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He left for JAIL this AM

Old 06-02-2012, 06:40 AM
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He left for JAIL this AM

Well, he's out the door. He will be back on Monday AM for work release and then he goes back on Monday night. He will be done on Tuesday AM and then does 11 days of home detention starting on Wednesday.

I asked him if he told our 13 year old son. NOPE. Seriously, not a word to the kid? So, he's just disappearing for 3 days and he told me to tell our son that he just had some personal things to take care of. When AH got the DUI our son did some research online and knew that AH would do jail time and knew about the interlock device and everything. It's like AH thinks he's a 3 year old and doesn't need to know. Ridiculous! But, here's the kicker. I had already told son a few days ago knowing full well that AH wouldn't man up. Does he really think a 13 year old is going to buy that line when he knows full well that dad has to do jail time?

Anyway, I am planning on doing a lot of journaling this weekend. I am also writing AH a letter telling him what I need in our marriage and how I need that month in FL to get away from his 'license antics' and DUI fallout stuff. I am not going to ask him to do any recovery work, I'm not going to tell him he needs help, but I am going to tell him that I am not going to live with his alcohol abuse anymore and that it may mean that one of us needs to move out. Basically, I want to leave him with things to think about while he's sitting at home on home detention but I want to make sure it's about ME not about HIM.

I am also planning on packing get away bags for myself and our son. Just some items to keep in the car in case AH loses it when he gets back. That's another thing I won't expose myself to, his emotional outbursts and crazy talk. Just another boundary that I'm trying to set, I don't have to be around it anymore and I have finally realized that he I don't have to attend a temper tantrum.

Thanks for all the support here! I am planning on enjoying my weekend. Maybe going to the mall, taking our son to the movies, going shopping at the outlet mall, etc.
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:51 AM
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"I am not going to live with his alcohol abuse anymore and that it may mean that one of us needs to move out."

Is the part about one of you maybe needing to move out a weak ultimatum?

Whether one of you will move out if he doesn't change his lifestyle might be something you give some deep thought to while you are away in Fl., so that 'you know' what is going to happen, what you are prepared to do and do it. telling him isn't setting a boundary.
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Old 06-02-2012, 10:02 AM
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Good to hear that you are starting your plans for you and your son - the getaway bags are a great idea. I'm sad to hear that your AH is hiding from being honest with your son about what is going on. At 13, he's old enough to figure things out but young enough to not know how to deal with them maturely. This puts him in a tough spot. Do your best to comfort your son & be as honest as you feel you can with him about what is going on - he likely already knows, but I think it would bring you two closer and you can help to support each other better.

Hope you have a wonderful, peaceful weekend.
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Old 06-02-2012, 02:18 PM
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Hi lizatola,
This line
I am also writing AH a letter telling him what I need in our marriage

If he has not given you what you need so far, what makes you think he is going to give it to you now or in the future?

I say this with all due respect and honest interest. I have lost many years waiting for magic to happen, now I prefer to leave it to Criss Angel.
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Old 06-02-2012, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 View Post
Hi lizatola,
This line
I am also writing AH a letter telling him what I need in our marriage

If he has not given you what you need so far, what makes you think he is going to give it to you now or in the future?

I say this with all due respect and honest interest. I have lost many years waiting for magic to happen, now I prefer to leave it to Criss Angel.
Well, I wrote the letter and it was more along the lines of: I need a break from the inconsistencies he is exhibiting in our lives. I told him we deserve better. I told him I know about his continued drinking and that I feel that his violation of his restricted driving is a violation of my ethics and the values that I have set in my life. I told him that our son deserves a place where he can feel emotionally stable and cared for and where he can trust the adults in his life to provide him with stability and consistency.

I didn't ask anything of him. I didn't express an actual 'need' except to say that I DESERVE better than what I'm getting now. I didn't threaten to leave and I didn't tell him to get into therapy or to get help. I told him I loved him and that I pray for him daily and that I give him up to my Higher Power every day.
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