mayan

He is on his 5th NA meeting today. I am in a seesaw of emotions. Half of me is happy. hope is soaring high, BUT the other half is scared... that HE would fail. I need prayers friends. That my husband will continue to have the courage to continue the steps...

Sanity2012

I pray for my AH. But then I learned, the only prayers that could help were really for and about ME. I appreciate what you are feeling, hoping and wishing for. The playground of addiction I guess it is called..has NO recess. I never believed when all told me to work on me first It was so much easier to help the one person I love more (than myself I guess). What I had been doing for so long was not working....is it really all about you. Good Luck!

Pelican

I hope you and your husband are both able to continue working on your own recoveries from the effects of his addiction.

Here is a link that contains steps to help a loved one. These steps helped me while I was living with active addiction in my home. I know you are separated by continents, but you can still practice these steps

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

mayan

Thank you Sanity2012. One thing I learned from this community is to take care of myself FIRST, before I can be there for my love one. I am on the initial steps and you guys are keeping me stronger to continue holding on and continue the rest of the road to recovery. To Pelican, the link you shared is like a golden mine for me. I will take the time to read and more. I will pray for you both and everybody here. I feel such powerful force of uplifting everytime i log in. Can't thank you enough my friends.

mayan

does it usually take 1 to 2 hours? too petty to ask but been waiting for my hubby to call after the meeting. been almost two hours since he left. got suddenly scared with the thought of him going the "other way". if it is a sin to doubt, forgive me.

Pelican

play the tape forward on your fear: what if he is back out and using?

How will you let this affect you?

What are you going to do if he is?

mayan

oh my God, i wouldnt know what to do... now am thinking... hard...

Pelican

I too allowed my addict to take up space in my head, rent free.
What that means is: I was always worried over what he was doing, how he was feeling, what he needed, what he wanted, etc.....

All that accomplished was this: I was a hot mess! I didn't know if i was coming or going. I was so focused/obsessed with the addict ~ I became addicted to the addict.

I lost myself.

Are there Alanon meetings in your community? Have you accessed the online meetings?
Have you considered reading "Codependent No More"?
These are steps I took to help me find myself. These steps helped me take my focus off my addicted loved one, and allowed me to focus on the one life I had control over: MINE.

Your AH may have gone for coffee after his meeting with some other members.
Your reaction to his absence shows you have an expectation of him.
Why?

mayan

i bow my head on what you just made me realize Pelican. knowing that i need to face my issues first and doing what i need to do is different. I will continue to take the steps to my own "recovery". I will try. I know it is not easy, but I am open and willing. Second thing learned today, NO expectations. I'll keep that in my mind and heart. HUgs to you. Thank you. Where do i see "codependent no more"?

Alucard

I hope he makes it he is at least trying.

sweetteewalls

Don't count his meetings. I made same mistake. Concentrate on YOU. =)

Pelican

"Codependent No More" is a book written by Melody Beattie. It has been in print for years and you may be able to find a used copy at a used book retailer, or find a copy at a local lending library. I have had luck finding a used copy online.

You are making progress Mayan. Good on you!