GettingBy

So I need vent something because I'm quite astonished at what's been going on. Over the past 3-4 weeks, I've had 3 different men go (for lack of better terminology) pyscho on me.

All three all know my situation and the recent separation, single mom etc. I've been abundantly clear about my intent to be single and my priorities (which are taking care of kids, work, and myself). Made it very clear that I don't have free time for a relationship, nor a desire for one.

YET... All three have decided to push... And push... And push for more. All three lacking respect for the boundary I set and when I told them that if they continued to push the issue, I would end the friendship. All three continued to push and then acted surprised, offended and then mad when I told them I was done talking to them.

WTF?!?

The one thing I can say is that I'm grateful for the opportunities because it has shown me that I CAN set boundaries AND enforce them!!! AND... It makes me want to stay single that much more

Thanks for listening... Just an off topic rant

catlovermi

By teaching people around us that we will hold our boundaries, we respect our self.

Nowadays, I remove people from my life who cannot give me the courtesy of respecting boundaries.

It's one of the first red flags...

Great job staying focused!

CLMI

Chris1000101

Good for you!!!

No lose there, sounds like they have issues.

suki44883

There are *some* men who do not know what to do with a truly strong woman. A woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to draw a line in the sand and make that boundary and keep it! Some of it may be ego on their part...(hey, yeah, but I know I'm special and she'll drop that wall for me), and such as that.

Good on you for sticking to your boundary and keeping true to your own ideals. Being single is MUCH better than being tied to the wrong person.

YAY You!

*DISCLAIMER* I am in NO way saying all men are like this, so put your sword away and don't accuse me of man-bashing. I am doing nothing of the kind. Please note that I said there are SOME men out there who do this. If the shoe doesn't fit, then I'm not talking about you.

GettingBy

Oh suki! I love your post disclaimer!

It's certainly not man bashing because I know lots of really amazing, boundary respecting, emotionally mature men... My office is filled with them thankfully . And even more thankfully... They are all married

And... Pyscho is a trait that I know many women to have perfected as well!

You may be on to something about it potentially being an ego issue. I don't know... And honestly, i guess it doesn't even matter. What matters is they violated my boundary... So they are done from my life.

In my recovery, I have learned to love myself so much. I adore who I AM. I enjoy being alone. I enjoy doing what I WANT, when I want. And so far, I have yet to meet a man that makes me want to give my free time up for him!!! Someday... Maybe somebody... But for today.... HELL NO!!

suki44883

Oh, I LOVE men! They are the most wondrous things! I just don't have any desire to have one in my life at this time. Maybe in 10 or 15 years, if I'm still breathing, but at this point, I love my life as a single person.

Pelican

Awesome!

I can relate to what you are experiencing. I had the same type of guys pushing themselves into my world, and I didn't appreciate the way they minimized my words about what I was willing to accept.

So, I came up with this illustration to share with men that might be interested but wanted more than I was willing to share:

"I have three priorities in my life: myself, my children and my career. I am not planning to reshuffle the deck for you."

When I added school to the formula, the priorities were: myself, my children, school and my job.

I have a partner in my life now (3 years after the divorce). He came along and got the speech about my top 4 priorities. He stuck around anyway. He's a keeper!

GettingBy

I got so frustrated with one of them I said....

"You are going to a hardware store looking for bread. Ive repeatedly told you I don't have bread, yet you keep asking me for it. And now you're mad at me because I'm not giving you something I don't even have to give!!"

Holy cow and then it hit me! This man was doing basically what I had done to my XAH! It sucks being pestered like that.

Chris1000101

A strong woman will intimidate some men because they do not know how to communicate assertively, fairly, appropriately and in a healthy manner. (I am still learning )

As for the ones that push, ego may be a part of it. I feel for some, either they are afraid to be alone and want to take advantage of a situation, or, others only have a one-track mind and will butter up the children thinking they can get an easy catch.


LMAO It never ceases to amaze me how many read what they want and not what I said. So I take it you have run into that one before too?

Seren

Congratulations, GB! You see red flags, you avoid them! That's great news.

fourmaggie

LMAO...sorry, but WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF DATING MEN!!

they dont like it when a woman tells them what she needs...to be alone!!...see? they say us women try to CHANGE them, but they do the same thing...

I am with you....i am very very independent...and dont need/want a man...they are to choatic for me...

if i need a man to help me around the house? i have my 911 handy man on speed dial...so really? what are they good for...LMAO!!

(i can tell you stories to make your head spin....lol)

DesertEyes

uh-huh, yeah. I'm a guy and I totally agree.

Not really ready to date right now. Would much rather be alone than wish I was. Charming blonde keeps hanging around, calling now and then, lovely little texts with valentines floating around my phone.

Oh, by the way, turns out she's married. sheesh.

Is there such a thing as "Single and Loving It - Anonymous"?

Mike

sugarbear1

OMG! I have been through the same thing, but I'm in the recovery end of the spectrum!

Our relief must be inviting (our self respect is showing and we are glowing), but keeping the boundaries is essential!!

I'd go into detail, but then my "defects of character" would be showing.... LOL

Let's keep sticking to our boundaries! We are worth it!!!!!

Hugs,

Whadahay

Haha, I can so relate to this today! After years of not dating - telling guys that all I can offer is my friendship and all that - because I KNEW that I just wasn't over the last Narcissistic Abusive XBF. But after doing a LOT of work on myself, and I found someone that fit my criteria, I started dating this really nice guy.

Needless to say, he kept a hidden Agenda. I was very honest with him upfront that I was going to take this very very slow and if he didn't like it, then I was sorry, but then he'd have to find what he wants elsewhere. He agreed with me, etc. Said all the stuff I wanted to hear ... and I felt comfortable and safe. Well, I was just informed by him today that after 2 months a man and women should be in love with each other, otherwise, there wasn't anything. He threw this out in an argument about the fact that all last week I didn't hear from him and I felt that he was punishing me for something (like not saying the L word yet). He sent me a very vague text on Wed. - which in my opinioin is not communicating. Then he spilled it - that he wants me to be in love with him. That I SHOULD BE in love with him!!

I've been working really hard on myself to be open to intimacy. But if I'm forced, then I've got alarms going off inside. It just pisses me off that he's being such a bully about it. Then he threw some very painful things that I shared with him over this past couple of months and twisted them into something to throw back in my face. That's it. Very low - very cruel. So much for what HIS "L" word means, right!!??

GettingBy

Anytime sometime tells me what I should or shouldn't feel.... I walk away!! That's emotional abuse. I feel what I feel when I feel it.... And that's it.

Big red flag ya got there... Don't ignore it!

Hopeworks

2 months??? You hardly know the guy! Love is about character, respect and trust and it not just pheremones, hormones, brain chemicals and visual cues.

Love takes time...lust and selfishness days and weeks.

True love waits... lust and selfishness is impatient.

He is simply clueless at a stage in the relationship where it should be the honeymoon!

Throw him back... he sounds like he is definately not relationship material.

Florence

I dated as a single mom for a long time before I married the AH (ha! ha!) and I think there are some guys who definitely see single mothers as soft people who need to be saved, and they really like the idea of inserting themselves into an existing family. In my experience, those guys see us and our kids more as symbols of their own middle-class success (got a house, picket fence, and some pets? even better!) than real people with real needs, desires, and experiences.

Which is why they get so angry when you're not interested.

Consider it a bullet dodged.

m1k3

I'm thinking of posting on some dating site.

Single male looking for nice woman to leave him alone.

I am not even close to thinking about dating right now.

Your friend,

marusea

" should be in love with him by now" !!! seriously???? i think he doesnt know what really love is..then again love is different things for different people...ask a healthy person what love means and ask an addict what love is....very different answers.

lillamy

You know... I think for some guys, this is a challenge.
One of my lesbian friends says guys hit on her knowing she's not into guys because it's like they want to prove that she'd change her mind if she just was exposed to him.....

I'm thinking this might be similar. That they're trying to prove that they can get you to fall in love with them.