FreckleFace

Hey, so I went to my 2nd al anon meeting and I'm kind of upset. I know they say to go to atleast 6 meetings but I don't even feel like trying anymore. Every al anon meeting I have went to has a lot of older folks and I can't relate to any of them. I am 20 years old and I am kind of bummed because I want to talk about how I am feeling. Maybe its because I went to a 12 noon meeting and only 8 people showed up. But how different could the night meetings be? Another thing is since I'm a beginner its a lot harder to grasp on what people are saying. They talk and relate to the prayers and steps and say how the meetings work for them but it has yet to work for me. I'm not quite sure what to do anymore =/

SparkleKitty

Two meetings doesn't sound like enough to formulate a solid perspective. Can you try a different meeting?

Remember that wherever you go, everyone is there for roughly the same reasons. You may feel like an outsider because you are younger, or newer to the process, but you do belong there, and no one there thinks you don't.

lillamy

Try different meetings. Really. My meetings have a mix of ages, races, sexual orientations, demographics, and religions. Homeless people and executives. 75-year-olds and 18-year-olds. I think the breakthrough tends to come when you realize that you do have things in common, beyond the differences. And you will feel out of the loop to begin with -- that's OK. Keep trying.

lizatola

I agree, keep trying. I am 42, but still one of the youngest in the rooms but I have come to love these folks and look forward to hearing their wisdom. Many of them have 20 plus years in the program and I learn so much from their shares.

I have been to at least 3 meetings where I just didn't 'feel' like I fit in, but I would still go to them if I desperately needed a meeting because I understand that I need the support from ANYBODY who's been there, done that or is currently there and doing it, LOL.

dollydo

I would either try a different location or stick it out where you are for at least six meetings.

You may learn something from the "old timers", with age, comes wisdom.

EnglishGarden

There are meetings that don't work for me, as well. But I kept looking until I found one that did. It's in a college part of town and there's a good mix of ages.

You might also try Codependents Anonymous. In Union, there is a 7:30 meeting in the St. Augustine Rectory (according to the website: CoDA.org.) These meetings generally trend younger.

Getting out of our houses and our heads and sitting in a room of people serious about getting well is a good way to take personal responsibility for changing our lives.

I hope you find a good meeting soon!

Titanic

If you don't understand some phrase or thing, ask them to please clarify those for you as you are a newcomer. Trust me, they'll be more than happy to explain. If they happen to say (rudely or not), don't interrupt then you can respons that you won't as long as people try to explain those things as they go. Or get there before the meeting and talk about that to the Chari and ask that he or she address that at the beginning of the meeting.

As for age, would you rather hear from people who have had years of experience across generations with different kinds of alcoholics and addicts and substances, or would you rather have a newcomer in your age group that may just tell you "I'm new too, I don't get it yet either." That's reality. If you want people your age just to hang with, you know where to find them. But if you want Experience, Strength and Hope, stick with the winners - those that have been working their program long and hard. And that may be a 26 year old who grew up with alcoholics and some addicts from birth or a 70 year old who's been in the program for a couple of years only because her husband just started drinking a lot since he retired.

Peace.

fluffyflea

But you've only been to two meetings. You need to go and sit and listen for awhile. Whether the people are young or old they can relate to what you are feeling, don;t worry. And 8 people is a good crowd, it only takes 2 people to have a meeting.

mfanch

I had the same experience. I got a sponsor and she told me to seek the similarities, not the differences. We are all there for the same thing.

I jumped in with both feet and am so glad that I did!!

BobbyJ

Sometimes, you just need to blow the whistle and say "WHOA..I dont understand, could someone please explain this to me".....I had to do that too, it worked!

Learn2Live

Try some of the Friday and Saturday night meetings.

Itchy

Hey freckle,
I know the feeling but during my first, and so far last meeting, it was very politely suggested that I might find better support at another meeting. I am a recovered alcoholic and perhaps should have kept that part to myself. I was looking for others who pulled themselves out of their own acoholism and found how to keep their marriage going with an active alcoholic and alternatives. You have lot more in common with the groups than I do. A majority seem to be abused women by guys. Notice above about how tough girls scare away guys but if a guy said the same it would be a threat?

Here's the deal. I need support face to face as well as here. I have an appointment with our marriage counselor tomorrow, likely the last one, as my AW took off today. Soooooo, I am going to go to every alanon meeting here and find one that fits, and at least get some support locally.

The thing you have to do is realize that you are hurting terribly, and been made to feel at fault, when you aren't dear. So you are thinking too fast and can't hold a thought long enough to know or trust your own thinking. I finally got my AW to attend marriage counseling. She left today and got a room somewhere, now running away from facing her issues.

All that to let you know that even folks married 40 years can go through the same things you have. And like me feel very much like you do. I won't drink, no chance of that.

Why don't you try a few more meetings like I am going to do. I think of it like a race. No matter how much faster or better I ran, if I stop trying one inch from the finish line I lose the same as by a mile. You don't want instant pain relief. That's what I used to do, and it never works to medicate it away, for a brief respite. The anxiety only comes back stronger until we work through some of the grief and pain. I would love to save our relationship, but her drinking is making that seem one of the things I cannot change. I am looking for the wisdom where I can find it. Alanon may have it for both of us. If we don't go, we'll never know.

Let's both give it another try. And those old people? I might be one, and you might help me. I hope you do.