meganw1972

I could use some advice.

The last six months have been hell for me. Was supposed to get married in May to my recovering alcoholic fiance who relapsed. We wound up breaking up, and he started to harrass me and my family by phone, text, email, mail, etc. Then he started to threaten to kill me which was terrifying. I tried to get a restraining order and for 3 months, he kept getting continuances and told me he wouldn't make it easy for me (in my county, he can get all the continuances he wants), and I kept losing days of work. This is still going on, in that now he has hired a lawyer to fight this.

this has been enough, actually really awful. What has made it this much worse, is that my best friend of 20 yrs, who I turned to for support (I tried to burden her too much with this) really let me down. She would say things like "He only said he would probably kill you, I don't think he will do anything." She also, when he threatened my job (I'm a doc) in telling my boss that I had prescribed meds for him (which I never did), said "Why are you prescribing addictive meds for him, when you know he is an addict?" he never even said that, and she should know know I would never do anything like that.

Finally, I asked to talk to her about all the stuff she was saying, and she got really pissed and cut me off without a word for 2 wks. Nothing like that has ever happened to us before. Finally we met and she said that she has been depressed lately, and couldn't handle what I was going through, but then also kept blaming me. She said my anger towards her made her angry towards me and brought back all of these issues she had "let go of before." She said that we can only be friends if I wasn't angry towards her and we didn't talk about what happened. She also kept blaming me, saying I hadn't been there for her in 3 yrs (however all this stuff she said I wasn't there for her for, she had never told me about). She kept saying the friendship didn't matter to her, which just go to me until finally I said it made no sense to talk at that time and I got up and left.

I haven't heard from her in 2.5 months, my best friend, despite my offering to go out to make peace. Finally she emailed me, saying that she doesn't want to get together because whenever she thinks about our last conversation she feels sick and she is afraid, but "maybe" we could talk by phone.

It made me so mad. I would love to have my old best friend back, but her betrayal really angers me, and what she did is now inexorably mixed together with what happened with him.

Any advice?

CentralOhioDad

Is she possibly involved with your ex?

That could explain the beahviour..

Tuffgirl

Well, she isn't your old best friend, anymore, is she? She is who she is today. She has made it clear she isn't going to change her perspective. She has her own issues. Is this really someone you'd want as a friend, especially right now?

marie1960

Relationships, friendships share a common denominator, as humans we all evolve, and grow. Sometimes we simply outgrow a friendship. We no longer have the "common ground" connection. It happens and it hurts.

But I cannot help wonder..........
Is this best friend in contact with your ex?

I would take a step back and allow her to move on. Sounds like something else is going on with her, and she is choosing not to share at this time. Maybe in time it will come back around . Maybe not. Only time will tell.

Best to focus on what you do have control over,....... yourself.

changeschoices

Sometimes when we get stronger, we put up boundaries with people without even realizing it. And they don't like it. Maybe that's what happened with your friend. Maybe you are coming across as a stronger person now and she feels it and wants you back in your old role. But, I don't know what your relationship with her was like before. Tell us more?