4MyBoys

Let me introduce myself. I have been lurking the board since I left my husband about a year ago. He and I had been together for 17 years married for 13.

My husband is a police officer. He moved work citys about 9 years ago. He is now working in one of the most violent cities in the country. Since being there he has been involved in two shooting where he had to kill a criminal. He is exposed to things worse than that on an almost daily basis. I really believe that this type of line of work was the trigger for him. We used to drink socially at the beginning of our marriage but over the last 10 years it has really spiraled out of control for him.

When I left he had admitted to me that he was not just drinking the beer and jack daniels at night (and all day on his days off) but was drinking in the mornings also. ( I keep telling myself that it was just on his days off) He also became increasingly verbally abusive and was starting to get a little physical.

We are currently going through a really ugly divorce. It has been awful having to air out all the ugly things that have been going on. I have been an amazing actress for so long that really no one even knew what was going on. Police wives just don't talk about these things.

I finally wrote this post because I just heard about the best program. SOS West Coast Trama Retreat. It is only once a year for wives of First Responders, Police, Fire or Correction Guards etc. You can go to a week long intensive retreat to work with councilors and others going through the issues that come with being married to a First Responder that has issues such as PTSD or your spouse turning to alcohol or drugs or just bringing the ugliness home and ruining the family. The best part is that it is free!!!!! I cannot wait! It is not until January but I already feel so much better know that I will get to go one day.

I really recommend looking into it if you are married to a First Responder and live in California or Massachusets where the program is located.

4MyBoys

Milly39

Good for you 4myboys.
I hope it all works out for you and that you get great benefit from it - bonus that it free too.
Wishing you and your boys all the best
M.

akalacha

That sounds like an excellent program and I'm glad you're taking advantage of it. So what if it's five months away, it gives you something to look forward to! Wishing you and your boys all the best. Please keep reading & posting.

wanttobehealthy

That does sound like an amazing program! Let us know how it is. As for acting... I know all too well how hard it is when you've acted & put on a fake act for years & then start speaking the truth. I've lost several "friends" who just simply didn't believe me & actually then turned w sympathy to Xah bc they couldn't believe how I was " vilifying" him. By that I mean I turned to friends for emotional support & the truth I guess was too hard to believe.

You sound brave & strong & your boys are lucky to have you

4MyBoys

WTBH-

Thank you for the kind words. It has been extra hard because as a police officers wife you get used to having so many of his work related things that you cant talk to anyone about and then it seems like the personal problems just fall in line.

I was amazed how many friends of mine who are also married to officers came to me with almost identical stories. Support at first but then everyone who I thought were friends just fell away when I did not go back because they are married to his co-workers. I understand but it still hurts.

The hardest for me has been that my best friend for years was my husbands older sister. She lives out of state but I told her more than everyone, even more than my own sisters. Like I knew would happen, our relationship ended when I decided not to go back. That has hurt more than anything else.....

Best of luck to everyone out there, I know just how hard it is to put on the brave face and keep going.