aroundtheblock

I'm new, this is my first post. I was married to a sex addict for 13 years before I realized he was out doing his thing (and everyone else's). Then a counselor told me to join COSA; it opened my eyes to codependency and I stayed in the group for 5 years, the last 3 giving back. Left him when my son was ready to start college on the west coast and it was wonderful having my own life. Fast forward a few years: met the best guy and after living with him for 2 years we got married...and was truly happy for another 8 years. Guess what? He is an alcoholic. He was very functional until his business got hit by the recession. I think he lost his mind; he was depressed and suicidal. Last year was hell year, in the hospital 4 times (two tries to die, then in the mental ward twice) and now the doc says he is bi polar depressive. He went on to have both knees replaced and a turp (prostate) surgery that left him with ED. He also has ankylosing spondylitis (hunchback's disease) giving him chronic back pain that he treats with oxicontin. He had that diagnosed at 11 years old and held off on heavy pain meds until about 5 years ago, now is 61.
We are retired, he is on disability. He never goes to bars or out to drink, he sits at home; doesn't get angry or mean, doesn't black out. He was a wine collector for over 30 years and has now lost all the "buddies" he had with that. We are working on selling the wine as we need the money. He keeps saying AA (went to about 10 meetings) is not for him and I have been to Alanon groups....same as COSA years ago. I am caught in the hope that he actually will stop drinking but from what I read here it sounds impossible! I have never shielded him from ANY consequences of his drinking and have many friends and a pretty happy life. This forum seems to have many great readers with lots of different backrounds and I'm glad I found it. I feel like a deer in the headlights.

DesertEyes

Hello aroundtheblock, and welcome to SoberRecovery

I moved your post over here so it would not get lost among all the activity. It can get very busy here. The "regulars" will be here shortly to give you a proper welcome.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Zoenob

Welcome Aroundtheblock. This site has helped me so much. It takes a lot of courage to open up and post your first post. Welcome and hugs to you!

SoBroken

Welcome Around! So glad u found us. U r in good company. So sorry for what u r going thru. Alcoholism is an ugly desease. living with an A is utterly exhausting..draining..sad..unhealthy...it will suck the very life out of u if u let it. thats the trick i guess-to not let it. Easier said then done. Please focus your energy on taking care of yourself. there's lots n lots of good info here. And keep posting....keep reading...it helps. For what its worth, you are NOT alone. Hugs to you.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.

The alcoholism is not helping his depression. Alcohol is a depressant. Was he honest with his healthcare provider about his drinking?

I suffered with depression for years. I was also an active alcoholic. I tried mixing my meds with my alcohol consumption. Not a good idea! That's why there is a warning label on those types of meds.

I sought recovery for my alcoholism, and then I was able to effectively deal with depression.

However, it is up to your husband to handle his medical/mental/spiritual needs. His choices contributed to his condition,and it will be up to him to make any lasting changes.

Please stick around. Keep reading and posting. We care about you.

dollydo

Pull up a chair, make your comfortable, lot of great support here.

My friends husband always drank, but in moderation. He retired three years ago and was bored, couldn't figure out to do with himself and his life. He began drinking more heavily, she didn't know what to do with him, all he did was sit around and drink all day. Sounded like he needed a job to me, she convinced him, he now works part time delivering auto parts, loves it...dropped the bottle, goes to AA meetings and is his old self again.

I am sorry, sounds like you have a real mess on your hands.

Keep reading, keep posting, it will help!

scopikaz

Nice post. Sorry for your situation. I'm relatively new here too - and I'm just in the beginning stages of a friendship/relationship with an alcoholic who has a history of being in relationships with abusive men. I keep asking why I'm even talking to her still, but I am. I can't imagine being married with someone in that state. I wish you the best.

fourmaggie

Welcome to the group!....keep reading(and al anon literature) and posting

3cs
you did not create/cause it
you can not control it
and there is no cure

prayers to you

Titanic

Wow! You have a lot going on ... and there are a lot of headlights here on SR ... just gotta hop in the cars & trucks to take advantage of them!

Thumper

Hello and welcome! I'm glad you found SR for some support through this. It is difficult. I found the stickies at the top of the forum to be so full of wisdom, information, and support.

05084

Hello, glad you found SR, Im new as well, and its been a LIFESAVER! I dont know what i would have done if I hadnt found this site. It has givin me encouragment, strength, and much much more, I hope these "regulars" know how much they have changed my life for the better! Jen

lizatola

Welcome to the board! When you opened up writing about being married to a sex addict, I immediately thought of my sister whom is currently separated from her sex addict husband and then you mentioned you remarried an alcoholic and I then thought of myself. I'm sorry you are going through all this, sounds like you have a lot on your plate but you sound strong and confident in how you're handling things.

There is a lot to read here and it's a very active board. I would start by reading the stickies at the top of the page and I know you can search for specific topics, as well. Make yourself at home!

Tuffgirl

Welcome, aroundtheblock. Your plate is very full right now, prayers for some peace today.

Keep coming back, and keep reading. So much good information here.
~T

aroundtheblock

Thanks to all who have taken the time to write something to me, I feel like I have a room full of protectors and supporters.
It is HIS problem and I have to keep reminding myself not to get emotionally involved when he is high (hard not to show my disappointment). And I get scared when he drinks because it stops his meds from working and he may try to kill himself again. The question is: do I watch him leave when I know he will get high, maybe harm himself or even worse drive drunk and hurt others? He has a "tell" just like a poor poker player, and he acts a certain way when he intends to drink. Usually I just go about my business as I am not God, only in control of me. But last week he did try to cut himself again....but came home 4 hours later very apologetic and contrite. I did not even call him to see where he was and that was VERY hard.

aroundtheblock

Duh...where or what are the stickies?

Titanic

Good going!!! Keep the oxygen mask on you. He's not ready to put his on, and he certainly won't take to yours!

Pelican

When you log onto the SR forum, you scroll down to the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section. When that page first opens, it displays approx 14 permanent threads followed by the active threads like this one. Each of the permanent threads is marked with a padlock symbol in the column on the left ~ those are the sticky posts, a.k.a Stickies.

Keep coming back, we care about you!