resata

My mom was a drug addict for most of my childhood. Once I turned 18 I moved out of her house. Our relationship after that was up and down. I wanted a heartfelt apology and all she wanted to do was tell me "it wasnt that bad." My mom was a slammer "it was that bad" Once I got married and had kids I still was looking for an apology and she just never wanted to take responsibililty. There was a lot of anger in me from her not taking responsibility, but finally I gave up looking for an apology and things got better. We had a descent relationship and she was an ok grandma to my kids.
So the set back and the reason I am writing this is because my brother (twin brother) is now an alcoholic and drug addict and has been since he was 15. It is so hard for me not be mad at my mom for this, I know he is an adult and is now responsible for his own actions but if my mom would have given us a normal childhood I'm sure he wouldn't be struggling the way he is now.
He has been in and out of jail his whole life. He is in jail now and his two kids are with their very incapable and unstable mother. I'm not just saying that because I don't like her, she has had about 10 kids, and child protective services has taken them all. CPS knows she has my niece and nephew but say that she is allowed to keep them, I have no idea why. I saw them yesterday and they weren't very clean and their mother was discusting she was dirty and her teethe are almost rotted out of her mouth. My niece and nephew are wearing the same clothes that I have seen them in in pictures she sent me a couple weeks ago. My niece and nephew prior to living with their mother were living with my brother and for about the last two years their house has been in complete chaos, my brother bringing god knows who in and out of the house, not taking care of his kids, not feeding them properly, not giving them any attention. My mom decided to move in with him about 8 mo ago (against my advice) to help with bill and the kids. Needles to say things got worse my mom just became an enabler. My niece and nephew are so damaged, its to the point I dont even want my kids around them because of the things they say and talk about. My kids have a very care free and happy life, I have a wonderful husband who is my night in shining armor. I dot want my kids exposed to anything that went on in that household. Now I am back to my mom. I haved to talk to her like I dont blame her because I dont want to fight with her, but im so angry with her she is so clueless. The whole two years that my brother was doing this with his kids in his home she never called cps, ive called at least six times and they never did anything until he was arrested and then they put them with their worthless mother. I dont think she does drugs (not 100% sure about that though i.e. rotted teeth) As far as I know she just doesn't take care of herself and that is why she looks like that. She collects SSI and since so does my N & N I think that is the only reason she wants them. THEY DONT DESERVE THIS and right now I hate my mom. Im also left feeling guilty that I didnt do enough for my n & n. I dont hold my mom completely responsible im also very very angry at my brother, I told my mom today that as far as im concerned I don't have a brother. Oh ya my mom is about to be homeless and sorry but no way is her caotic life gonna be allowed to enter in my house. Honestly I kinda feel like giving up on all of them but doesnt that make me a horrible person? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

suki44883

Welcome to SR. I know it's hard when family doesn't seem to have a clue, but it is never wrong to take care of yourself and your own family. That is your responsibility now. It doesn't make you a horrible person when you put the welfare of your own family first. That is what responsible parents do.

Katiekate

It's not your mom's fault that your brothers life has gone the way it has. You were raised by her also, you turned out fine. Your brother is responsible for the condition of his life, and the condition of his childrens lives.

All you can do is continue to call cps and try to help those kids.

You are not a terrible person, there is only so much anyone can do. Sometimes you have to walk away.

Are you in al anon, or nar anon????

Sounds like you could use some support for yourself, it may help you get clarity.

The situation sounds awful, I'm so sorry for all your pain.

I am sure more will chime, in. Keep posting. Katie

Learn2Live

No, putting up the necessary boundaries to protect your self and your children, and bolster the strength of your family, and your sanity, are NOT horrible. That is the healthy thing to do. I have had to turn my back completely on addicted brother and wife, and yes, their children too, because if I hadn't I know it would have destroyed me.

fourmaggie

your an Adult Child of an Addict...wow! there is a fellowship for you and a good one too. If you can not find one in your neighbourhood Al anon and Nar Anon will help...

choas has been my way of life in my ALCOHOLIC families...this was all past down from generation to generation....i am setting my boundaries about the chaos in my life...

Let it begin with me...this slogan helps me alot...
these addiction are secrets in our big family....secrets keep us sick...i go to al anon and my fellowship friends and here has helped me so much...AL ANON will be with me for life and i practice it every single day...

resata

@ katiekate, I know my brother is responsible. For his and his children's lives, but my mom lived with him for the last eight months and never called cps to help her grandchildren, the same way she never left her drug addicted husband or kicked her habit to help her own kids.

Katiekate

Your mom is a very sick person, you see that, that is why she will not be living with you, your brother and your mom together, two sick people. Neither one of them are capable of doing the next right thing.