all day baking cup cakes, 100's all over the kitchen, all iced, but then he seemed to be not even bothered doing that.
I would love to have him exercise with me. We live in a beautiful area with lots of great places to walk. Even years ago though he wouldn't go with me, said I walk too fast, LOL. I do walk fast, especially when I am walking for excercise, but I would wait for him if I needed to or walk at his pace (though in my eyes, he walks slow, HA HA).
Oh that is the sweetest thing to say! That you will wait for him...
You sound like such a beautiful and caring person and I hope things get better for you both. I really do.
I have no real advice as I am the drinker but I have been made redundant and the monotony of being at home can get very very dull when you are used to working.
My dad was also made redundant and he started to go downhill. Not drink but he stopped getting out of bed, getting washed or having a shave.
At first he spent all day baking cup cakes, 100's all over the kitchen, all iced, but then he seemed to be not even bothered doing that.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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My AH also suffers from depression and anxiety. His depression and anxiety came first. I was unaware that he had a major depression/anxiety episode while in college. I only found out last year after we had been married for 28 years. If I had known that I would have insisted on treatment throughout our marriage.
Unfortunately, he only began depression treatment about a year ago, but that was AFTER he had become an alcoholic. Unfortunately the alcohol interferes with the depression meds so he can be very emotional with outbursts. He's now in 6 months rehab and not drinking (so he says).
Unfortunately, he only began depression treatment about a year ago, but that was AFTER he had become an alcoholic. Unfortunately the alcohol interferes with the depression meds so he can be very emotional with outbursts. He's now in 6 months rehab and not drinking (so he says).
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I don't know what came first for me, the depression or the alcohol, but I do know that both fuelled the other and it was a very vicious cycle. When I felt horribly depressed, I would drink and feel better, then continue drinking and drinking because I didn't want to stop feeling better... but when I did stop drinking, my depression was so bad that I didn't get out of bed or leave the house for days. This sort of cycle continued for years and it was only when I stopped drinking that I could address my depression and anxiety and begin to feel better.
I personally don't believe that depression can be lifted until alcohol is eradicated. But what I will say, is that once it is, the depression goes very soon after. That's just my personal experience. I hope things for you and your husband improve soon.
I personally don't believe that depression can be lifted until alcohol is eradicated. But what I will say, is that once it is, the depression goes very soon after. That's just my personal experience. I hope things for you and your husband improve soon.
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"Drinking when you're depressed is sort of like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it."
I respectfully disagree. I used to self-medicate my depression with alcohol and cigarettes. Particularly the cigarettes. They helped take away the pain, and at that time, the way I was hurting, that's all I cared about.
Fortunately, I've quit both, and am now treated in a much more healthy, less self-destructive manner.
I respectfully disagree. I used to self-medicate my depression with alcohol and cigarettes. Particularly the cigarettes. They helped take away the pain, and at that time, the way I was hurting, that's all I cared about.
Fortunately, I've quit both, and am now treated in a much more healthy, less self-destructive manner.
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Sasha, Thank you for your post. It helps to know others have been in his shoes and how they dealt with it. You did make me smile picturing your dad in the kitchen surrounded by 100's of cupcakes. Oh and I am not always sweet 
but I try.
BrokenHeartWife. We have been married for 22 years, and I think his depression has actually been around a long time, but in a milder form, at least 10 years from what I can remember, which was when I first started noticing his hygiene issues, which started out with not showering daily (had a very physical job where he came home filthy most days) and have escalated since then. Right now I don't know what day he last showered it has been so long. He used to have emotional outbursts before the drinking got to this point, now he is calmer--strange, but from reading on Sober Recovery, I know that will probably change.
MrsKing, thank you also for your input from someone who is in the same boat. And yes, I think they are each fueling each other. He is drinking to feel better, but then he feels even more down, so he drinks more. It is so promising to know that once he stops drinking (IF), the depression should lessen also.
Kudzujean, my husband smokes, too. He is not smoking as much as he used to, but yes, he says he "needs" his cigarettes, they help him feel better. If he runs out of cigarettes or even gets low, he gets very antsy. I think the cig and the beer together take away his pain (or so he thinks). Last night was so sad. He just sat in a chair watching TV, sighing, moaning, he looked awful. He said his stomach felt sick. His head hurt. I ask him if there is anything he wants to tell me, he says nothing. Can I do anything for you? No. Have I done something? No. I said he should go to the doctor again soon (and not wait for his upcoming appointment). He said, "It's only about 2 weeks away." But I told him 2 weeks is a long time when you don't feel weel.
I hope I didn't miss anyone. I love the support I feel here!
but I try. BrokenHeartWife. We have been married for 22 years, and I think his depression has actually been around a long time, but in a milder form, at least 10 years from what I can remember, which was when I first started noticing his hygiene issues, which started out with not showering daily (had a very physical job where he came home filthy most days) and have escalated since then. Right now I don't know what day he last showered it has been so long. He used to have emotional outbursts before the drinking got to this point, now he is calmer--strange, but from reading on Sober Recovery, I know that will probably change.
MrsKing, thank you also for your input from someone who is in the same boat. And yes, I think they are each fueling each other. He is drinking to feel better, but then he feels even more down, so he drinks more. It is so promising to know that once he stops drinking (IF), the depression should lessen also.
Kudzujean, my husband smokes, too. He is not smoking as much as he used to, but yes, he says he "needs" his cigarettes, they help him feel better. If he runs out of cigarettes or even gets low, he gets very antsy. I think the cig and the beer together take away his pain (or so he thinks). Last night was so sad. He just sat in a chair watching TV, sighing, moaning, he looked awful. He said his stomach felt sick. His head hurt. I ask him if there is anything he wants to tell me, he says nothing. Can I do anything for you? No. Have I done something? No. I said he should go to the doctor again soon (and not wait for his upcoming appointment). He said, "It's only about 2 weeks away." But I told him 2 weeks is a long time when you don't feel weel.
I hope I didn't miss anyone. I love the support I feel here!
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Yes, my husband was in the same boat. He was on Prozac for about 7 years prior to detox, where they told him that given the amount he was drinking, the Prozac was completely ineffective.
Which came first? It's hard to know. When I first met my husband, he was a heavy drinker, but a binge drinker. We were in college (in law school) and that was a kind of norm. He also had depression issues...since he already was drinking then, and I'm not qualified to make that type of assessment, it's hard for me to know which started the other. However, given things that have come up since he went to detox and rehab, I suspect he has always had a depression issue since there was discussion of suicide attempts while he was in high school, when he was not drinking, and that he started drinking to self medicate some of the "darkness" of his life away.
He's a much darker personality than I am.
However, it's important for whomever is prescribing his medication to know he's an alcoholic. My husband swore up and down his general practitioner knew. But she then prescribed him Xanax for anxiety as well. I'm fairly sure she didn't know the whole story. Plus, I have my doubts about being treated for a mental illness/depression issue by a general practitioner, particularly because her "follow up" only consisted of asking him if the medication was helping. Of course it was - the Xanax was allowing him to work without withdrawal symptoms.
Which came first? It's hard to know. When I first met my husband, he was a heavy drinker, but a binge drinker. We were in college (in law school) and that was a kind of norm. He also had depression issues...since he already was drinking then, and I'm not qualified to make that type of assessment, it's hard for me to know which started the other. However, given things that have come up since he went to detox and rehab, I suspect he has always had a depression issue since there was discussion of suicide attempts while he was in high school, when he was not drinking, and that he started drinking to self medicate some of the "darkness" of his life away.
He's a much darker personality than I am.
However, it's important for whomever is prescribing his medication to know he's an alcoholic. My husband swore up and down his general practitioner knew. But she then prescribed him Xanax for anxiety as well. I'm fairly sure she didn't know the whole story. Plus, I have my doubts about being treated for a mental illness/depression issue by a general practitioner, particularly because her "follow up" only consisted of asking him if the medication was helping. Of course it was - the Xanax was allowing him to work without withdrawal symptoms.
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Originally Posted by kudzujean 
"Drinking when you're depressed is sort of like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it."
I respectfully disagree. I used to self-medicate my depression with alcohol and cigarettes. Particularly the cigarettes. They helped take away the pain, and at that time, the way I was hurting, that's all I cared about.
Fortunately, I've quit both, and am now treated in a much more healthy, less self-destructive manner.
I respectfully disagree. I used to self-medicate my depression with alcohol and cigarettes. Particularly the cigarettes. They helped take away the pain, and at that time, the way I was hurting, that's all I cared about.
Fortunately, I've quit both, and am now treated in a much more healthy, less self-destructive manner.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Just my experience- my husband sounded just like yours- depressed,
Drinking and smoking every day to ease his depression, stopped showering regularly etc,
Finally persuaded him to go for treatment for alcohol and depression-
Only for the rehab to only diagnose alcoholism - no depression.
Since being sober for the past 6 months his mood has improved greatly! He will never be a happy go lucky guy, but he now joins in with the family-
I hope for his sake, and yours, that he gets the help he needs- and my thoughts with you on this lonely journey
Drinking and smoking every day to ease his depression, stopped showering regularly etc,
Finally persuaded him to go for treatment for alcohol and depression-
Only for the rehab to only diagnose alcoholism - no depression.
Since being sober for the past 6 months his mood has improved greatly! He will never be a happy go lucky guy, but he now joins in with the family-
I hope for his sake, and yours, that he gets the help he needs- and my thoughts with you on this lonely journey
We all deserve respect & love
Join Date: Oct 2012
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Yes. I lived with it for over a decade & it is horrible to deal with. You end up sometimes feeling depressed with them because it is a bit contagious to be around so much negative energy all the time. I think what a lot of us codies experience is 'compassion fatigue'.
With my XABF (age 46), he's stuck on his cycle of self medication which leads up deeper down the depressive spiral. He tries to numb his depression by drinking. When he's sober, feels bad about that & drinks more. Continuing his own self destruction. I could no longer watch it or be the collateral damage. I only wish that it didn't take me over a decade to reach my own bottom in that relationship. Trauma bonding is a PIA!
With my XABF (age 46), he's stuck on his cycle of self medication which leads up deeper down the depressive spiral. He tries to numb his depression by drinking. When he's sober, feels bad about that & drinks more. Continuing his own self destruction. I could no longer watch it or be the collateral damage. I only wish that it didn't take me over a decade to reach my own bottom in that relationship. Trauma bonding is a PIA!
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