So much of a burden to those would don't deserve it
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 448
So much of a burden to those would don't deserve it
I have a sister that is injuring herself and probably most likely slowly killing herself with alcohol. I understand the disbelief and later the horror of what someone you love so much is doing to themselves...and feeling so helpless to do anything about it.
My whole family was in denial about it for many years - that's just her, getting silly drunk at party atmospheres' over the years. She was fun and funny. It's not like that now, hasn't been for many years. Her car always reeks of booze yet she doesn't drink and drive - it's because it comes out her pores. I have refused to get in the car with her until mid-afternoon because I swear she is still drunk from the night before. By noon her hands are shaking so bad she can't function. She sneaks drinks and by 1 or 2 pm she's had enough that she just pours herself a glass of wine - she's already half drunk and has stopped caring what anyone one else might think.
I think she thinks it's acceptable because she only drinks wine (beer only when camping - like that makes a difference?)And later in the evening rye and coke and pretends it's just pop. Then she's too drunk to care at all. She has a husband and they are well-off as well as the fact that he is also an alcoholic, just not as bad as my sister.
She has had broken ribs, broken wrists, a bad dog bite, numerous bumps and bruises especially on her legs where she falls. She's now a 47 year old sloppy drunk. I can barely tolerate her and the longer this goes on the more no one wants to be around her any more.
She used to phone me in the evening, very drunk, babble about God knows what and then just disappear! Passed out on the floor I guess. Then she would call me the next day and ask if she had called me! Now when she phones I say "Hi" and hang up. She won't remember she called me.
My biggest fear is she will pass out and drown in her hot-tub. She weighs about all of 97 pounds and looks sick. She has been an active alcoholic for 30 years.
Right now we are all just refusing to enable her (won't go to her house, won't travel with her, some of my relatives won't allow her in their houses because they have small children.) She must "get it" she's not stupid. She has lost all of her friends because she's too hard to deal with and only has other alcoholics that she can befriend, then lose because it's not them she cares about, it's who will drink with her!
She'll get help when she wants help, I guess. She'll hit rock bottom and either get in treatment or die. It's up to her. None of us (Mom, sisters etc) can control what she does or doesn't do, we can only control how we let her behavior and lifestyle affect us. It's taken a long road to fully understand just how hard it is to let go. Then to learn to live a happy life without her (as much as possible). When she is ready for help we'll be there for her. She knows this but since she doesn't think she has a problem (or at least, admit it) she just thinks we're all 'mean to her'. We just have to accept her thinking, even though it's wrong, until SHE decides what she needs.
When she had the dog bite she had IV antibiotics and when they did blood work on her she had to have IV vitamins. Her body isn't accepting nutrition anymore!
The latest news (My Mom still talks to her but only in the morning and if she's even one speck rude to her, she hangs up.) She has been told by everyone that knows her, except her other alcoholic friends, not to call anyone after 4pm. She babbles and is just ridiculous. But she can be so very mean and rude in the morning because I'm sure she has a daily hangover.
She now has a non-working thyroid and has to take daily pills. The type of thyroid she has is the one that should make you gain weight. Not her, she is so skinny as to look anorexic. All her falling and injuries have caused her to have
Her son, my nephew, just turned 18. He has had a severe head injury as a child and has had seizures, as well as the fact he has a bit of a tough time getting the right word out and fumbles with speech and thought process. My Mom phoned on his birthday and they were all drunk! They had taken him out to get drunk for his 18th birthday!! OMG! I want to wring her neck sometimes. He's 18only chronologically, he has 2 more school years left with a special one-on-one Aide. The last thing this boy needs is to kill more brain cells with alcohol! Now he is drinking either with them or waiting till his Mom passes out and drinking in his bedroom, nearly every night. This is the same boy that asked his friend to ask me if we could do an intervention on her - he was 15. He and his friend (another 15 year old boy) had to break into the bathroom and pull her passed out body off the toilet and carry her to bed, more than once.
This is what he's seen his entire life.
I know I probably really don't mean this but I wish something would happen, something bad, that would shock them all back into reality. I feel horrible thinking it but I can't think of anything else that might work. She doesn't seem to care that she has lost her whole family, on both sides.
Needed to rant, Thanks....Ruby...
My whole family was in denial about it for many years - that's just her, getting silly drunk at party atmospheres' over the years. She was fun and funny. It's not like that now, hasn't been for many years. Her car always reeks of booze yet she doesn't drink and drive - it's because it comes out her pores. I have refused to get in the car with her until mid-afternoon because I swear she is still drunk from the night before. By noon her hands are shaking so bad she can't function. She sneaks drinks and by 1 or 2 pm she's had enough that she just pours herself a glass of wine - she's already half drunk and has stopped caring what anyone one else might think.
I think she thinks it's acceptable because she only drinks wine (beer only when camping - like that makes a difference?)And later in the evening rye and coke and pretends it's just pop. Then she's too drunk to care at all. She has a husband and they are well-off as well as the fact that he is also an alcoholic, just not as bad as my sister.
She has had broken ribs, broken wrists, a bad dog bite, numerous bumps and bruises especially on her legs where she falls. She's now a 47 year old sloppy drunk. I can barely tolerate her and the longer this goes on the more no one wants to be around her any more.
She used to phone me in the evening, very drunk, babble about God knows what and then just disappear! Passed out on the floor I guess. Then she would call me the next day and ask if she had called me! Now when she phones I say "Hi" and hang up. She won't remember she called me.
My biggest fear is she will pass out and drown in her hot-tub. She weighs about all of 97 pounds and looks sick. She has been an active alcoholic for 30 years.
Right now we are all just refusing to enable her (won't go to her house, won't travel with her, some of my relatives won't allow her in their houses because they have small children.) She must "get it" she's not stupid. She has lost all of her friends because she's too hard to deal with and only has other alcoholics that she can befriend, then lose because it's not them she cares about, it's who will drink with her!
She'll get help when she wants help, I guess. She'll hit rock bottom and either get in treatment or die. It's up to her. None of us (Mom, sisters etc) can control what she does or doesn't do, we can only control how we let her behavior and lifestyle affect us. It's taken a long road to fully understand just how hard it is to let go. Then to learn to live a happy life without her (as much as possible). When she is ready for help we'll be there for her. She knows this but since she doesn't think she has a problem (or at least, admit it) she just thinks we're all 'mean to her'. We just have to accept her thinking, even though it's wrong, until SHE decides what she needs.
When she had the dog bite she had IV antibiotics and when they did blood work on her she had to have IV vitamins. Her body isn't accepting nutrition anymore!
The latest news (My Mom still talks to her but only in the morning and if she's even one speck rude to her, she hangs up.) She has been told by everyone that knows her, except her other alcoholic friends, not to call anyone after 4pm. She babbles and is just ridiculous. But she can be so very mean and rude in the morning because I'm sure she has a daily hangover.
She now has a non-working thyroid and has to take daily pills. The type of thyroid she has is the one that should make you gain weight. Not her, she is so skinny as to look anorexic. All her falling and injuries have caused her to have
Her son, my nephew, just turned 18. He has had a severe head injury as a child and has had seizures, as well as the fact he has a bit of a tough time getting the right word out and fumbles with speech and thought process. My Mom phoned on his birthday and they were all drunk! They had taken him out to get drunk for his 18th birthday!! OMG! I want to wring her neck sometimes. He's 18only chronologically, he has 2 more school years left with a special one-on-one Aide. The last thing this boy needs is to kill more brain cells with alcohol! Now he is drinking either with them or waiting till his Mom passes out and drinking in his bedroom, nearly every night. This is the same boy that asked his friend to ask me if we could do an intervention on her - he was 15. He and his friend (another 15 year old boy) had to break into the bathroom and pull her passed out body off the toilet and carry her to bed, more than once.
This is what he's seen his entire life.
I know I probably really don't mean this but I wish something would happen, something bad, that would shock them all back into reality. I feel horrible thinking it but I can't think of anything else that might work. She doesn't seem to care that she has lost her whole family, on both sides.
Needed to rant, Thanks....Ruby...
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
What a stupefying, sorry and sad sickness she has suffered and spewed out. 
This is why we say that family members, especially the closest ones, are the most affected.
When she calls, consider "Hi, I love you, but I will not talk to the alcohol."
Peace & detachment with love be with you.
This is why we say that family members, especially the closest ones, are the most affected.When she calls, consider "Hi, I love you, but I will not talk to the alcohol."
Peace & detachment with love be with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I have a dear friend in a similar place in life. She about shut down her liver last fall. She's lost her son, her jobs, her home, her looks, and her dignity. I don't know about other alcoholics, but trust me, she knows what she is doing. She just believes she is powerless to stop.
Some days, its all I can do not to bundle her up and take her home with me so I can codie her to death. It breaks my heart to watch her fail, and she is failing over and over again.
I feel your pain. Hang in there,
~T
Some days, its all I can do not to bundle her up and take her home with me so I can codie her to death. It breaks my heart to watch her fail, and she is failing over and over again.
I feel your pain. Hang in there,
~T
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
RubyRose, I am so so very sorry for the grief and unhappiness you are suffering because of your sister's plight.
You seem very clear about what is happening; I am sure it took many hours of soul searching for you and your family to come to the level of honest detachment that you have.
On this forum, they say, "nothing changes if nothing changes" and you are right, no one can change her.
My prayers are with you and your family and your sister.
BothSidesNow
You seem very clear about what is happening; I am sure it took many hours of soul searching for you and your family to come to the level of honest detachment that you have.
On this forum, they say, "nothing changes if nothing changes" and you are right, no one can change her.
My prayers are with you and your family and your sister.
BothSidesNow
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