Difference between Self-Centeredness and Narcissm??
Dear Earthworm, yes, self-centerdness is a large feature of narcissism. As I understand it, the basic root of narcissism (the personality disorder) is the inability to understand how one's actions affect others---the lack of ability to have empathy for others.
We are all a bit narcissistic at times, and it is normal in the developing child and adolescent.
An excellent book that I am just now reading is: "The World of OZ and other Narcissists--coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family" by Eleanor D. Payson, M.S.W. The best I have read on the subject. You can get it on Amazon.com.
dandylion
We are all a bit narcissistic at times, and it is normal in the developing child and adolescent.
An excellent book that I am just now reading is: "The World of OZ and other Narcissists--coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family" by Eleanor D. Payson, M.S.W. The best I have read on the subject. You can get it on Amazon.com.
dandylion
To thine own self be true.
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"Narcissism" is a character trait. It is extreme selfishness. We are all narcissistic to a degree. Think of a toddler and work your way up in age from there. Teenagers are known to be quite narcissistic. IME, alcoholics and addicts are rather narcissistic. Then there is Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is a clinical diagnosis.
To thine own self be true.
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A "self-centered" person IS narcissistic. The question is the degree of narcissism. I think the more narcissistic a person is, the less they care how much their behavior hurts other people. An XBF of mine from long ago kept doing the same hurtful things over and over and kept apologizing for it over and over. And I kept hurtin and crying each time, waiting for something to change. Wishing he would just SEE and UNDERSTAND how much it hurt me. Holding on for dear life. He knew how much it hurt me, he just didn't care. I can almost say the same for the other two A&A XBFs I've had but I never gave them the chance to actually see how hurt I was; I went No Contact immediately. Even if I had, though, I doubt they would have seen OR cared. They are so self-absorbed when they are doing that hurtful stuff that I doubt they see anything but what they are focused on.
To thine own self be true.
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IMO, it's because they are con-artists. They cry their crocodile tears, talk about guilt they don't feel, promise never to do it again, and then rush out the next day and do it all over again.
You should Google George Simon, PhD and read up on his expert advice about dealing with character disordered folks. I started with his list of manipulation tactics, then moved onto his book, "In Sheep's Clothing," and also read his book, "Character Disturbance." It REALLY put AXBF's behavior into perspective! Dr. Simon also has produced some short videos you can see on YouTube that explain the basics behind his work. He's my hero. Honestly.
You should Google George Simon, PhD and read up on his expert advice about dealing with character disordered folks. I started with his list of manipulation tactics, then moved onto his book, "In Sheep's Clothing," and also read his book, "Character Disturbance." It REALLY put AXBF's behavior into perspective! Dr. Simon also has produced some short videos you can see on YouTube that explain the basics behind his work. He's my hero. Honestly.
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Learn2Live, I love George Simon. He had a whole series of articles on this website here:
The Secrets of Personal Empowerment
on character disorders. I went out with some people who seemed pretty disturbed and those articles and his book helped me detach.
The Secrets of Personal Empowerment
on character disorders. I went out with some people who seemed pretty disturbed and those articles and his book helped me detach.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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Yes! The one Secret I have been using every day is focusing on where I have Power: The Power to Act. It's like the next step after the Serenity Prayer for me.
And yes, my plan is to keep reading the descriptions of Manipulation Tactics so I can learn how to better identify them, just as Dr. Simon recommends.
Nice to find someone who also is a Dr. Simon follower. Thanks regeneration
And yes, my plan is to keep reading the descriptions of Manipulation Tactics so I can learn how to better identify them, just as Dr. Simon recommends.
Nice to find someone who also is a Dr. Simon follower. Thanks regeneration
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Yes the power to act. Instead of freezing like a little kid, ACT!
I was reading something recently about FREEZING when caught in a situation with an abusive person. ACOA,s (just speaking for myself) just freeze. I see it in me so much now.
I was reading something recently about FREEZING when caught in a situation with an abusive person. ACOA,s (just speaking for myself) just freeze. I see it in me so much now.
To thine own self be true.
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Yes, control. I never realized the alcoholic is also trying to control until someone who is an alcoholic posted about it here on F&F some months back. Sounds weird but I truly had no concept before then that the alcoholic did this also; I thought it was just me. Then, coincidentally?? I read Dr. Simon's info on covert aggression and it all began to make sense! No doubt in my mind, AXBF if a covert aggressive and used his tactics on me to get what he wanted, nevermind ANYTHING I said I wanted or preferred. And I played the role of Doormat perfectly! And I also fell into the role of Codependent very well too! When will I ever learn?!?!?
Here's where I posted the tactics:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ipulation.html
Here's where I posted the tactics:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ipulation.html
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I tell ya though, once I read Dr Simon's books, especially the second one, I felt SMART! I felt like this black veil had been lifted and I could finally see what had happened to me!! I am so grateful for Dr Simon and all the work he has done with these people.
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